Five things nobody tells you about acting.

5. Good local theater exists.

I’m in several community theaters, and at least 75 of my nearly 100 shows have been good. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of crappy theater, local and professional. Sometimes it’s a bad cast, sometimes the show itself is faulty. But most theaters are good. A community theater will implode on itself if they can’t get butts in seats, so you’ll usually be safe.

Shameless plug is shameless. Yes, that is me as Morticia.

4. You will do shit and not even know.

I was in a small (indie) film a few years ago. Elder Growth. The best thing I can say about it is I tried hard. Three people, found footage, evil trees, and some of the most pretentious writing of all time.

But at the time, I thought it wasn’t bad. I knew it wasn’t shakespeare, but it wasn’t that bad. Then I watched it a month ago. It’s baaaaad. See it here, if you’re interested.

3. What goes around stays around.

Fiddler on the Roof. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The Producers. The Wizard of Oz. Even people who have never seen a show will know at least a couple of these from the movie versions.

What you don’t know is that local theaters LOVE these shows. Why? They’re big names, and guarenteed to get butts in seats. Most of them have large kid choruses, which means grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everybody coming to see lil’ Suzie on stage.

I know people who are sick of these shows, they’ve done them so much. I like all of ‘em, but I’ve only done these at the most twice. I’ve played my favorite parts already in Joseph and Fiddler. Looks like it’s all downhill from here!

2. People get hurt.

You all know the stories of Hollywood stars dying because of a role (or at least the urban legends). What you don’t hear about is the small things. For instance: guess which one of these things happened to me on stage, during a show:

A. Thumb in the eye during a musical number.

B. Falling on my foot and breaking it.

C. Getting burned by embers from an explosion.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a little.

That’s right, ALL OF THEM. The burnination was just last Sunday. To be fair, the explosion was a planned effect, but it still hurt. I’ve had people burned on dry ice, fall and break their noses, fall down stairs, faint in the light booth, and a dozen other things. Theater is HARD CORE.

I’m not saying it’s a vast wasteland of injured and dying actors.

All I’m saying is that accidents can and do happen. But the show must go on. Even if you’re blind in one eye and limping. Ow.

1. There’s a LOT of illegality.

It’s common practice to tape a night or two of a show and sell it to cast members so they can have a keepsake. It’s also incredibly illegal. But most rights companies look the other way, as long as you don’t sell to the public. It’s not worth their time to come after literally EVERY theater in existence.

What about plagiarized shows? It does happen. I was in a production of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory YEARS before the rights were issued. How? They literally took the script from the movie, and tossed in a few lines from the book. Voila. It was Standing Room Only. I still have no idea how we got away with it.

Five things nobody tells you about working at a funeral home

A few months ago, I landed my current job at a local funeral home. I'm an office manager, not somebody who touches the dead people. That is the first question I get after the 'eww' reaction. Here are a few things I've learned working here.

5. Dead people liven things up.

     I work in a small funeral home owned and operated by a larger corporation. No big deal. Most funeral homes aren't Mom and Pop organizations, what with the heavy regulations and fierce competition. But since my location is smaller and not as fancy, we don't get as many funerals. Consequently, things are dead in here. Figuratively. 

At least two days a week, I never see another employee. And most days, people just stop by to grab something real quick and head out again. I have to record everything I do on a log to prove that I'm actually working, since most of my forerunners just goofed off.

Funerals make all the difference.There's extra cleaning, chairs to be dragged out, and families to deal with. It's a lot like a out of town visit when you're a kid: new food comes in, you have to look your best, and crawl out of your bedroom in order to greet people.

4. We're not all dour undertakers.

No, not even close.

     

     One of the Funeral Directors (the guys in suits who take you money and empty dead people's fluids, among other things) I work with is in his mid twenties. This guy is constantly grinning and joking around. And he's not alone. We don't make jokes about the bodies, or play Weekend at Bernies, but it's not by any means all business all the time. 

