Five Great Cracked.com Articals

Happy Friday!

5 Classic Pop Culture Moments (Actors Made Up on the Fly)
     Fan of Star Trek? How about Blade Runner? Happy Days? Then check this out. I'm a huge trivia nerd and there was stuff here I had no idea about.

Found this when I searched for Pop Culture on Google.

4 Insane Conspiracy Theories That Need Their Own Movie
     Let's all give a collective WTF and hang the I want to Believe posters back on the walls. You'll need them for the insanity on this list.

uh-DOY

3 Insane Ways Companies Are Using Copyrights to Bully You
     Know your enemy.

Read it before he gets hired by the RIAA

2 Awesome Products Combined to Make a Terrible One
     One of Cracked's infamous Photoshop challenges. Made me laugh!

Laugh, damnit!

Twenty Seven Famous Movie Plots Solved with 1 Line of Dialogue
     Another Photoshop, and it is a DOOZY. Check this example:

SEE??!!

2014 is Late

     "Rebecca" you say (unless you're a personal friend who knows my real name), what the hell do you mean by that? It's almost June, half-way through the year! I've stopped writing 2013 on my documents. 2014 isn't late. Unless you're trying for a very weird metaphor."

What did you think 'Father Time' did?

     No, what I mean is the year is a month behind. After the crazy long winter, I sensed something was up. It took until May to figure it out: the weather is a month behind! Think about it: April showers bring May flowers. We didn't get much rain in April. But now?

Dammit Marlene, get in the house! I'll buy a new scarecrow!

     What does this mean for climate change and global warming?

     I have no clue. All I know is that if I'm right we're get a long summer and a warm Halloween. And I'm willing to wait for that.

Four candies I hate

I'm a sugar junkie, but these sweets are just plain sour. And not in the kid's patch way.

4. Blow Pops

     Not being a gum chewer, these are a big loser for me. The very taste of gum makes me gag, so after a few cautious sucks, this thing is done. Bubblegum is the worst offender. I can do a few chomps with minty gum, but mint and fruit are an awful combination. So, no suckers with gum at the center for me.

Two out of Five angry customers.

3. Anything 'banana' flavored

     Bananna Runts. Banana popsicles. Banana Laffy Taffy. Fruit is a hard flavor in general, but I've NEVER tasted a good banana flavored candy. NEVER. I like real bananas, so that's not it either. Other 'off' but tolerable fruit flavors? Usually grape and orange. *Shudder*

One out of Five Spiders

2. Vanilla Tootsie rolls

     Any other flavor tastes great. Why did they fail so hard on vanilla? Vanilla is one of the primary flavors in chocolate (gasp), and they nailed that! The fruit flavored tootsie midgees are fine too. But they throw this in and 1-2-3: TERRIBLE.

Two out of Five Vanilla Ice tattoos.

1. Raisinets

     I like chocolate. I like raisins. But the moment they touch, both are ruined. That is the power of the raisin, ruiner of candy and cookies. I had plain oatmeal cookies for the first time at a friend's house two days ago. IT WAS AMAZING. Raisins ROBBED me of that joy. FOR TWENTY SEVEN YEARS.

     Is there a support group for thinking you hate a food, only to find you just hate it prepared a certain way and spent two decades or more wasting your life?

...


Didn't think so.

Zero out of Five anythings, because I'm not wasting the time for an image search on these things.

Five Misleading Movie Titles

Don't you hate bad titles? No? Too bad, I do.

5. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (A Nightmare on Elm Street 6)

     Freddy's been dead since part one of this franchise, so that's nothing new. This was a 3D "horror comedy" mess only worth watching for the always entertaining Robert Englund. 

     More importantly, Freddy doesn't stay dead as this is NOT the final Nightmare film. In Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (a misnomer in and of itself) we get a hint of the then unproduced and vastly underrated Freddy vs. Jason. They'd been planning this almost since both series began. They KNEW this wasn't the last film.

