Friday, May 9, 2014

Five funny parodies in song

Happy Friday!

5. Just Don't go
     I'm sick of Frozen, but this still song makes me laugh. And that guy can siiiiiiing!

4. Dumb Ways to Die (in videogames)
     If you missed the original Dumb Ways to Die, you need to see it. But this parody is great for the video game nerd in all of us.


3. Glove and Boot's history of Television.
     Glove and Boots take you from TVs earliest shows to the latest in entertainment: all with new lyrics!



2. After Ever After
     What happens when the credits roll on your favorite Disney princesses? Let Jon Cozart tell you.


1. College Musical!
     Get hit with some hard truths about college life. In song!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Five basic pieces of anime/manga knowlage for non-fans

     As someone who only reads and watches super-popular animes and mangas (or their parody counterparts), I understand how confusing the world is. So, here's a super basic rundown of the most prominent anime/manga related things you'll see on the interwebs, and why they're funny/sad/horrifying. SPOILERS. Lots of them.

5. Yugioh Abridged

     Yugioh is a show about a kid playing card games to save the universe. Normal anime stuff. And while I'm a fan of the manga, the american cartoon show leaves a lot to be desired.

Enter LittleKuriboh and the abridged series.


If you see any ridiculous screencaps from the series (like the above example), chances are they came from this guy. Several catchphrases have spawned as well, such as "BROOKLYN RAGE", "Screw the rules I have money!" and "Super special awesome!"


If confronted with overwhelming in-jokes, just smile and nod. We'll let it go eventually.



Alright, onto legit shows.

4. Who are all these screaming people? Dragon Ball Z

Dragon Ball Z is the story of Son Goku and his sons fighting evil aliens with kung-fu and magic. Also, Goku is an amnesiac alien. That's it. Very simple at the core. How do you deal with this if you catch a rerun? Frankly, if you see someone with weird colored hair or skin, they're a bad guy.

(Except Piccolo Jr, Chaotzu, Nail, and Bulma, but you don't care, do you?)

BOOM! You're a Dragon Ball Z expert! Enjoy the screaming and energy balls. There are a lot of 'em.



3. Who are all these screaming people? Sailor Moon.

For anyone confused by my previous Sailor Moon post, here's a handy guide to the cast: If they're in a 'scout' uniform, they're they good guys.


There are some exceptions, but they're not til later seasons/volumes, so no worries. If they're dressed like those girls, they're good guys. Root for 'em. Planets and colors don't matter. Just name a planet, and the fan you're talking to will be happy. Example: "I like Sailor...Mars!" "Yeah, Rei-Chan is so kickass!" "Yep."

2. Why is that guy in a suit of armor? Fullmetal Alchemist


These are the Elric brothers. They're genius alchemists (science-y magic, can turn things into other things). And he's not IN the armor: he IS the armor.


The reasons are unimportant for the non-fan, but they did wrong, and now they're looking for a way to get Al's body back. Simple. But not as bad as...

1. Who is Nina TuckerFullmetal Alchemist



This is Nina Tucker and her dog Alexander. She is cute, sweet, and wonderful.


Then her father uses alchemy to fuse them into an abomination hell-beast.



AND IT TALKS.

It's the most depressing moment of the series. Naturally, the internet has taken this and run with it.

(Yes, more Dragon Ball Z. They are about to fuse. That's the joke)

So, when you see this pop up, it's NOT FUNNY. Well okay, it is funny, but also super sad. T_T "Big brother Edward...can we play now?" Bwaaaaaaaaaa...Makes me upset EVERY FREAKING TIME.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Four fan theories I made up.

     Fan theories are the viewers/readers way of filling in little plot gaps left by the creators. Or just ways to make shows seem a bit more appropriate to a certain demographic. So, here's some of mine. All my own invention (with a little help from my friends :) )

4. Season Nine of The X-Files was all a nightmare.
   


     The last moment of the last episode of season eight was Mulder and Scully reunited, holding their precious baby, and everything was wonderful.