One example: once my HR manager and said director spent a few hours figuring out their employees 'catchphrases.' Mine was 'I gotcha'.

Could be worse.

3. There is so much freaking paperwork.

     "But Rebecca" you say (because most of you don't know my real name, and I'm not dumb enough to attach it to this), "of COURSE there's paperwork. The government and doctors need to make sure everybody's dead, otherwise we get an Edgar Allen Poe sequel."

True, a lot of the paperwork is about making sure the decedent is who we think, they're where we think, and that all permits and regulations are followed. What you don't think about is the massive amounts of printing, billing, checklists, more checklists, and enough mail to choke a horse. I filled a notepad just dealing with the paperwork aspects. Never mind customer service: they assumed I could do that, no problem. But filing an order for a casket? We spent a DAY on that, and I'm still not fully trained.

2. Dead people can be anywhere.

     The office supply room is in the basement. The casket display is also in the basement. So is the embalming room. On two separate occasions I've gone for post-its and been faced with an un-embalmed body in the office supply area. Both times I fled back upstairs, totally freaked. It's not against regulations, unsanitary, unsafe, or a violation of the decedent in any way.

It's just creepy as fuck.

I've stumbled across embalming photos on computers, people with plastic wrap on their faces waiting for the makeup and hair lady (an amazing woman who was a funeral director in the sixties when women were just barely getting past the MRS. degree), and a host of other freaky things. Once they're casketed and on display, my issues fade. But that doesn't hold a candle to the last surprise.

1. Haunting are no big deal.

Booo or whatever.

     At least, to me. I hear phantom footsteps and voices all day when I'm alone. I figured it was my imagination, until another director heard them too. We went down to investigate, and nobody was there. 

The weirdest thing that's happened is one day, I kept getting urges to check the window, when I'd either just checked, or wasn't due for a while. Each time I saw a delivery van, or my boss coming in. I was able to greet them and looked like a model employee. 

"So what?" You ask. So a little later I was downstairs after hearing another voice. Three feet in front of me, I heard a distinctly male voice say "Muuuuhhhh."

It ain't Shakespeare, but who am I to judge? I went to the door, and yep, a delivery AND my boss. 

The ghost seems to be the former owner of this place, who lived here when it was a house. He stays downstairs, make little noise (I've been tricked down a few times when nobody's there), and seems benign to benevolent. Hell, I have worse living neighbors.

The rest of the staff is disturbed by my encounters, so I've learned to keep mum unless asked directly. As for me, the bodies freak me out much more than a ghost. Ghosts I deal with pretty well.

But that's another story.

Five books/book series that deserve a fandom

Five wonderful worlds that deserve the fandoms attached to  (also good!) things like Game of Thones and The Walking Dead.

5. Temeraire: His Majesty's Dragon (series) by Naomi Novik.

     A series set in the Napoleonic wars where everything is the same as ever was...EXCEPT dragons exists, they're as smart as people (mostly), can talk, and the army uses them for kick ass aerial battles.

Temeraireby sandara
This drawing is TOTALLY ACCURATE. That is the aforementioned Temeraire. Just one of a hundred different types of dragons, and dragon characters. He and his captain travel the world, learning about other cultures and how they treat dragons, all while fighting a freaking war. It's written amazingly well, and the last book is set to come out soon. Out of eight.

What do we have so far? Well, Peter Jackson is supposed to be making a mini-series about it...someday...There's also some really cool art online.

4. The Myth Adventures series, by Robert Lynn Asprin.

     This follows a young magician/thief Skeeve and his powerless (formerly powerful) demon mentor Aahz. Instead of being the chosen one or anything like that they use Aahz's knowledge and Skeeve's growing power to form an inter dimensional powerbase and near mafia. And they're the GOOD GUYS.

What do we have so far? A nice comic adaptation. Really, this needs to be an animated movie. But the comic is quite good.

3. 20th Century Ghosts, by Joe Hill.

