Five Great Ideas

Happy Friday!

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Five pop-culture summaries made via cultural osmosis

These are shows I haven't seen, movies I haven't watched, and books I haven't read. Let's see how accurate I can be just by living in America and being part of the culture.

5. The Sound of Music

     Julie Andrews is a nun who the other nuns have some kind of problem with. She gets sent to be a teacher of some rich guy's kids in Germany and they sing and dance and run over the living hills. Until Nazi's show up. One of the kids goes bad and tries to turn his family in for trying to leave Germany, so they ditch him and climb over the hills to Switzerland. Yaaay!

Spinning the whole way.

4. True Blood

     Rogue is still sucking your life away, but this time its via blood and not mutant powers! Vampires are out, loud, and proud and drink a blood replacement drink. So they're essentially people with hypohemia and sunlight sensitivity. Naturally, the south is offended by this, and wants them all dead.

C'mon baby make it hurt so good

      And at some point Elliot Stabler shows up, but not for long. Booooo.

3. The Fault in Our Stars

     Classic boy meets girl with cancer. Girl dies. They're both white and heterosexual. Somehow this is extremely controversial.

Apparently, not okay

2. Once Upon a Time

     Disney decides to market its own Alternate Universe fanfic as a show. Classic characters are turned human and brought to modern day society with no memories. So half the show is interesting flashbacks, and half is boring humans trying to remember the interesting flashbacks.

Looks like Dark Shadows to me.

     Also, they've started using real people like Pocahontas and Mulan. Not okay.

1. Dr. Who

     Magic doctor who holds no degree travels through time and bodies  putting right what once went wrong. Evil robots, aliens, magic phone booth, people who either get killed off or abandoned called companions, and a supreme evil called 'The Master'. Also magic screwdrivers.

This happened, but apparently it is never spoken of.

     That about cover it?

Attack on Titan, Episode 1: To You, in 2000 Years -The Fall of Shiganshina, Part 1

Minor spoilers!

     So Bahamute and I just watched the first episode of that anime I've been hearing so much about, Attack on Titan. The basic premise is 2000 years from now humanity lives behind 150ft walls to keep giant humanoid monsters (aka Titans) out. There are soldiers and scouts who go out to try and fight, but literally get decimated every time.

Oh, and the Titans look like this:

They are between 50 and 160 feet tall, by the by. 

     So far I've only seen the first episode, so I don't know much about the plot. Eren, the young boy hero, wants to join the scouts since he thinks living in the walls is living like cattle. His father the town Doctor understands human curiosity. His mother flips her lid. His friends Mikasa and Armin are for and against leaving, respectively.

      Then a Titan breaks down a wall and things deteriorate rapidly.

     It's a very interesting concept, and I'm eager to see more. Just not in one day. This is a thing I've gotta take slow: and for someone who routinely marathons Law and Order SVU, Stephen King, AND American Horror Story, that's saying something.

Chilling with my peeps

     I don't mind it being subtitled, but it is a very quick-moving plot. There's a lot I didn't mention above so MORE IMPORTANT SPOILERS: the city has been at peace for 100 years and people have grown complacent. Eren gets into fights with other people about it on a semi-regular basis. Right before the Titan attacks he helps Armin to not get his ass kicked.

     The hardest part to watch is Eren going back to the ruins of his home and finding his mother alive, but unable to run. He sees her get torn in half and eaten while being unwillingly rescued by a drunkard/soldier he'd had words with earlier. Wow.

END MORE IMPORTANT SPOILERS

By the by, there's a lot of fanart, but this set is what really drove home the horror for me, and got me to watch the first episode. Have fun!

Attack on Pokemon

Five of my ideas that never got off the ground

A list of my failed hopes and dreams for your enjoyment. Or just crap I thought up when I was bored.

5. Live-Action Dragon Ball Z Abridged
   
     Pretty straight forward. I wanted to film a live-action version of TeamFourStar's HILARIOUS treatment of Dragon Ball Z.

