There are several projects I should be working on right
now; polishing the manuscript of my first novel, looking for agents to contact,
writing up my proposal package, or working on chapter two of the sequel.
Fear is one of the things that keeps me from it; fear of
rejection, of being told that the one thing I want to do with my life isn’t
good, fear of my friend and family hating it. I’ve shown the unedited
manuscript to three friends. One couldn’t finish it, due to heavy flashback. I
eliminated them. One gave me constructive criticism to my face, but bad-mouthed
the work to close friends and my boyfriend behind my back. The third gave me great
criticism, but liked it over all.
So where does that leave me?
It’s not the most original idea, with the supernatural
invading a mortal’s life. Man vs undead man. It’s got more variety than the
most popular books in the genre, with vampires, ghosts, faeries, and a few
creatures of my own design. But at its heart, it’s about relationships.
Relationships between lovers, friends, enemies, the mortal world and what lies
beyond; all colored with my friends and experiences.
‘So what?’ you say ‘All the best writers used their own
experiences. Isn’t ‘write what you know’ the cornerstone of all writing?’
Then how do you explain H.P. Lovecraft? J.R.R. Tolkien?
Ray Bradbury? All the greats who invented not just characters but whole worlds
for the reader to lose themselves in?
All I want to create is a good scare. I’m not trying to
be the next poet laureate. But I can spin a good yarn that people would like to
read. I can make a person sound real; react to insanity as a normal person would.
This is my greatest talent, and one I admire most in other writes: making
characters ‘stay sane inside insanity’ as Richard O’Brien once penned. If I can make
one person think ‘That makes sense. That’s what I’d do if I was being chased by a murderous Faerie.’ I’ve
succeeded.
I will force myself to finish this project. If it never
sees publication, that won’t be for lack of trying.
I just have to overcome my fear. Wish me luck.
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