     This is a bizarre collection of stories, that I loosely classify as horror, but that's not a wide enough spectrum.

Just a peek at what's inside: a kid turns into a giant bug, and happily goes on a rampage. Two friends growing up, but one is an inflatable boy made of plastic. The museum of silence, where last breathes are housed. Amazing, weird, horrifying, wonderful tales.

What do we have so far? It was a best seller, but no art or fans or adaptations that I can find. Joe Hill's novels are very popular (also quite good), so there's hope.

2. Small World, by Tabitha King.

A book where what has science done hits political intrigue. The short of it ( heh heh) scientist invents shrink ray and a crazy, but powerful, woman who loves dollhouses seduces him. Then this happens:

Yeah. It's a nail biter, sexy, and thrilling.

What do we have so far? NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. No fanart, no fandom, nada. And Mrs. King deserves all of it! Let's get the ball rolling people: find a copy online (it's super easy), buy it in a used bookstore, ANYTHING. Just read this kickass book.

1. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial: the Novelization.

     The book is from E.T.'s point of view, explains SO MUCH (like live didn't bring him back, his alien friends did, also he's a space botanist, also HIS REAL NAME). It's well written, and just different enough from the movie to be weird as hell.

What do we have so far? I could barely find a copy of the cover in Google images, but there are copies of this thing all over the place. Find one. Buy it. Read it. Discuss. Also, a sort of sequel, but it's by someone else, I haven't read it, and have no opinion.

Five things nobody tells you about the paranormal

    I’ve had many experiences in my life, from seeing a phantom face, hearing voices and footsteps, and being grabbed so hard by something that it left a bruise. But for all the ghost hunters and mediums on TV, there are still a lot of things nobody’s ever brought up. For instance...

5. Not everything is a ghost.

    I don’t mean in the ‘Oh, it was just a creaking door’ or ‘you were drunk’ kind of way. But not everything is a ghost. There are less definable things out there, from ‘spirits’ to ‘shadow people’ or just plain creepiness.

    Do I believe in lizard folk and world wide conspiracy? Not at all. I’m just saying the label of ‘ghost’ is used a bit more than necessary. We understand the concept of a ghost, even if we don’t believe. But a shadow person? There’s a lot of theories, but it comes down to ‘living shadows that come from nowhere, and we have no idea why, or what they’re doing.’ Brr. Give me great aunt Ethel any day.

4. Most women are psychic

    Call it Mother’s intuition, precognitive abilities, or latent PMS, but most women are to some degree psychic. When I’ve brought up my abilities (limited to an occasional precognitive dream) in a group of women EVERYONE will have a story to tell. Often a lifetime worth.

    I’ve met one man who has a similar ability, and again, only brought it up when a group of women were with him and already discussing it. If men also have this ability, they’re being tight lipped for fear of ridicule.

    Try it, ladies (and open minded men). Even if you’ve never had an experience that you remember, start the conversation. You’ll be surprised.

3. Being psychic is useless

    TV psychics are Bullshit. Psychics you pay are Bullshit. I have had personal experiences, and I still know these people are bullshit. Psychic ability varies in strength and talent, but there is no way in hell Sylvia Brown could look at a person and tell them how their loved one died. A psychic impression from a personal item? Maybe, but that’s one hell of a maybe.

    Your garden-variety psychic will be limited to gut instinct that may be a little stronger than most peoples, and an occasional precognitive dream or vision. That’s it. And even those are useless little snippets from everyday life. The best I’ve had? I’ve avoided pointless arguments with my husband, and stopped myself from biting my tongue. Woo-hoo! America’s Got Talent here I come!

2. Research doesn’t fix everything.

    In a TV show or movie, even a ‘reality’ show, an investigator will dig up something to explain what’s happening. In real life, this isn’t the case. My house has weird stuff going on the whole time I’ve lived there (AKA my whole life), but I have no idea why. There’s no deaths that I can find, no satanists, nothing. The place was built in the fifties, changed hands two or three times, and now my family owns it. End of story.

