See the elusive girl geek as she acts in local theater! Watch as she writes manuscripts, fanfiction, and anything else that come out of her deranged mind! Gawp as she reviews movies that normal women would run from in terror! GIRL GEEK!
"Jackson's music will soundtrack [sic] the story of a young duo named Vincent
and Victoria who "accidentally" meet on Halloween night. Alongside a dog
named Ichabod, Vincent and Victoria wind up at 777 Jackson Street at
the mysterious – and aptly named – This Place Hotel (a reference to the Jackson's 1980 song of the same name).
Inside the This Place Hotel, Victoria, Vincent and Ichabod embark on a
journey that ends with a dance finale featuring an animated Michael
Jackson."
This isn't appropriate. Anything new thingshowing MJ with kids needs to not be a thing.
We can't help the past, however.
And also, he had one Halloween themed song. Granted, it's probably the best horror song that is widely known, but that's not enough to build a special around.
Long and short of it: I don't approve, and I don't think the people who made this thought about anything very thoroughly. Good luck CBS.
On a side note, just before this blog was to go up I found out George Romero died. Farewell to a true architect of Halloween, horror, and film. He will be missed.
I feel so restricted this time of year. I can't wear my Ghostbuster's uniform to the RenFest (well, I could, but it would be uncomfortable and stupid).
Verily, I fear no specters!
I can't just leave my black roses out or the dog will try and eat them. I can't put out my Freddy claw due to lack of space. I can't set up my Chucky and Tiffany dolls in the bedroom since certain husbands think they're creepy.
I haven't been creeped out by Chucky since he became a stay at home dad.
It's the horror doldrums. The summer blockbuster season is around the corner, and we're a long way from autumn's slew of good, bad, and so bad it's good releases.
Also, JonTron apologized, so welcome back, relevant clips!
I've missed a few things that looked interesting, like A Cure for Wellness and The Belko Experiment. They seemed to go in and out of the theater with little comment, but maybe I've missed some real gems.
More and more I find myself watching Markiplier play games rife with jumpscares, hoping for a semblance of plot or nuance. Bahamute and Markiplier played a cinematic horror game, Until Dawn, but that thrill is long since past.
Worth a watch, or a play if you're adept at gaming.
It might be time to organize my own horror film night!
It's a pain to gather my friends and convince them they'll enjoy the flicks as much as I do. Mostly because that's a lie. Aside from my brother in law Grizz, nobody that I spend large amounts of time with loves horror as much as I do. Bahamute tolerates the films for my sake (and can enjoy a really good movie on it's own merits), and most of my other friends range from liking so bad it's good, to being a 'just around Halloween' horror observer. You know who you are.
Homer and Marge judge you.
Horror for me is a year-round event. My King books are prominently displayed. My horror DVDs get their own rack, which is directly across from the front door. Sandman and Swamp Thing, Freddy and Jason, Gorey and Ito. I return to their wells as often as I dig for new ones.
This time of year brings the same fear it always does: I've become immune to horror. The books and movies coming out are all tame, predictable, nothing but jump scares and tropes. Maybe I'll never be scared for real, for the first time again.
It always passes. Get Out showed me that real fear is still out there, waiting to be found, and that the art isn't dead. I just have to look harder.
With that in mind, now comes the enjoyable, infuriating task of trying to find a good horror movie to shar with my friends, without spoiling it for myself. At least there's always old chestnuts like "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
Then again, maybe not.
Wish me luck. It's going to be a dull six months otherwise.
King of the Hill is one of my favorite animated shows. It is, as my Brother in law Grizz says "A show about a man who has a mid-level management job at a propane store, and thinks he has life by the balls."
Hank Hill, the aforementioned ball-holder, is the patriarch of the Hill family, and often the only sane man in a world populated by twigboys, tree-hugging noodle brained communists, and Christian Rockers.
Preach it, Hank.
Hank is a Methodist, but not a bible-thumper, which is addressed in several episodes, but none so notably as Hilloween. Here a newcomer to Arlen Texas, Junie Harper (voiced by the incomparable Sally Field) starts weaving the words of God into a tapestry of lies. Hank's niece by marriage, Luanne, gets sucked in, and helps convince the town to ban Halloween, and Bobby to see his father as a Satanist. It's up to Hank to save Halloween, and his son from a group of religious extremists.
Accurate. Sort of.
The episode, aside from being hilarious, is one of the few TV depictions of Halloween that matches my personal views. It's not a holiday about worshiping Satan. It's just a time for horror-themed fun. Hank's whole plan for the holiday is he "...Just want['s] Bobby to have a real scary Halloween, like I did as a boy."