Seems simple enough.

   
     Furthermore I wanted to play Vegeta since he's tiny and it would be a running gag that the Saiyin Prince was actually a chick.

Me: And I am the prince of all sayins!
Grizz: (as Piccolo) ...What?
Me: I said I am Vegeta, Pr--
Grizz: The Prince.
Me: Yes.
Grizz: Not princess.
Me: No. I am here to destory--
Grizz: You are clearly a woman.
Me: I am not!
Grizz: Those are obviously breasts.
Me: (breaking character) We didn't have anyone else the right size! Just drop it!
Grizz: Ah.

Yeah. Probably for the best that didn't work out.

4. Landshark the Manshark

     Another simple one here: I wanted to make a short film about a scientist going mad, combining himself with a shark, and killing teens on the beach. I had a fairly solid plot outline by SyFy standards. There was a sassy woman shark scientist and a drunk ex-cop private detective and everything.

It was less stupid than this. And this EXISTS.

     Long story short, it just never came together. But it still could, if I gave a damn. Free movie idea over here, SyFy!

3. Learning to draw

      I bought a book. I bought a ton of books before that book. I practiced most of my school years. But I still draw like a five year old with palsy.

However, I do a mean impression of a five year old drawing terrifying monsters in crayon.

This is not a talent I posses or can develop. And I'm okay with that. Mostly.

2. Scripting 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' into a stage show.

This is actually being done now. But at age 16 I related the idea of turning the movie into a show and was promptly dismissed.

"Yeah...that would be impossible. It's a bad idea. Don't do it."

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I stopped what I was doing, convinced she was right, and I was stupid to have tried.

Don't let people tell you to not even try.

1. Being a Teacher

     This was my plan in most of high school and part of college. But with the job market the way it is, the stress of being a teacher, and Michigan's stringent requirements, I stopped after getting my B.A. I'm happy being an administrative assistant. I like helping people.

Also, none of this B.S.

     Ultimately, I'm happier this didn't happen. Not all missed ideas are soul crushing!

Sailor Moon Crystal

     I, like many of my internet brethren, just watched the first episode of Sailor Moon Crystal. And boy, was I...

Um

Well.

     Don't get me wrong, the animation was great. I loved the heavenly choir style of music, and the voices are a big improvement over the dubbed American version from the 90s. But I'm not crying with happiness like many of the other commentators seem to be.

*weeping* WHY CAN'T I HAVE LEGS THAT GOOD?! WAAAAH

     It was good. But anime like Fullmetal Alchemist has spoiled me. I expect a faithful, beautiful representation of the manga. And after buying and reading ALL of Sailor Moon over the last year, I'm pretty well versed in the mythos and madness.

Like this crucial scene

     So overall, happy but not out of my mind hysterical with joy. That's fine. Plain happiness is wonderful. Watching an anime shouldn't move me to tears except once in a while.

Go to hell, Shou Tucker. BURN.

     As a fan of the manga, I'd sure as hell recommend this version over the former one. No shoved-in morals, and Sailor Moon is stronger in this first episode than she was in most of the old series entire run.  The characterizations are better, the animation is cleaner looking, and the music is fab. Good introduction to the series if you're not familiar with it. 

So what are you waiting for? Take a peek!

Five Foods I hate with flavors I like

5. Peanuts

     I love peanut butter. Reese's is my favorite candy, along with the many, many delicious permutations thereof.

Actual peanuts can get honey roasted and die. Something about the texture just puts me off. No chunky peanut butter, no peanuts on my sundae, nothing.

4. Tomatoes
   

    Ohh, sweet nectar. Ohh heavenly purveyor of salt and vinegar.  How I love thee on fries, potato pancakes, hash brow--

Who invited your fruity ass? The plain tomato isn't the worst offender on my list, but I don't like 'em.