    Which doesn’t come close to explaining my last issue...

1. You can get used to anything.

    My bedroom is shaped like a shoebox. My bed was positioned lengthwise inside. I slept on the left side since I got out of the crib. 29 days out of 30 I had a nightmare that would keep me awake for at least an hour.

    It wasn’t until I mentioned this offhand to my brother in law that it struck me as odd. I never considered that other people didn’t get terrible nightmares every night of their lives.

    Why do I say this is paranormal and not just my wounded psyche? The nightmares abruptly stopped at age fifteen, when I switched sides of the bed. I didn’t notice they were gone, aside from vague relief. I figured it had to do with growing up.

    Then a friend mentioned whenever she slept over (on the left side, of course), she had the most awful nightmares.

    When I rolled to that side in my sleep? Nightmares. When other friends stayed over? Nightmares.

    I have no explanation for this. My bed is situated differently now, and when I sleep on the left I have no issues. Something about that corner of my room, not the bed itself, is the problem.

    The dreams were scary enough. The idea that I never knew anything was wrong for fifteen years is infinitely more terrifying.

AlmaCon: Epic-tastic

So, some time ago, I attended a local anime and gaming convention, AlmaCon. Granted, local in this case is a two hour drive, but it was well worth it. Only $5 to get in for the whole weekend, you can't beat that. The Motor City Comic Con charges about $25 PER DAY. And that's just to get in, not meet any special guests. I'm looking at YOU, Stan Lee.

So what was at AlmaCon? Well, the short list is:
Doug Walker, AKA The Nostalgia Critic
Chris Niosi, AKA Kirbopher.
Martin Billany, AKA LittleKuriboh
As well as several fine voice actors from things like DBZ, FMA, and other great artists.

I got to meet Doug first thing, with Bahamute. He complimented me on my home made Harley Quinn mallet. He congratulated Bahamute and I on our upcoming nuptials. "You (me) must be busy, and you (Bahamute) must be terrified." We got a pic, and scuttled off with a couple of signed DVDs. A great experience!

Next, there were a few fun panels. How to make a Manga Character (hilarious and informative), Kirbopher's Flashstravaganza, (lots of info about animating and how not to be in it for the wrong reasons), an acting workshop with the voice of Shou Tucker where Bahamute got to do a fun acting exercise. Lunch at the Braveheart Pub, and back to the Con for Doug's panel about movies that you love/hate and every disagrees with you on. Then, on to the FMA panel with Shou Tucker, Scar (Brotherhood) and Jean Havok. Those three are a FREAKING HOOT, and told a LOT of fun stories when they weren't tossing around water bottles.

Then back to the merch room to buy one more character coin from LittleKuriboh. He was nice enough to call Grizz as Seto Kaiba. I was crying, it was so funny. And LOOOONG. Like at least 5 minutes.

Then, I was a creep.

I overheard the volunteer mention that Doug and the other Talent were going to the Braveheart Pub for food and drinks. So, I muttered to Bahamute "Wanna go back to the to Braveheart?"

 "That's where they're all going, isn't it?" He knew.

"Yeeaah, but I'm not gonna ambush 'em or anything."

"...Sure. I could use a drink." He agreed. So, we were creepers together.

On the way, I confessed a small fantasy: That the bar would be nearly empty, and Doug would recognize us and call us over to sit with him and the others, to just talk and hang out. Stupid. It was a college town on a Saturday night. No way would the bar be empty. No way would they want to hang with some weird fans.

Well, when we parked and got out. I wasted a few minutes throwing on a shirt over my leather bodic (borrowed from my RenFest outfit). As I closed the door, Doug Walker walked past with a small group. Holy Crap! Was my fantasy about to come true???

I fell into step a few paces behind, and we all entered the pub. The very, very full pub. Doug and the others headed for the back. Bahamute and I grabbed a table a few seats away. My heart sunk. No fantasy becoming reality today. We ordered our drinks and got ready to head out. I went to the restroom, nearly slipping on the wooden floor behind Doug.

