Beautiful Screamer

I've had vivid nightmares my whole life. Nightmares that would keep me awake for hours, worried about the monsters under my bed, chasing me, tracking me, coming to get me. Just before meeting Bahamute these dropped drastically in frequency, now a distant third to stress dreams and normal dreams, when I remember dreaming at all.

There are exceptions, however.

Recently, Bahamute and I took a quick trip to visit the inlaws. It was a great weekend, marred only slightly by my anxiety. The second night of our 2 night 2.5 day trip, I was tossing and turning. I managed to get to sleep, but my brain was overtaxed, and I started having very strange dreams.

The nightmare started when (in the dream) I needed to pee and excused myself to the basement bathroom (which is real, though not as nice as the upstairs bath). I looked down the stairs, and saw a second staircase going upwards. 

Of course in reality, the stairs lead to a nice basement, not a void and another staircase. But I wasn't worried about that.

I was worried about the shadow person.

It was a cliche, but no less scary, since some cliches exist for a reason. A thing made of shadows, down on all fours, grinning at me with no mouth. It did one of those jumpcut teleport things, appeared at the bottom of my stairs, and chased me back to the living room.

I was screaming when the thing caught up. I grabbed it, and it was really soft and squishy, like one of those round microbead pillows.

"Look! Look!" I stretched it's grinning face in front of Bahamute and his mom. "Help me! Just look!"

The two of them were laughing, facing different directions.

"Just turn your heads!" I pleaded.

Then I woke up.

My nightmares have often returned to the well of 'something horrible is after me, but nobody will acknowledge it/believe me".  Part of this stems from my love of 'turning of age' movies: nobody ever believes the kids in those things. Unless it's well written.

But I'm 30, damnit. I've come and gone of age. And my tales of horror have been met with incredulity, but usually not outright disbelief, or refusal to see what's going on. So I have no idea what that was all about.

When I woke from the dream, I wasn't scared, but more confused and exhausted. I think the nightmare was brought on by a combo of Markiplier binging and getting these blogs ready.

All told, it's been a while since I've had a regular nightmare, and not a stress dream. It was a nice change.

Truth is stranger than fiction...maybe...

Purportedly true scary experiences, documented in reddit threads. Take with a grain of salt.

• Parents of Reddit, when did you realize your kid was creepy?
• What is the scariest book you ever read?
• What's the creepiest thing that's ever happened in your house/apartment?
• [Serious]Subway Workers, Tunnel Rats, and Explorers of Reddit, What's Your Scariest, Unexplained True Story of the Underground?
• Art teachers of reddit, what's the most disturbing artwork a student has ever submitted? 
• [SERIOUS] Redditors who spend a lot of time in the wilderness, what is the creepiest thing you have ever experienced out there? 
• [Serious]Subway Workers, Tunnel Rats, and Explorers of Reddit, What's Your Scariest, Unexplained True Story of the Underground?
  [Serious]Reddit, what is something you witnessed that made you question reality and why? 
• [Serious] What's the most disturbing thing in your family's history?
• Reddit, What Is Your r/NOSLEEP Story That Actually Happened? 
• [Serious]What's the creepiest thing you've seen while driving at night?
• What episode of a show really creeped you out?
• [Serious]Reddit, what is something you witnessed that made you question reality and why? 
• What is the creepiest "glitch in the matrix" you've experienced? 
• It's 3:54 a.m., your tv, radio, cell phone begins transmitting an emergency alert. What is the scariest message you find yourself waking up to?  
• What is the creepiest thing you've heard a child say?
•  What is the strangest thing you've seen/experienced in life that you still can't explain?
• What's the creepiest thing that happened on internet and is still available to see? 
• Police officers/cops of reddit who solved "paranormal" cases/getting calls because of "paranormal disturbances", what actually happened?
• Father-in-law's ghost story that he swears is true, and is corroberated by others. 
• Babysitters and creepy kids. 
•  [Serious] What is the most paranormal event you've experienced?\
• [Serious] People of Reddit who have encountered ghosts or other supernatural beings, what was your experience like? What happened?
• What's a movie that traumatized you as a kid? 
• People of Reddit who've encountered serial killers before they were caught: what is your story and how did you find out who they were?  
• [SERIOUS] Redditors, what's the creepiest thing you've ever experienced?
• What's the weirdest/creepiest thing you know about a relative? 
• Reddit, what mystery or unexplained phenomena made you go 'what the fuck?' 
• Hotel staff of Reddit, what is the creepiest, weirdest, most unexplained event that you've experienced on the job?
•  What episode of a show really creeped you out? 
• Funeral Home Directors: What is the weirdest thing families have ever done at a funeral/wake
• [Serious] Real Estate Agents of Reddit, what is the creepiest, strangest, or most unnerving experience you've had with a property or a client? 
•  Urban explorers of Reddit, what is your creepiest/ most horrifying experience?
• [serious] Redditors who believe in the paranormal, what convinced you it's real?
• [Serious] Military or Police Service members of reddit, what are the most spooky/unexplainable things to have happened to you in your career?
• [Serious] What is the creepiest moment of your life that you can't explain to this day?
• What is your go-to creepy/unexplained story, this can be anything from a paranormal encounter, glitch in the matrix or even aliens?
• (Serious) Redditors who have worked graveyard shift, what was the creepiest/unexplainable stuff you saw? 

