Frozen is just Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

After re-watching my childhood favorite Christmas special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with some friends, I came to an interesting conclusion; Frozen is very similar. Behold, my mighty trove of evidence:

1. The main character is shunned and made to feel ashamed of their non-conformity.

Sam the Snowman literally calls it a "non-conformity." What the hell, 1960s.

2. Talking/Singing snowman.

3. Prominent Reindeer character.

Rudolph has more, but they look a little funkier than Sven.

4. Blond side-kick who needs to do their own thing, accompanied by said Reindeer.

5. Plenty of songs children will love, but will be ear-worms for adults.

6. Parents who mean well, but fall short.

At least Donner repented.

Now, am I saying that Frozen would have been enhanced with a sassy (possibly gay) elf ? Yes, but only because that's true of almost any movie.

It worked for Lord of the Rings/

What the...

A substitute teacher showed third graders horror movies and gave them handouts on rappers.

As much as I'm a proponent of scaring kids, this is neither the time or the place. Even if the sub was allowed to show them movies in class in lieu of a lesson plan, there's plenty of terrifying age appropriate movies.

 

 Don Bluth alone can cover a year of nightmares. Also, HOLY CRAP, A DON BLUTH KICKSTARTER!

As for rap, there are plenty of rappers and rap songs that don't have excessive cursing.

The only conclusion I can come to is the teacher can't be fired, but is done working with kids. The infamous rooms of teachers who can't be put with children but keep getting paid is this sub's destination. Or maybe it's just the most creative 2 weeks notice of all time.

Let's hope the blame stays on the sub, not the material itself; so far so good, but this kind of thing turns on a dime. If any of those kids grow up to be criminals, someone will trace it back to this 'mentally scarring' incident. Keep your fingers crossed.

What level of the tower am I on?

I just read Matthew McConaughey is in the running to play The Gunslinger Roland Deschain in the film adaptation of Stephen King's magnum opus series, The Gunslinger. He's also been offered The Man in Black, the book's antagonist.

I think McConaughey would make a spectacular Man in Black. He's got that charming with a touch of menace thing down pat. Roland though? He's too young. That role needs someone in their mid 40s...

...which I just discovered McConaughey is.

Huh.

Well then. He's still way too handsome to play Roland (nicknamed "old long tall and ugly" by his friend). But that's to be expected in any Hollywood adaptation. Ron Pearlman would be a great fit.

 

He's a real looker when he's a demon.

 I don't know who I'd 'dream cast' for this. Maybe Ty Simpkins as Jake, Evan Peters as Eddie, and Kerry Washington as Susannah.

Not that I've thought a lot about it.

I'm not as attached to this film as I am to the (possible) remake of IT. I've long said Seth Green should play the adult version of Richie "Man of a 1000 Voices" Tozier. Especially since he played the kid version last time.

So perfect I could cry.

 I also want Robert Sean Leonard for adult Bill Denbrough.

But that's as far as I've got. Frankly, I'm not excited for the new version. Much like LOTR, IT's been called unfilmable, and I have to agree. I'd love Hollywood to prove me wrong, but I'm keeping my expectations low.

And if Roland says 'alright alright alright' I'm going to murder everything.

The Days Ahead

Today is my first day at my new job.

My first *full* day. I've had 2 weeks of training, half-days, shadow days, tests, desk-set up, and other rigmarole. Today I start my regular (until January) shift. I've decorated the small shelf in my half-cube with a golden Homer/Buddah, a happy Harley Quinn, some plastic white tigers, and Makoto Kino (better known as Sailor Jupiter). Happy faces I can look at until I get a photo of Bahamute.

See?

I remembered my lunch, my ID badge, and my shift time. I arrived with more than enough time to write, drink cocoa, and ease into my day.

So far, so good.

The floor is quiet: most shifts start later, like mine. Gives me my much-craved solitude. I'm going to like this slow start to the day.

Now, to get all my pointless internetting done before I need to be productive. Better hurry.

Blogtober: This is it. Happy Halloween!

Blogtober: Hilloween

King of the Hill is one of my favorite animated shows. It is, as my Brother in law Grizz says "A show about a man who has a mid-level management job at a propane store, and thinks he has life by the balls."

Hank Hill, the aforementioned ball-holder, is the patriarch of the Hill family, and often the only sane man in a world populated by twigboys,  tree-hugging noodle brained communists, and Christian Rockers.

Preach it, Hank.

Hank is a Methodist, but not a bible-thumper, which is addressed in several episodes, but none so notably as Hilloween.  Here a newcomer to Arlen Texas, Junie Harper (voiced by the incomparable Sally Field) starts weaving the words of God into a tapestry of lies. Hank's niece by marriage, Luanne, gets sucked in, and helps convince the town to ban Halloween, and Bobby to see his father as a Satanist. It's up to Hank to save Halloween, and his son from a group of religious extremists.