'Perfect. Fall and break your leg in front of The Nostalgia Critic and LittleKuriboh. That'd be a really shitty end to the day.' I made it to the bathroom, admittedly a little buzzed, and headed out a few minutes later. Passing back by Doug, my mind flashed to a scene in Hannibal where Lecter is on a Merry-Go-Round behind Starling. He reaches out and barely brushes her hair. She turns, but he's already gone, and she's not sure he was even there.

'You could do that.' A devilish little voice whispered as I saw Dough's thinning, short hair.

Then, the voice of reason perked up 'Okay, you just crossed the line from fan to stalker. TIME TO GO.'

And go I did, leaving Doug Walker unmolested, and not landing myself in jail. All in all, a good day.

SuperWhoLock: What the Hell?

I am a fan of Sherlock Holmes. I've read all the books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, I own them as well, I was a big fan of House, I love the Robert Downey Jr. movies, Disney's The Great Mouse Detective, and of course, THIS:

As a fan of the BBC Sherlock, I follow several blogs on Tumblr that specialize in Sherlock-related posts. The only odd thing is that at least 50% of them also frequently post Dr.Who and Supernatural (the show, not the basic phenomenon) stuff. And what's more, they frequently cross the three over into one ubermench show.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate either of these shows. I've just never seen them. I just don't get why people want to combine the three. Dr. Who and Sherlock, okay, both British, both Stephen Moffat. But how the hell does Supernatural fit in there?

This is akin to making Superman fight Wolverine and Paul Chadwick's Concrete. Two are superheros from two separate universes that have existed for decades and share a basic fandom. One is a LITERAL Dark Horse that was abducted by aliens, put into an artificial body, and lives in an otherwise normal world and just happens to be a graphic novel. In other words, zero connection outside medium.

Though he does seem a bit like The Thing, I'll give you that.

So, why put these three radically different shows together? Just because teen girls to twenty somethings enjoy all of them? That argument never made the Buffy, Sex in the City, and Sailor Moon crossover popular, did it?

Wait, gotta check Google.

Okay, nope. We're good.

So...it's just weird. And as someone who tries to shine a light into the deep recesses of nerd-dom and report back, I may have to start watching these shows and get an idea of why people think they'd mesh well.

Right after Series 4 comes out. Heh.

People are Dying to get out

I just found out that they went through 4 people in a year in my position at work.

Eep.

Now, it's not an easy job. There's a LOT to learn, especially about how to properly document things. Last night I was at work for an extra hour and a half (paid) putting in a late contract. I had no plans, so I was just very tired and hungry when I got home.

But I learned how to do it properly.

Today is my day off. Sucks because it's the only day this week Bahamute works for sure (he got called in last night, and was gone before I got home).

All in all, still really excited about the job. But tired. But hopeful.

Also, small side note, I LEARNED HOW TO USE A WORD PROCESSOR. It's awesome. I might get to type up death certificates!

In other news, going to go spend an hour on the phone so I can prove I'm me and get healthcare. Yaaaaay.

Achievement Unlocked: First Week at New Job Completed!

So, it's official: I work at several local funeral homes.

And it is kinda awesome.

For those of you who regularly read my blog, you'll know I was out of work for about two months prior to this, so even a part time job is a step up. Now, I find myself an office Manager for a small funeral home literally TWO MINUTES from my house (and a fill in for two others,slightly farther away).



As for the actual job, let me answer your big questions:

NO, I don't do anything with bodies. It takes years of training to do anything with them. The closest I've come to a body was going down to the supply room, which is next to where they store/work on bodies. Perhaps slightly creepy, but it doesn't bother me.

YES, part of my job is working funeral services, if they need me. This will involve showing people where to hang up coats, and answering simple questions. More like being a hostess than anything yes.

NO, it's not creepy. My office is upstairs, and used to be a house. It has PLUS PINK CARPET for Pete's sake!