4. Cloverfield

     This is misleading in the best J.J. Abrams style. No clovers, and no real field, unless you count central park. Legend has it the title refers to the clover-like prints left by the monster, but this is yet unconfirmed. So...yeah, I got nothing.

3. Honey I Blew Up the Kid

     Rejoice all ye parents! The kid isn't a smoldering crater. Granted, the original title of the movie was Big Baby and wasn't related to Honey I Shrunk the Kids at all. So, they did their best. Kinda.

2. The Pod People

    No, not That Movie. This is a 1983 spanish movie that has "Nothing to do with pods, nothing to do with people, and EVERYTHING to do with hurting." in the words of Dr. Clayton Forrester. The original and more accurate title is "The New Extraterrestrials". It's more or less E.T. meets Alien. It's one of my favorite Joel era episodes of MST3K. 

1. Attack of the Puppet People

     They aren't puppets, and they don't attack. They ARE people, so it's got that going at least. I recommend watching this with Rifftrax, as it's slightly more bearable. It was made as B feature by Bert I. Gordon, the genius behind The Amazing Colossal Man (a clip of it plays in the movie!) and Village of the Giants. Don't expect anything new here. The effects aren't the worst, but the scale issues are unforgivable. Are they barbie sized? Six inches tall? Something else entirely? Fucked if I know!

Five Favorite Sherlock adaptations

I've read all the books and short stories that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle produced, but sometimes a fan needs more! I'm excluding the BBC Sherlock because I've already talked about it, it's a bit on the nose, and because I have five others I can talk about just as easily.

5. Elementary, Dear Data (Star Trek The Next Generation)

     My two favorite characters playing two of my other favorite characters, while crazy holodeck villains become real? This is the perfect episode! 

     Plus Moriarty is played by Niles from The Nanny, so that's a plus. He even comes back in a later episode, but the initial shock of realizing they've created life is too priceless to give up. 

4. The Robert Downy Jr. Movies

     Many people complained about this adaptation, saying Holmes was too action hero, and not enough detective. I'd like to remind everyone that Holmes boxing was cannon from Doyle himself. Holmes was a bit of an action hero. It's about time that was acknowledged.

For your comparison pleasure.

     I love the charisma between Downey and Jude Law. I love that Watson is just as bright as he should be, and that the schemes are grand and amazing. And I LOVE that Mycroft is played by Stephen Fry in the sequel. He's so sassy! Just like Stephen Fry IRL. 

3. Psych

    Prefer your detectives a little more lighthearted? Than Psych is for you. It's a good deal looser than the other adaptations on this list as well. Watson has become Burton "Gus" Guster, a pharmaceutical rep. Lestrade is Lassiter, a hard-nosed detective who HATES Shawn Spencer and...Okay, that's dead on. 

     This is a goofy show (as goofy as it can be with all the murder), and just plain fun. Shawn (Holmes) isn't socially maladjusted: he's actually a good guy, and a lot of fun. Most of the connection can be seen between him and Gus, as their patter is just perfect. Plus, they've been BFF since they were eight, and the show shows that A LOT.

2. Basil of Baker Street AKA The Great Mouse Detective

     Based on a book series I haven't read, this movie heralded the beginning of the Disney Renaissance.  Technically it exists alongside Holmes (as the mice live below him, and we clearly hear Watson and Holmes talking), but I'm still counting it.

     Professor Ratigan is played by the late Vincent Price, and gets the old decent song in the picture. It's said that this was Price's all time favorite role. You can hear why: He's loving every minute of this over-the-top romp. Dawson is still a little too Basil Rathbone fat bumbling Watson for my tastes, but he's a damn sight closer to Watson as written that that. One of my favorite Disney movies.

1. House MD

     I'm currently in the middle of this show, never having finished it in the official run. All this is is a modern AU where they're all doctors. Also, House and Wilson are totally boning.

     Love Hugh Laurie, love Robert Sean Leonard, just LOVE LOVE LOVE this show.