It's generational, #1

So, for any readers who don't t know me personally, I'm married, sans kids (for now). I have several friends with kids in elementary and middle school. The oldest of these (we'll call her Ruby Gloom, because that show is the shit) is into horror, much like her parents, myself, and several of our friends.

Recently, Ruby thought she was ready to watch The Mist, after seeing a Youtube review. Spoilers: she was not.

I haven't even seen it, and I've read the story!

Me, hearing Mama Gloom relate this story, and knowing how Ruby usually glommed onto everything scary, couldn't let that go. "How about you and Ruby come over and we watch A Nightmare on Elm Street? I was her age when I saw that, and it's a lot less intense."

Pictured: the less intense option.

Mama Gloom agreed, having seen the film at a similar age and maturity. We agreed to keep Jaws on reserve, as it's even less intense, and Ruby was a fan of Jurassic Park.

Again: less intense.

It's strange how these things go in cycles. NOES is my favorite all time horror movie. One I consider very scary. One that is about a child murdered (and maaaaaybe molester, opinions are split). And yet, one I consider more appropriate than The Mist.

Granted, the Mist has a lot more in-your-face monsters right up front (at least in the book). NOES only has one, which Ruby is apparently already aware of.

Still the man of your dreams, after all these years.

And while I do think Ruby can handle this, I also think it's going to end up scarier for her in the long run. There is a lot of gore, and while the deaths are limited, they are intense.

The things in the Mist are tough, but can be killed. Freddy is eternal. And while the films vary in both quality and level of scariness, overall Freddy is one of the scariest monsters out there. And Ruby doesn't know how many of her favorites drew inspiration from him. He warped reality and got stronger as people knew him, much like Slenderman. He is strongly associated with kids, like Freddy Fazbear. Like Jeff the Killer he...

...Um...

Nope, that's a bridge too far. Jeff is a crappy character, and not worth my time or word count.

Well, time to go pass along my demons to the next generation!

*some time passes*

Whelp, the deed is done. And Ruby seemed to really enjoy the movie. Calling it 'intense'. There's talk of more movie nights. Success!

The IT Spot: Breaking 2, financial boogaloo

At the time of this writing, IT is set to pass The Exorcist as the highest-grosing horror movie of all time.

We are all so screwed.

I know what you're thinking. 'But you love IT! You complain that horror gets no respect! Why are you upset about this? This seems like a dream come true!'

I'm not upset about the critical acclaim or the success by itself. I'm worried about what those things indicate.

Horror movies only tend to do really well in America when we're at times of huge unrest as a culture, at least critically. In the 1990's how horror hit a slump, with a lot of sequels and re-treads. I can't find the article now, but I've read that that was because the nation was prosperous and happy: thus creators were uninspired, and the movie-going public wasn't as interested.

Then 2001 hit, and everything went to hell. And horror made a big comeback. One that is still ongoing.

While I'm happy the genera has been reinvigorated, I'm dismayed that it's tied to how scared we feel as a culture. I'd rather we be safe an happy with a few occasional hits.

So to lighten the mood, IT memes. Enjoy!

Fall is in the air

Anyone who's met me knows I'm perpetually cold.