Pictured: Office Cuteness Level

So, what do I actually do, you ask. Well, A LOT. I take payments, enter payments, enter bills, put in contract info/change contract info, take checks to the banks, do the mail, and about a hundred other things for which I'm training on the computer. So, general office manager stuff, with a VERY sharp learning curve. My supervisor says I'm doing really well, but at the end of some days I can't even think straight. I feel kinda dumb.

But not this dumb.

The people are all really nice, and very upbeat. No dour old undertakes in my offices. One of the Funeral Directors, let's call him Art, is about my age, and pretty much the least serious individual I've ever met. It took me aback, but they're all dead professional (ha ha, pun) with the families.

A few little oddities have abounded. I'm apparently the only one with an English degree (not surprising, it's not field related), but have not become known for using big words that have to be explained. Words like 'Preemptive' and 'Jubilant'.  I'm also the comma and apostrophe editor, and have been asked about minor wording issues on service materials, like obituaries and programs.

All in all, I like the job, but I wish I could go six months into the future and pluck all the knowledge and experience out of my head, and bring it back here. I understand how to do things: now just comes memorization.

On an unrelated topic, pretty sure the house ghost/presence is acting up again, as a music box that quite literally hasn't been touched in years went off while Bahamute and I played Minecraft last night (among other things). Cheers!

And sweet dreams.

Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared (of the internet)

Some of you may not be familiar with the puppetry phenomenon taking the internet by storm. If not, check out these two videos. Warning, they are CREEPY and a bit gory. Probably not safe for work, depending on if your boss is around or not.

Go ahead, watch 'em. I'll wait, and they're less than 8 minutes put together.

 The two videos are very interesting, and personal favorites of mine. Childlike whimsy mixed with puppets and creepiness: sign me up!

Of course, with popularity, comes fandom. And with fandom, comes people  who will recreate your characters in their own image. Just have a look at some of the art the two DHMIS's has inspired.


(From this artist)

Yep, that's the notepad and the clock. One artist on Tumblr drew humanized versions of the characters, and now the fandom has exploded with art.

And cue the ridiculous hate storm.

On Tumblr (the source of most of the art) people are complaining about the drawings. 'Why is it a herto couple?' 'Why do they 'look white'?' 'Why is their only one set design?'

These are drawings created by a fan that other people recreated of INHUMAN (but not inanimate) objects.  And other fans are offended by this. Instead of creating their own designs, they're just bitching and complaining. Kind of a microcosm of actual societal problems.

By the way, the puppets are voiced by a woman and man, respectively, which is why they are drawn that way.

For my part, I'm just boggled by the depth and creativity of some of these things. And for the record, there needs to be more art of the Red Guy (nicknamed Harry by the fans for obvious reasons). He's become an unofficial mascot of being done with weird stuff.

 



(the artist)

(this artist)

(original post)






So, you can understand why I might identify with Red.

The (Job) Hunter Games: The first Day is Nigh

Monday I officially start my new job at a local funeral home. Extremely local. Literally 2 minutes from my home (unless I'm at one of the other two locations). And not a bit two soon. My greenback stack is getting kinda slack, to borrow a Flanders-ism.

Wise words.

So, what does this mean for the future? Well, my free time will be back to pre-unemployment levels, and I'm okay with that. Just the prospect of getting a job got me working on my manuscripts and Wedding stuff. So actually having less time will make me more motivated. Or so the past has shown.

Other than that...Well, I don't know yet. I'll know more after Monday; how things work, what I'm expected to do daily, all that good stuff. I'm super excited.

In other news, I'm in day five of the week long separation from my fiancee, AKA his Florida vacation. In coming years when my employment situation is solid, I'll be able to join him. For now, just slogging through the last few cold days. At least I've been busy addressing invitation. Super fun.

Well, gotta go: I'm heading out for a brief visit with an apparently adorable bulldog. :D PUPPY!