3. Green Tea

     Gimme a break, gimmie a break, break me off a piece of that as long as it's not liquid. It's not just a green tea thing: I don't like ANY tea. But these little beauties are irresistible. Mmm, Japanese-y.

2. Strawberries
   

     Seeds. Seeds on the OUTSIDE. Ew. EW. POKEY. EWWWWW.

1. Coconuts

Never before have I heard my thoughts articulated so perfectly on screen. "I hate coconuts! It isn't the taste, it's the consistency." This man is me, aside from being different in every other possible way.

Five things you didn't know about Star Trek

...Unless you're a Trek Nerd like me, or like roughly 50% of the people on the internet, according to 1990's humor.

Captain Picard IS better than Captain Kirk, you pretentious assholes. 

     So, if you already know this stuff, just wait until tomorrows blog. Or complain. Or whatever.

SPOILERS for the new movies, the old movies, Star Trek TOS and Star Trek TNG. You have been warned.

5. Kirk wasn't the original original series captain.
     The first filmed episode of Star Trek TOS was called 'The Cage'. It was about the intended stars of Star Trek, Captain Christopher Pike, his female Number One, and the science officer, Mr. Spock.

"But Rebecca" you say "I know Captain Christopher Pike! He was the guy in the beeping chair and/or the guy who was Kirk's father figure in the new films."

And you're right to say it. He IS those things. Now. But originally he was going to be the star of the trek.

The puns are not stopping any time soon.

     The network had issues with the pilot, including the fact that the second officer was a woman. Star Trek's liberal writers would later get back by having the first televised interracial  kiss.

Yes, this happened FIRST. Interracial AND lesbian.

     But it was the sixties and stuff didn't get thrown away. If you're a fan of Star Trek you've seen 90% of this episode in the two-part-er, The Menagerie . Frankly, I didn't much care for it either, female officer or no. So you're not missing much. Unless you count the new timeline and the fact that that doomed planet Pike went to and the women inhabitant is going to be lonely forever. Oh well.

4. Data's death meant nothing in the extended universe

     Remember how much you cried when Data died in Star Trek Nemesis? No? Then watch this:

There are NO VERSIONS of the death scene that don't have uber dramatic music dubbed over it.

     The takeaway is that Data is dead. Sacrificed himself to save Picard, and only a shadow of him remains in his younger 'brother' B4. He is gone, never to return in any Star Trek TV show or movie.

Nemesis was complicated.

     Buuuuuuuut not the extended universe!  In the comic series Star Trek: Countdown Data is alive in B4s body. B4 purportedly vacated the body and lives happily on the holodeck. So, in short, his death overall amounted to Nil. Take that, emotions!

3. Gene Roddenberry almost killed Star Trek TNG
     Remember how much Star Trek the Next Generation sucked in it's first few seasons?

Here's a handy guide: No beard=no good

     Well, a lot of that was due to Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, deciding that in the future there would be no interpersonal conflicts, no rage, etc, because humanity had triumphed over it's baser emotional states.

Which led to boring-ass characters.

     Many writers and several actors quit due to the tyrannical rule of Roddenberry. Frankly, his death allowed the show to blossom with three dimensional characters and plots. It's not George Lucas level of destruction, but it was pretty bad.

I don't remember Jar-Jar Binks ever getting what was coming to him.

2. TOS was cancelled twice
     Remember the fit everyone threw when shows like Futurama and Family Guy were cancelled, necessitating a comeback? No? Remember when your nerd friend complained and the shows eventually showed back up? Yeah, I thought so.

     Well, the same thing happened with Star Trek finished it's second season. That's right, the SECOND season. A letter writing campaign ensued, netting us the infamous third season.

Spock's brain getting sucked out and his body being controlled via remote control by Kirk and McCoy. That was the season OPENER

      After season three, the show was cancelled for good. But, we eventually got the movies and Next Generation so it all worked out in the end.

This was the same episode from season 3 with the interracial kiss, btw. It's not the dumbest thing that happened.