The scariest thing in this episode is the notion of people using God's name to be cruel and intolerant. Glad nothing like that happens in real life!
As a Baptist, and a big proponent of horror, this sums it all up. I don't agree with Hank's pro-egging and TP attitude, but other than that, we're on the same page. Most Halloween specials are about kids getting TOO scared, and parents having to talk them down, or shame themselves for taking it too far. As a kid, this ticked me off. I never got that scared at haunted houses or scary movies. Those kids seemed like wusses, and the parents like dweebs. Hank was the first TV parent I saw who 'got it.'
And by 'it' I mean POSSESSED BY SATAN!
Another thing the episode tackles is the Christian alternative to a haunted house, a Hallelujah House (more commonly called a Hell House). It's a haunted house that delivers pro-Christian messages with scenes of abortions, premarital sex (special focus on gay couples giving each other aids!), school shootings, suicide, and evolution.
Since Halloween is when all the kids go get abortions.
I went to one of these with my youth-group once. Once. Our pastor never made that mistake again. Next year we went to a normal haunted house. When the Baptists are scared off, you KNOW you're going too far.
Not only does he have AIDS, he has SATAN!
Hank manages to save his son, his niece, and his town's Halloween celebration from the intolerant "Christians", all without losing his own ties to religion or personal beliefs. THAT'S a message I can get behind.
For more info on Hell Houses (and how to derail them) see THIS hilarious blog. Happy Halloween!
"Fine, go on, all of you! More room in Heaven for me!"
The Honking is the closest the series comes to a Halloween episode. It takes the basic plot and tropes from the original Universal Studios The Wolf man and futures it up. Bender falls under the curse of the Were-Car and kills innocent people every night.
This episode, while not creepy, plays on all the great tropes: an eastern-European village with a secret (populated by religious robots), a gypsy fortune teller (robot), a haunted castle (again more robots). There's even a bit of Scooby Doo thrown into the mix, though that's resolved in the first act.
This is just a fun, classic episode that touches on the horror tropes of the 30's and 40's. For non-regular viewers, it can stand alone well enough.
This movie hits most of the classic Halloween kids flick tropes, but manages to be entertaining, thanks to Varney (and Eartha Kitt). Please note, I didn't say 'good'. Just entertaining.
So, what happens in this "Wacky!" comedy for kids? A troll steals terrified children's souls and seals them into wooden dolls.
This movie scared a lot of kids (not yours truly, but I digress). So many, that it was the last Ernest film released by Touchstone Pictures (AKA Disney). Because Disney hates scaring kids.
Canonical!
Anyway, Ernest is the only adult in town who believes the terrified kids (aside from Eartha Kitt, but she's playing a character that's called crazy more than once). Also, he released the troll, so he's got a stake in this too.
The movie, while scary for small children in conventional ways (evil troll, bullies, etc) stuck with me for one central theme; adults will not help you.
Multiple kids tell their parents about the troll and are dismissed. Fair enough. But then kids start vanishing. The children beg not to be forced to leave their homes, for fear of the monster. Maybe at this point, somebody (perhaps the COP father of the main kid?) should have said "What if there's some weirdo dressed in monster makeup out there, trying to kidnap our children? Maybe someone should look into it."
NOPE! The Moms and Dads just dismiss the kids fears over and over and over again. This is a common trope in most kid-centered movies, from Hocus Pocus to Paranorman. But here, these kids are basically getting murdered. The kids from the start of the movie are in doll form for 50+ years. And the last thing we see/hear any of the kids doing in screaming in terror. This is serious business, and the grownups are useless at best.
As an adult, this puts a whole new fear into the mix. What if your kids were in danger, and you dismissed their pleas for help? You, who are supposed to be their protector above all else?
The shitty audio only makes the screams more visceral.
Replace that Troll with a human predator, you've got a cautionary tale wrapped in delicious Halloweeny goodness.
As a childless adult who no longer cares if other adults believer her wild tales, what treats or terrors does this movie have for me? I love Varney and Kitt's performances. I love the practical effects. I love the cheesy 90's aesthetic, and the real creepy feeling the Troll manages to convey. It's one of my favorite nostalgic Halloween movies.
I give Ernest Scared Stupid six wooden doll children out of ten. A bit better than your average kids flick, but don't expect to get the same joy out of it as your six year old.
The art itself is fine, but the implications are what really makes this piece work. Mrs. Lovette, not an obsessed, lovesick psychopath, but a plain psychopath willingly jerking Sweeney Todd to her whims. Brr.
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