Friday, December 13, 2013

The Desolation of Smauglock NO SPOILERS

You know what's not easy? Being  Sherlock fan. Not only is the show utterly heartbreaking, it takes literal YEARS between series, due to how the BBC operates. Here's a handy list of things that have happened before Sherlock Series Three came out:


N'Sync came back.

Agent Coulson came back.

The U.S Government shut down AND came back. 

Harry Potter came back.

Moriarty came out
So yeah, it's been an eventful few years in between series, and the fans are getting impatient. I only saw the series about a year ago, but for a viewer used to 3 months at most between seasons, it's hard.

Then there's The Hobbit.

 Not only does it star Martin Freeman as  Bilbo Baggins, AKA Dr. John Watson, Arthur Dent, Oliver Chamberlain, Tim Canterbury, Declan,  and many others, but , AKA Very Silly Name Sherlock is Smaug!

"Beachbody Compasstrap!"Also, try the name generator! I got "Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan"

And in Desolation, these two get to talk to each other for a WHILE. Seeing as the book is 75 years old, and most fans have read it, this has led to a rather interesting phenomenon. A phenomenon called SMAUGLOCK. Smashing Sherlock and The Hobbit together has created some rather intresting stuff...

There's less savory NSFW stuff too, but that's true of LITERALLY EVERYTHING on the internet. For the most part, you've got a lot of dragons whining about mysteries and wearing purple scarves. No harm done, right?

Well, the problem is, John and Sherlock are friends, and Bilbo and Smaug are not. Duh. But for fans of both, Desolation is the first time in literally years when their favorite actors are back on screen together. And some are having a wee bit of a hard time processing the fact that not only is Smaug a straight up villain with no redeeming qualities, HE GONNA DIE!

Seen here in this strangely leaked footage.

There's a LOT of talk about how 'sad' it is, and how they're 'rooting for 'Smaug'. The only sad part for me is that the fans can't separate two great actors who just HAPPEN to be working together again without making it mash with another fandom. I'm glad the filmmakers didn't put in any little nods or winks: the word 'Deduction' is NOT mentioned by either party during Smaug and Bilbo's meeting. It's exactly as it should be. AWESOME.

It's not wrong to enjoy Smauglock silliness (if it is, I don't want to be right). But don't let fanon get in the way of someone telling a story properly. Take both for what they are: amazing works with the same actors. Nothing more, nothing less.



Thursday, December 12, 2013

One Day More (The Hobbit)

To the Tune of Les Mis 'One Day More'

[ME]
One day more!
Another day, another Hobbit dream.
And even now it seems;
These films that seem to fill my mind
Will surely end this daily grind;
One day more!

[MY FIANCE]
She won’t shut-up today
How can I live with this much longer?

[ME]
One day more.

[MY FIANCEE & MOTHER]
Tomorrow it’ll be Hobbit Day
And yet her obsession is much stronger

[FRIENDS]
One more day on her Tumbler

[MY FIANCEE & MOTHER]
Will we ever hear her stop?

[FRIENDS]
One more day of her not caring.

[MY FIANCEE & MOTHER]
I am tired of the slop.

[FRIENDS]
What a blog I might have known.

[MY FIANCEE & MOTHER]
And I swear I’ll just go nuts!

[FRIENDS]
But she cannot write a thing!

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
One more day before it starts!

[FIANCEE]
Do I follow where she goes?

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
And the cosplays flood our aisles.

[FIANCEE]
Should I join my lover there?

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
When the lines begin to form

[FIANCEE]
Do I stay, will she care?

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
Will you get the receipts and see?

[ALL]
The time is now, the day is here

[ME]
One day more!

[Smauglock fans]
One day more to sexy hobbits,
We will pinch them on the butt!
We’ll be ready for hot Smaug,
And write all sorts of smut!

[ME]
One day more!

[CONCESSION STAND]
Watch ‘em run around,
See her Hobbit doll,
Never know what sounds
you’ll hear when fan-girls bawl,
Here’s some nacho dip
That’s a little much!
Most of them are weirdos
So just don’t touch!

[Fans (2 Groups)]
[1:] One day to a new film classic

[2:] Raise the flag of fandom high!

[1:] And Thorin will be a king

[2:] And Thorin will be a king

[1:] Still two years till new ‘Jurassic’

[2:] There are dragons in the sky

[ALL]
Do you hear the fandom ring?

[MY FIANCEE, TO ME]
My place is here, I watch with you!

[ME]
One day more!

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
We will mock these people’s heroes
We will giggle when they go
To enjoy their smutty secrets,
And perverted things they know.

[ME]
One day more!

[MY MOM]
Tomorrow she’ll be worlds away

[FRIENDS]
What a blog I might have known!

[MY MOM]
And yet for her it’s already started

[THEATER EMPLOYEES]
One more day to Hobbit mania
We will take the cash flash flood
We’ll be ready for these weird fans
Who say they’re of dragon-blood
[CONCESSION STAND EMPLOYEES]
Watch ‘em run around,
See her Hobbit doll,
Never know what sounds
you’ll hear when fan-girls bawl,
Here’s some nacho dip
That’s a little much!
Most of them are weirdos
So just don’t touch!

[ME]
Tomorrow I’ll be far away,
In middle earth where Hobbits play

[ALL]
Tomorrow we’ll discover
What Peter Jackson has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!