Accurate. Sort of.

The episode, aside from being hilarious, is one of the few TV depictions of Halloween that matches my personal views. It's not a holiday about worshiping Satan. It's just a time for horror-themed fun. Hank's whole plan for the holiday is he "...Just want['s] Bobby to have a real scary Halloween, like I did as a boy."

The scariest thing in this episode is the notion of people using God's name to be cruel and intolerant. Glad nothing like that happens in real life!

As a Baptist, and a big proponent of horror, this sums it all up. I don't agree with Hank's pro-egging and TP attitude, but other than that, we're on the same page. Most Halloween specials are about kids getting TOO scared, and parents having to talk them down, or shame themselves for taking it too far. As a kid, this ticked me off. I never got that scared at haunted houses or scary movies. Those kids seemed like wusses, and the parents like dweebs. Hank was the first TV parent I saw who 'got it.'

And by 'it' I mean POSSESSED BY SATAN!

Another thing the episode tackles is the Christian alternative to a haunted house, a Hallelujah House (more commonly called a Hell House). It's a haunted house that delivers pro-Christian messages with scenes of abortions, premarital sex (special focus on gay couples giving each other aids!), school shootings, suicide, and evolution.

Since Halloween is when all the kids go get abortions.

I went to one of these with my youth-group once. Once. Our pastor never made that mistake again. Next year we went to a normal haunted house. When the Baptists are scared off, you KNOW you're going too far.

Not only does he have AIDS, he has SATAN!

Hank manages to save his son, his niece, and his town's Halloween celebration from the intolerant "Christians", all without losing his own ties to religion or personal beliefs. THAT'S a message I can get behind.

For more info on Hell Houses (and how to derail them) see THIS hilarious blog. Happy Halloween!

"Fine, go on, all of you! More room in Heaven for me!"

Blogtober: Attack of the Jack-O'-Lanterns

Goosebumps was the scary TV show for 90's kids. For a show based on a cheesy book series, it wasn't half bad. Not as good as "Are You Afraid of the Dark?", but still a faithful(ish) retelling of its source materials.

With a legitimately creepy intro to boot!

Enter one of my favorite episodes, Attack of the Jack-O'-Lanterns. Basic plot: several kids, two good, and two bratty, go trick or treating...FOREVER!

Or at least until the bratty kids are scared straight by the alien bffs of the two good kids. Yaaaaay.

AotJOL didn't lose much in the transition from page to screen. The Pumpkin head aliens are...okay.

Ehhh...spooky? Or just withered?

The actors are typical kid actors. Not the worst, but not amazing.

The real fun of this story comes from the creepy adults passing out candy, the 'for the greater good' esq chanting, and the bratty kids GETTING WHAT WAS COMING TO THEM.

Hm. Another story where adults aren't to be trusted and bullies get what's coming to them. Hooray for common psychological issues!

There are better Goosebumps stories, but this is my favorite of the Halloween-based ones (surprisingly few of them that there are). Still, I give it two pumpkin heads out of five. Unless you're really feeling nostalgic, just skip to an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Blogtober: The Honking

Futurama is one of the few shows that I watched new from it's premier episode, and one of the fewer that I followed to completion (all four of them).

"Wanna go 'round again?" 

The Honking is the closest the series comes to a Halloween episode. It takes the basic plot and tropes from the original Universal Studios The Wolf man and futures it up. Bender falls under the curse of the Were-Car and kills innocent people every night.

He's no Lon Chaney, but he'll do.

Bender is fated to kill Fry, unless they can murder the original Were-Car.

Shown here, attacking Calculon. It's complicated.

This episode, while not creepy, plays on all the great tropes: an eastern-European village with a secret (populated by religious robots), a gypsy fortune teller (robot), a haunted castle (again more robots). There's even a bit of Scooby Doo thrown into the mix, though that's resolved in the first act.

This is just a fun, classic episode that touches on the horror tropes of the 30's and 40's. For non-regular viewers, it can stand alone well enough.

There's another episode that feels like this in tone, but is closer to 70's/early 80's horror like An American Werewolf in London, or The Wicker Man, repleate with conspiring villages, foggy moores, and misunderstood monsters. But it's not quite as good as The Honking.

Though it does have a bone-sucking creature named "Mr. Peppy."

If you want something Halloweeny in tone, but without pumpkins everywhere, this is a prefect watch.