     Then season nine happened. I won't spoil it for you, because Chris Carter already did that. It's bad. But is it real? I don't think so. Consider the following:


     It all points to a dream. Mulder is feeling residual guilt from his abduction in season eight and not being there for Scully. He imagines all the terrible things that could have happened while he was gone: losing William, friends dying, all while mixed with increasingly nonsensical X-Files and plot elements. This culminates in him getting 'The Truth' and his arch nemesis dying in an over the top manner. He'll wake up to know his ultimate pursuit of the truth isn't worth it: life with Scully and their son is.

3.  Pennywise is about to make a big comeback.
   
   


     You may remember Tim Curry played a clown that killed children back in the nineties. What you may not know is that in the book It's destruction wasn't ever totally assured. It laid eggs and the characters specifically think they may not have squashed them all. But what other evidence do I have?

  • More books have It like creatures that may be It's children: Dandelo in The Dark Tower series, Ardelia Lorz in The Library Policeman,  even the bear in The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon could be a relative.
  • "Pennywise Lives" is spray painted graffiti in a book set LONG after It's demise. Nobody old enough to have met Pennywise in the 80s is still pulling that penny-ante vandalism.
  • The last time It struck was in 1985: the year the losers club supposedly killed it. It comes back every 28 years, give or take a year or two. Next year will be the 30th anniversary of It's death and the publication of the book: pretty close to the 28 year mark, especially given the terrible injuries It suffered. 
     Either It is still alive, or one of It's children is going to make its debut in one of Sai King's 2015 books. Either way, I'm glad I don't live in Derry.


2. Scott Lang will be the third Science Bro.


   
     Brief history of Ant Man: Hank Pym invented the tech, but was a giant douche. Scott Lang was the next Ant-man. He was dead for a while, but now he's back. The Marvel cinematic universe will have both, with Pym being like Howard Stark in Captain America, or so we've been led to believe.

     Where does this leave us for Avengers 2/Ant Man/ Avengers 3?

     We saw how Tony and Bruce became besties in The Avengers and Iron Man 3. Tony thinks The Hulk is neat, and loves having someone of his level to converse with.

So Why the hell SHOULDN'T he love Scott Lang?

"Shrinking is a lame power!" You say. Imagine the espionage capabilities. Shrinking diodes, microchips, ANYTHING to make tech, say super suits, lighter, faster, stronger, BETTER. Tony is gonna be all over this guy.

     So, Scott may not be as smart as Bruce or Tony. He didn't discover Pym Particles. Then they have the doofy younger brother: Tony and Bruce can mess with him, but if anybody else steps in, GET BACK. It'd be a nice addition to the dynamic.


1. Blues Clues is a mental hospital.



     I actually have a lot for this one. For anyone out of the loop, blues clues is a show that follows Blue, a dog, and her owner (yes, Blue is a chick), Steve, or later Joe. Blue leaves pawprints on three objects and the owner figures out what she's trying to clue them in on. Simple deductive reasoning skills.

But something isn't right. Why do I think Steve/Joe are in a mental hospital?

  • They are the only live action beings(or "real" in their own minds, as many psycho/sociopaths are).
  • The puzzles are too simple for a grown man without impairment.
  • They NEVER LEAVE. 
    Blue is Steve/Joe's doctor. Magenta is a consulting physician. Blue plays simple deduction games with her charges to encourage rational thinking and bring them out of their delusions. Her methods work. Steve "Graduates" to college (AKA life outside. Maybe actually going back to school). Joe may be his real brother: mental illness runs in their family. Any talking object stands for a real person, mailbox=mailman, etc. Skidooing into a painting is a daytrip. The kids/the audience are figments of his madness.

You're the figment of an insane man's delusion. And Mom said you'd never achieve anything!