I live in Michigan. We have pretty chilly winters, so I come by it honestly.

Now we're getting the last of the good weather before it turns to mud and slush for the next 6 months or so. Brr.

But as much as I hate the cold of winter, I love the cool, crisp days of fall. I love cider, and donuts, and pretty leaves, and pumpkin spice flavored things (but not actual pumpkin stuff. Just the spice.) And of course, Halloween.

Blogtober is coming...

Can't we just skip winter and go back around to spring? I don't ski anymore, it never gets snowy enough to sled (thanks global warming!), and everything is just miserable.

I could do without the familial guilt of Thanksgiving and the stress and over commercialization of Christmas. Celebrate in the summer, that's just as likely to be when Christ was actually born.

Gah, soon it'll be mud season part 2: The Grossening.

Maybe I can just hibernate after October 31st...

Damn, I'm in a play.

Fine, winter months. You have ONE good thing going for you: the annual big musical at PTIV. Guess I'm stuck with you again.

Hair 'em Scare 'em

I have curly hair.

In other news, the sun is hot and water is wet.

I've been watching the American Crime Story OJ Simpson miniseries, and a strong B plot is the appearance, especially the hairstyle of Marcia Clark.

Seen here in reality, and as portrayed by Sarah Paulson.

Ms. Clark, like myself, is of Jewish heritage. Our hair is very similar, and if mine was cropped, I believe it would look nearly identical, both in style and color.

I've only had one person who employed me tell me my curls were unacceptable. That my hair was too 'bumpy' and had to be worn up while in the office: a policy that did not apply to the other women in the office with long, straight hair.  I have long since left that job, like many many others before me (and for a number of reasons), but the outrage remains.

I am not alone in my experience, or my understanding that there is a stigma against curly hair in the workplace.  I've gotten a number of inappropriate comments and reactions. Kids in middle school threw tape into my hair, so see me struggle and cry while removing it. People would tug my hair, both to hurt me and see the curls 'spring' back (they do). I still get requests to touch my hair to see how it feels.

It feels like hair.

Midge Wilson, Ph D., professor of psychology and women's and gender studies at DePaul University says "The '60s were tolerant of curly hair among whites as well as the Afro for African-Americans and Jews...it seemed loose, free-spirited, even wild...In pop culture, deranged women often have big, uncombed curls. Well-groomed hair is seen as no-nonsense and serious."

I have never been interesting in straightening my hair for daily life; it is both time consuming and difficult. To be done professionally is costly and painful.

For most special events, such as weddings and the prom, stylists choose to straighten and then style my hair.  The notable exception was at my recent friend's wedding, were I was surrounded by other curly haired women.

I am lucky that in my current position, my hair is only expected to be neat and clean. That doesn't mean straight, curly, or even a natural color. I can wear it loose, in a ponytail, clipped, bunned, or in any other way that doesn't look like a total rat's nest.

I reiterate: I AM LUCKY. I have been unlucky in the past, as are many women presently.

I often joke about being the oddball in my family, being vaguely ethnic looking and surrounded by blonds with blue eyes (both natural and faux). My hair is an afterthought usually, something to be brushed in the morning, pulled when I'm stressed, and detangled when I have the time. But when I give real thought to my identity and my hair, they both hurt.

I watch Sarah Paulson play Marcia Clark, knowing a tenth of a tenth of a tenth of what both women have experienced in their lives. I am no public figure, no celebrity or famed lawyer. I am just a regular woman who stops in the 'ethnic' section for her hairbrushes.

And you'd think twenty years after Ms. Clark went on trial in the court of the public for her curls, that I would feel like something had changed for the rest of us.

Stranger Times

So, normally I'd be posting about Rick and Morty. But this weekend we had rioting and death in the streets.

Literally Nazis marched in the streets of Charlottsville. One of these terrorists killed anti-protester Heather Hayer.

.

There is up-close, witness footage freely available online. I will not be linking it or looking for it, as it is horrific. The screaming and crashing is like nothing I've ever heard.

There is no upside here, but there is news; at least some of the people have been identified and fired as a result.

I won't get into the political side of things here, as that's not why I blog, but I will say fuck Nazis. And anyone unwilling to actually blame Nazis and White supremacists for this evil, who says all sides were to blame, is a middling coward.

I wish I knew this was over.