Blogtober: Ernest Scared Stupid

Ernest P. Worrell, played by the great, late Jim Varney, was the star of everything from Mellow Yellow ads to 9 feature films (12 if you count the ones planned before Varney's death). But I know him best from his two holiday movies: Ernest Saves Christmas, and Ernest Scared Stupid.

This says it all.

This movie hits most of the classic Halloween kids flick tropes, but manages to be entertaining, thanks to Varney (and Eartha Kitt). Please note, I didn't say 'good'. Just entertaining.

So, what happens in this "Wacky!" comedy for kids? A troll steals terrified children's souls and seals them into wooden dolls.

Brought to you by the people who made you terrified of clowns.

This movie scared a lot of kids (not yours truly, but I digress). So many, that it was the last Ernest film released by Touchstone Pictures (AKA Disney). Because Disney hates scaring kids.

Canonical!

Anyway, Ernest is the only adult in town who believes the terrified kids (aside from Eartha Kitt, but she's playing a character that's called crazy more than once). Also, he released the troll, so he's got a stake in this too.

The movie, while scary for small children in conventional ways (evil troll, bullies, etc) stuck with me for one central theme; adults will not help you.

Multiple kids tell their parents about the troll and are dismissed. Fair enough. But then kids start vanishing. The children beg not to be forced to leave their homes, for fear of the monster. Maybe at this point, somebody (perhaps the COP father of the main kid?) should have said "What if there's some weirdo dressed in monster makeup out there, trying to kidnap our children? Maybe someone should look into it."

NOPE! The Moms and Dads just dismiss the kids fears over and over and over again. This is a common trope in most kid-centered movies, from Hocus Pocus to Paranorman. But here, these kids are basically getting murdered. The kids from the start of the movie are in doll form for 50+ years.  And the last thing we see/hear any of the kids doing in screaming in terror. This is serious business, and the grownups are useless at best.

As an adult, this puts a whole new fear into the mix. What if your kids were in danger, and you dismissed their pleas for help? You, who are supposed to be their protector above all else?

The shitty audio only makes the screams more visceral.

Replace that Troll with a human predator, you've got a cautionary tale wrapped in delicious Halloweeny goodness.

As a childless adult who no longer cares if other adults believer her wild tales, what treats or terrors does this movie have for me? I love Varney and Kitt's performances. I love the practical effects. I love the cheesy 90's aesthetic, and the real creepy feeling the Troll manages to convey. It's one of my favorite nostalgic Halloween movies.

ERNEST SCARED STUPID colors

by pop-monkey

I give Ernest Scared Stupid six wooden doll children out of ten. A bit better than your average kids flick, but don't expect to get the same joy out of it as your six year old.

Fear's got the button

For anyone who hasn't seen it, Inside Out is the latest Pixar movie. It it amazing.

by HarleyMT

It might be my 2nd favorite computer animated film.

There's no one I would rather be...than me.

It's based on actual science, and explains a lot about how our brains and emotions work in a way graspable to children and adults. One major aspect of the film is showing that Joy is most often as the main character's emotional control board.

Right now, Fear is pushing all my buttons.

Yep, this guy.

Long story short, on Monday I have to call a client and apologize for something that everyone, including my boss, agrees wasn't my fault. We're just trying to placate this person. But the first time I was on the phone with this individual I was cursed at and ended up crying. The anticipation of going through that again has me so agitated that my husband talked me into taking an anxiety pill; something I've avoided since leaving the job that gave me the disorder in the first place.

Dead people were the least stressful part of that job.

I've talked out the issue with my husband, and logically it's not an unsolvable problem. But Fear doesn't care. I just have a constant stream of button pushes as the little guy insists that I'm in danger and I need to be on alert.

He's just trying to keep me safe. But knowing that doesn't make the pushing stop.

Distractions help. I watched a comedy last night that brought Joy back to the center console (the flick starred her voice actress, which helped). I cuddled with my husband which also helped. Then I took a prescription anxiety pill, ate candy,  watched more tv, and cuddled, which did the trick.

by Sashitasuperstar

Sometimes you've gotta knock a sucka out.

So, today I'm at rehearsal for my next show, heart hammering, trying to sing while terrified of something that hasn't happened and will be less terrible that it is in my mind. I know that.

But Fear doesn't.

Maybe I can watch a scary movie later and foist some of this excess off. I don't want to have to take another pill. But I will if it comes to that.

Whatever makes him stop pushing the button.

Sixty Eight to go

I have sixty eight unread books in my possession.

The feeling is accurate

Thanks LibraryThing. I knew I had a lot of books to get to, but before you I didn't know it was that many. I didn't know that I had 460 books. I didn't know my 20+ years of collecting had given me over 100 books that I can tag horror, and less than a dozen non fiction.

