Five Nontraditional Christmas Classics

As much as I love Rudolph, there's a lot more to the season than claymation and The Santa Clause. Here are my top five classics from off the snowy path. Happy Friday!

5. Road to the North Pole (Family Guy)

Family Guy's general quality is a solid mediocre, but the 'Road to ____' episodes starring Brian and Stewie are usually the best. This special is no exception: it is a dark, nihilistic take on the holiday, criticizing the greed and general corruption that has overtaken Christmas. Also usual for Family Guy, there's nary a mention of religion. This is purely a secular satire. So if you're in the mood for something brooding and gory, this is the special for you.

4. Pinocchio's Christmas

From the people who brought us Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, we get this train wreck of a special. The songs are terrible, the plot makes no sense, and it adds nothing to the Pinocchio mythos. This first aired in 1980, and until I spotted it on Youtube, I thought I imagined its existence.  Just try and get through all 49 minutes. I dare you.

3. Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (The Simpsons)

This special is on this list, as opposed to the first episode of the series 'Simpson's Roasting on an Open Fire', because it's not your classic story of redemption. Bart burns down the tree, ruins the gifts, and covers it up. In any other special when he confesses (and he does, in surprisingly heartfelt moment) the family and town would forgive him. Instead he's violent choked and the family is ostracized by the whole town. Merry Christmas!

2. Die Hard

Do I even need to explain why this movie, often called the perfect action movie (by me) is on this list?

A perfect storm of acting, story, violence, and Christmas joy. HO-HO-HO indeed.

1. Gremlins

A story about a man getting his son a pet for Christmas, and things get out of hand. That could be any one of a dozen classics. But how many of them have murder and a small town getting razed to the ground? Not to mention the WORST Santa story of all time. Fa la la la la, la la la DEATH!

Media Transfer

A change in medium necessitates changes in how a story is told. Very few adaptations can follow the source material 100% and retain quality. This is something that is hotly debated on the internet: mostly under the trope "They Changed it, now it Sucks!" I've made that argument myself, many times.

Sometimes following something closely just doesn't work. Case in point: the 1980s BBC Chronicles of Narnia serial. The effects and acting don't help (Eustace, Jill, Puddleglum, and Reepicheep aside).  It takes it's plot and lines almost wholesale from the books. And as much as I enjoy the adaption, there are many spots where it is horribly dull.

But you can't beat that music.

This is turned on its ear by the newer movies: the acting and effects are top-notch, while the plot varies so wildly its hardly the same story. I despised the new Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe the first time I saw it. I haven't re-watched it recently, so I can't speak to any modified views.

Where the series caught me was 'Prince Caspian' and 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' both of these add a LOT of new elements (a quest for magic swords on top of a quest for missing lords. WHY?!) but they felt like necessary changes. We explore how the kids feel about coming back to a ruined Narnia where the beings they knew are all dead (with the exception of Jesus). The very serialized feel of Dawn Treader was molded (albeit clumsily) into a confrontation with another incarnation of The White Witch. It was different, but it worked.

Yes, even the music grew on me. I still prefer the BBC though.

The lesson here is simple: change what you have to, but retain the feel. Fans won't forgive every change (and some will forgive none, yours truly included) but we will at least understand why they were done. I'd rather have something half-represent the actual source than something that takes just the name and slaps it onto an unrelated story.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU

Five Nightmare Before Christmas Parody Videos

It's that magical time of year between Halloween and Christmas, when The Nightmare Before Christmas can shine. In that spirt, here's a bunch of stuff making fun of it. Enjoy!

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My dinner with Spock

It's no surprise that 'm a big fan of Star Trek, both The Original Series and The Next Generation. Out of all the shows, movies, and tie-in novels, Mr. Spock is my favorite character. I love Leonard Nimoy and Zachary Quinto in the role. Spock is one of the most fascinating characters I've come across in my vast television viewing experience.

Until recently, I didn't realize it was because I identify with him.

I am not coldly logical. I am not a scientist or a peacekeeper or an ambassador. I am not an alien (as far as you can prove).

I am a child of two worlds. My father was Jewish and my Mother is a Christian. I was raised Christian, but I've always felt a strong connection to my father's heritage. I've been repeatedly told I'm not Jewish and have no claim to my own history, much like Spock among his Vulcan peers.

I am passionate. The Vulcan's hide their emotions and their deep well of passion, as it almost destroyed them. It's the reason the Vulcans and the Romulans split. To show passion or emotion is at the very least uncouth. Vulcan 'Alzheimers' is when a Vulcan loses control of his emotions.

Spock's father, Sarek

My friends will attest to my love of...well, many things from Trek to the whole genera of horror and hundresds of books, movies, people, tv shows, and other things in between. I will devote myself wholeheartedly and laud my obsessions from the rooftops if I'm able.

Or I used to: more and more I find myself hiding the force of how much I enjoy things. It's caused me a lot of pain when people don't share my views or make fun of how much I like things. I've stopped suggesting watching movies around certain friends as its caused a lot of mocking. For better or worse, I'm keeping some of that force inside.

I am almost always cold. What does this have to do with Spock? Vulcan's have a lower core body temperature than human beings. It's mentioned across various media that Spock is often cold in normal human rooms. It's been suggested that the look of peace on Spock's face when he's in the volcano in Star Trek Into Darkness is due to him being warm for the first time since [SPOILER] Vulcan was destroyed .

We have both watched a parent die.

Originally this was going to be a fun 'ha-ha, I'm a nerd, I love Spock!' blog. I've actually made myself depressed. Spock and I share brokenness and despair. We share introversion and loneliness. We have loss and pain in common.

Maybe that isn't the worst thing.

Spock is fictional, but so are many of the heroes people look up to. Superman. Katniss Everdeen. The public face of some politicians.

Or at least the person who lampoons them.

Why should I leave it at pain? We have other things in common. Loyal friends and lovers. A sense of purpose in life. The wish to help others even at cost to ourselves.

Not that I'm about to jump into a reactor core. *BAWWWWWWW*

I can only hope to live up to that character. A man who prevented wars and bridged gaps. Who made his family proud. Who lived a long, fruitful life. A happy life, despite everything he suffered.

I could to a lot worse than to share things with Spock. Even painful things. It's corny but true: if he can do it, so can I.

Dif-tor heh smusma, my friends.

Five Terrible Parents

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