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Five online writing tools

These are excellent things I either use, or intend to start using immediately. Some are good for fiction and non-fiction, some only one or the other. Take a look, see what you like!

5. Rainy Mood
     Okay, this isn't a writing website, per say. It's a site that plays the sound of falling rain. And for those of us who can't work when it's too quiet, or with rock music blasting, it's perfect. There are a lot of sites and you tube clips like this, but Rainy mood is my personal favorite.
Another fine choice.

4. Fix Your Writing Habits (blog)

     This is geared towards the fiction writer, but there are resources for everyone. Several times a day these helpful folks publish lists of resources and a host of other things. Like this translation guide:
      There's also a list of insomnia resources, citation and style guides, and answers to submitted questions like how to make your zombie romance not cliche. Give 'em a look! You'll be surprised what you find.

3. Write a Haiku
     Perfect for those pesky high-school writing assignment, or just a fun way to be creative on the fly. I'll kill time on here with the writing equivalent of doodles. Here's a masterpiece now:

almost time for work. / i wish i had the day off. / hooray, pizza lunch
And it's true to boot!


2. Query Shark

     Need to prefect your query letter? Then the literal hundreds of blog entries here are for you. This is the most comprehensive guide to do and don't EVER: real life examples ripped apart by the shark until they're brilliant. Several of the writers are now published thanks to the shark.

     Not trying to query something? Have a look and see how incredibly insane some of these are. It's a real eye opener.
Lets all be chums!


1. Edit Minion
No, sadly not.

     This website is my go-to before I post things now. You pick what you want it to scan for, it highlights the offenders, and give you a color coded grade from green to red. Simple! And check the perfect checklist: Adverbinator, Weak Words, 'Said' replacements, Passive Voice, Ending with Preposition, Tricky Homonyms, Clichés, Common Misspellings, Frequently Used Words.

     I don't give a fig about sentences with preposition endings. So I just uncheck that box! Simple. Perfect for any type of writing. Enjoy. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Five Creepy Villains

     Five villains that creeped the heck outta me. Not necessarily from horror movies!

5. Francis Dolarhyde, Red Dragon
   
     I'm a big fan of the three Hannibal Lector books (aside from the ending of Hannibal, but we'll discuss that later). The villain of The Silence of the Lamps prequel, Red Dragon, is played by the brilliant Ralph Fiennes. Him saying the following quote is one of my favorite cinematic moments of all time.

"I am the Dragon. And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. To me, you are a slug in the sun. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But, fear is not what you owe me. You owe me awe."

Brr

4. John Doe, Se7en
   
   
     If you haven't seen Se7en, you need to see Se7en. In order not to spoil it, I'll just say Mr. Doe is like a sophisticated Billy. And no less disturbing.


3. Ursula, The Little Mermaid.
     Her scheme to use a young girl to kill the king of the sea is bad enough. This gets creepy when you realize that in the original scrip and the Broadway show, she is Ariel's aunt.  Even Petunia Dudley treated her nephew better than this.
Bad touch!

We need an adult!!

2. Pinhead, Hellraiser


     The short version? Once a man, Pinhead was condemned to a realm of 'pleasure and pain' after opening the Lament Configuration to seek the ultimate experience.

     Aside from killing people who open the box, or taking them to hell, Pinhead creeps me out because he's got a bit of a split personality. The 'good' (at least 10% less evil) half is trapped with the bad half. The idea of witnessing evil you preform and ca't stop...ugh. Creepy.

1. The Other Mother/The Beldam, Coraline

     She may seem like the perfect Mother, but deny her what she wants and ^^^ this turns into
THIS. 

     A spider-like creature that feeds on the lives of children after luring them into her web, leaving them as restless spirits. Also, she'll sew buttons on your eyes, because F*** YOU, THAT'S WHY. I'm 100% sure this chick is related to Pennywise. A spider-like shape shifter that feeds on kids? C'mon.