My library is more or less organized. Less. Less than Dewey Decimal, more than it was when half my books were on the floor. My unread are collected in six milk crates, topped with idols of geekery. Harley Quinn statutes, Platform  9 3/4 luggage tags, and even a lava lamp. My own little corner with my own little chair where I can be whatever I want to be.

So. What do I read first? Do I finally get to East of Eden, like a good English Major? The Scarlet letter? Gulliver's Travels? Treasure Island?

No.

I'm in the middle of a Star Trek the Next Generation novel, and a collection of Richard Matheson stories. I could be expanding my mind with great literary works, and I spend my time reading Harley Quinn and Ghostbuster comics.

It's not an intellectual wasteland. I've read The Sociopath Next Door. I've got The History of Scotland waiting in the wings. Yet I can't push past these literary lollipops. Sweets to rot a brain already overwhelmed with pop culture aplenty.

But why should I feel guilty? I've just finished Revival, a Lovecraft-inspired best seller from my favorite, Stephen King. I've been working on my manuscript and rehearsing for a show and working more often than not. Why shouldn't I allow myself a little rest when it comes to my literary pursuits?

I feel guilty for the mental laziness, just like my day-off laziness. Why should I rest when there's laundry and cleaning to do?

I can't always be go go go. It's hard to convince myself of that, but it's true. "I'm not a wabbit. I need some wrest." as Lily VonSthupp so famously sang.

One on, one off. That's the new policy. When I finish my Star Trek novel, it'll be on to something more hefty. Something deep and meaningful, and most importantly, NEW.

Even the silliest literary fluff is a little bit taxing when it's new. It's a stretch before a run. A warm up, a cool down, a way to keep my hand and head in the game.

I've been putting aside time to read each day. I never had to do that before. The time just happened in those inevitable dead spots of life, to borrow a phrase from Uncle Stevie. So few dead spots left. So rushed. So fast. So the time passes.

I will read these books. I will keep my mind sharp. I will enjoy the silly fluff bits in the middle. I will read and laugh and cry and furrow my brow and discuss what I find with my friends and family.

I will.

I have to.

Busy busy busy!

A short rundown of my life since the last blog:

• Manuscript is in final edit before sending to publishers/friends/the guilty whose names were changed.
• Puppy has quadrupled in size.
• Got a small raise/more hours at work.
• Hubby got root canal.
• In a show with many friends.
• Seeing shows that star other friends (Steppin' out and Annine Jr fyi, and FTW!) .
• Pet sitting.
• Was quoted as a source in an AWARD WINNING paper. 

Okay, I think that covers the basic excuses life events. 

Enjoy this dog with my apologies.

It's hard to remember that all writing is important, not just my book and side stories. This is therapeutic for me. I'm gonna recommit myself, if not to posting every day, than more often than never.

Lest I really need to commit myself...

I've had a few more panic 'episodes' but no straight out 'I can't breathe, the world is spinning to fast' attacks. Despite money troubles, things have been mostly looking up. Hubby is in line for a new job thanks to a longtime friend, and I'm getting real comfortable with everything at the vet. Except the euthanasia.

Much less fun than Uncle Stevie made me believe.

It feels good to be writing again. I miss the off-the-cuff style I only use here. I'll be doing it more. Promise.

One step forward, two steps back.

First, the good news: my brother-in-law and his boyfriend are engaged!

I couldn't be happier. Grizz and Gizmo (terribly clever aliases) are an amazing couple, and so perfect for each other. Not to mention, some of my favorite people to hang out with.

Now the soul-crushing reminder: they can't get married in Michigan.

Most soul-crushing thing I can find on short notice.

Not only can they not get married, but Michigan lawmakers are considering laws that would make it MORE legal to discriminate against them.

Direct quote from the above article: "In Michigan, it's legal to discriminate against customers based on sexual orientation or gender identity. A push last year to expand the state's civil rights law to include protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender Michiganders failed. So did a bill that would carve out overarching protections for businesses that discriminate, but piecemeal efforts to preserve different components of discrimination are under way in Lansing."

This law would allow the equivalent of these signs to be legal...again:

There were more...a lot more.

What can I say that I haven't already said? What can I do? I've written emails, I've called congressmen, I've slapped pink triangles on my car, I've shouted from my bully pulpit (such as it is). Still I sit here and watch two men I love wait for the government to allow them to have my rights and freedoms. To expect the protection I get without question.

But the end of the tunnel is coming.

From here

See that? 37 states where gay marriage is legal, and court cases in nearly all the rest. Michigan is a minority. And for once, I'm glad a minority is about to disappear.

Presto