1. There's a cartoon, and it's canon.

Ever wondered what would happen if Spock and Kirk were given gills?

Or the whole crew of the Enterprise started shrinking?

What about de-aging?

     All of this and more happened in the two-season long Star Trek cartoon show. Originally meant to replace the missing two years of he five year mission, the writers and cast from the original show went off the wall and did whatever they wanted.

     So what, you say? Lots of cartoons are based on movies and they just ignore them. The Men in Black cartoon, The Mummy cartoon, the Ghostbusters cartoon: the 80s and 90s were rife with these things!

     The difference is the cartoon IS canon. It's the first place we find out what Kirk's middle name is: Tiberius. Need more proof? The adventures were written into Logbooks that expanded the episodes and made them longer. So, yeah. All that happened.

As did this.

     So, the next time you think you've seen the dumbest thing in your favorite TV remember...THESE ARE THINGS.

The Redford Theater

The Redford Theater is like something out of a book. From the outside it’s nothing special: older marquee, flashing lights around it, Plexiglas ticket-taker window, the whole deal. Even the lobby is sort of standard.

Until you notice the little things: a grand piano with someone plaything music from the film. Cabinets full of memorabilia. Tee-shirts and fifty-fifty raffle tickets. popcorn made with REAL butter, sweet and wet.

Then you enter the theater.

The screen is framed by, of all things, the front of a Japanese pagoda. The colors are faded a bit, but that just makes it look real. Four figures, two men two women, are painted in wearing traditional Japanese dress. The colors on two are vibrant, repainted within the last few years.

Then you look up.

The ceiling is a night sky. Stars twinkle. Clouds drift across it, fading and forming as real clouds are wont to do. People shuffle in, heading to the stage to take pictures.

There’s a pipe organ. And a player piano. And an organist.

You sit, listen to medleys of classic music as clouds drift over twinkling stars and butter drifts through the cool theater air. It is magic. It is every movie theater you ever read about in every book: that magic place where you get your inspiration to write, become an actor, become a director. Anything can happen.

Last night I saw The Wizard of Oz in this wonderful place. It has never been more magical.

Harry Potter. What the hell.

     We all know about Arthur Weasly's obsession with Muggle stuff, and how he's considered 'a bit of a nutter' by his own family, let alone other wizards. The problem with this is you CAN'T just live in an exclusive wizard society, even in the eighties and nineties, when the books are set.
     They use cars, so there needs to be a basic understanding of things like gas, batteries (a particular peculiarity of Arthur's), traffic laws, and just how to drive. All things used exclusively by Muggles, according to the books.
     I understand they have their own hospitals, but the Muggle government has NO record of any Wizarding child's birth? They can't track their school records? What about Muggleborns? Do they just vanish off the rolls at age eleven?
     What about vaccinations? Is that not as big of a thing in the UK as it is here? We saw what Molly thinks of Muggle doctors. They don't need casts for broken bones or stitches, okay. Can they magic away cancer? Heart disease? The need for new organs? What about brain damage? Or blunt force trauma? Do they have magic solutions for that too? What about getting shot? It could be an accident, easily. Can they magic out a bullet? Fix all the damage with a wave of the wand?
     There has to be more to the 'we have a witch/wizard in our family, but we just can't talk about it.' Are Muggle family members who know magicked so they can't talk? Are there secret cults who know about the wizards but instead of just hating them, actively seek to kill them, like skinheads? What about support groups for siblings who didn't inherit magic ability? Or squibs for that matter. I understand they can't do wand magic, but what about potions? Or care of magical creatures? Are there government liasons between Muggle and magic besides the 'Hey we exist' call the PM gets? There must be, what with all the apparently empty/doctored by magic personal records flying around.
     I know there are about a billion unanswered questions in the Harry Potter universe. These have just been nagging at me a lot lately. Love to hear your thoughts!

Five Funny Dilbert strips

Happy Friday!

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