Wednesday, December 31, 2014

What I did in 2014

Toting up a list of accomplishments, because why not.

  • Got Married.
  • Learned to make new desserts.
  • Watched all of Fraiser. Again.
  • Started watching American Horror Story, Parks and Rec, Soul Eater, Sailor Moon Crystal, and too many more to list.
  • Watched Avatar the Last Airbender.
  • Didn't watch The Last Airbender.
  • Wrote a blog for every weekday.
  • Got new job.
  • Quit job because of abusive boss.
  • Got another new job.
  • Continued editing manuscript.
  • Cataloged DVD collection.
  • Saw The Wizard of Oz at a movie theater.
  • Recognized issues ensuing from most people not willing to go with me to something that important to me.
  • Performed in some amazing theater.
  • Saw some amazing theater.
  • Hugged my nieces and nephew.
  • Didn't get pregnant on the wedding night.
  • Got my Mother-In-Law's credit card flagged for purchases she made in conjunction with said night.
  • Got more into feminism.
  • Laughed at feminazis.
All in all...a good year.

Monday, December 29, 2014

AHHHHHHHHHH

So, yesterday I wrestled a large dog onto the X-Ray table. Today I woke with pain so bad I could barely get out of bed.
Accurate!

Thanks to a light workday, Motrin, and a heating pad, I'm still at work and 90% pain free. We even had a delicious chicken lunch dropped off as a holiday thank-you from one of the pet rescues we work with.

Love only makes it taste better

In other news, our car is in the shop because of brake pad issues, and it'll either be $350 or $620 to fix. At least I've already bought the Christmas presents (and by the time this goes up Christmas will be over). Yaaaaaay. 

Just another day in the life of a normal American. There's good, bad, unexpected surprises, gains, and losses. This started as a post about pain but the other things that happened before I could finish writing changed it. A moment is all that is needed for a bad day to become good, or a good day to even out. That's pretty cool.

But here's a pain that's always with me:


Friday, December 26, 2014

...Urgh.


Happy post-holiday recovery.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas!

Harley enjoying her Christmas Present (2013)



Wednesday, December 24, 2014

A visit from the modern St. Nick


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the place
Every creature was stirring, from toe-tips to face
The stockings were hung, lopsided and dull
(And I'd snuck in one printed with bones and a skull)

The cat was nestled all snug in a box
That held my clean jeans, shirts and socks.
Hubby in PJ pants, I in my robe
Settled in to watch Freakazoid episode 'The Lobe'


When up on my Chromebook there arose such a clatter
I clicked on the link to see what was the matter
Away a new window opened with Flash
Blasted my speakers and it nearly crashed.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But a harried newscaster (who needed a beer).
With a red-suited guest star so typecast and slick
I knew it a minute it was supposed to be St. Nick

More rapid than eagles his comebacks came
To each jibe and sarcasm the newscaster could name.
"It's Christmas! I'm magic! What more do you need?
Now tell me all of your hopes (and your greed)."

As comments that before the wild video fly
A story from nothing they made (or would try).
So onward the newscaster and the man flew
With talk of greed and corruption and holiday blues.

And then, with eyes twinkling, the Dems and the 'Pubs
Whined of past year failures and snubs.
As I clicked off the site, I turned around
And then my husband said, with a frown:

"It's Christmas! Why whine about laws and such now?
They'll be on vacation soon anyhow."
I nodded and touched his cheek with a kiss.
"Forget these idiots, I'm happy with this.

"I'm happy with you and I'm happy with life.
I'm happy to be in a home, and your wife.
The world sucks a lot, we know that that's true
But it's Christmas, I'm happy because I have you.

Greed and corruption will always be here
It's Jesus's birthday, so the date is still dear.
We'll sing and we'll eat and we'll be very merry
and maybe that'll make the world less scary."

And he smiled at me and gave me a kiss.
"All I need for Christmas is this."
I prayed for love, many years ago
and thanks to our Lord I have that, I know.

I have friends and family and love that abounds.
And even the talent to sing pleasing sounds.
So back to the TV we turned, life unmarred.
To finish our Christmas movies: Gremlins and Die Hard.

So from my home to yours, let me say unto you
I hope all your holiday wishes come true.
Even with this year vanishing from sight,
I hope your Christmas Eve is merry: have a good night!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hanukkah

On the night I'm writing this, it's the first night of Hanukkah. For anyone who doesn't know, my father was Jewish. I'm a Baptist, but I have strong ties to my father's side of the family and my Jewish heritage. Tonight, for the first time in my life, I lit the Hanukkah candles and said the prayers.

In years past my (gentile) mother has lit the menorah, but it's not the same. I know she's trying to keep my father's memory alive, but it feels a little insulting when she lights the candles without saying the prayers, or trying to understand at all. So tonight, while she was out and my husband was at work, I lit the candles and said the prayers myself.

I know 'You're not really Jewish either, it's no better when you do it.' It feels better. This is my heritage, my history. My people who fought so we could worship in our temple and purify it. And God's grace that let the purification last eight days/

So here I sit, candles burning in the dark, Christmas tree glowing in the background. A visual remind of the duality I fight to keep alive. 

I miss my father, but he was never very religious. The fact that we have a menorah at all is kind of amazing. If we celebrated any holiday it was always at a relative's house, never at home. I've never hosted a Passover Sedar or even said the evening prayers outside of Fiddler on the Roof. But this makes me feel closer to him than I have in a long time. And I have eight more nights to enjoy that closeness and light.

I leave you with one of the few songs that encapsulates the beauty of the holiday. Happy Hanukkah.



Monday, December 22, 2014

Five Terrible Christmast Specials

5. Pinocchio's Christmas


This special is by the good people who brought you the classic animated specials, Rankin-Bass. So if you're assuming it's not a cash-in on Disney's Pinocchio, but with terrible songs and a totally nonsensical plot, you'd be wrong. The clip above should prove that beyond a reasonable doubt but for the truly hearty, the whole movie is available below. You've been warned.


4. Christmas Story 2

Another terrible cash-in on a classic. It has none of the original cast, humor, warmth, or Christmas spirit. It does have Daniel Stern though.

3. Grandma got run over by a Reindeer

What if annoying Christmas-novelty songs got their own special? Wonder no more, this exists! Not only does Grandma get run over, but a big business, lawsuits, and amnesia play a crucial element. Just like the great stories of Christmas past.

2. The Star Wars Holiday Special

The special so bad that George Lucas, creator of Jar Jar Binks, has disavowed all knowledge of it, and has attempted to buy every existing copy so it can never be seen again. Thankfully (?), the internet exists so it's not gonna vanish.

1. The Christmas Tree

Just...watch. Or watch the Nostalgia Critic destroy it, because DAMN this is the worst in every way. The animation, the acting, the plot, the terrible tacked on 'message'. Jesus, we're sorry for having this have anything to do with your birthday. Forgive us.


Friday, December 19, 2014

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Words

A cat died on my watch today.



I work at a vet clinic, and a cat died after a routine neuter/declaw. I did all the things I was supposed to, but after surgery it slipped away. Dr. did all the calls, and I'm not in trouble (my coworkers assure me these things happen). So that's the end of it.

I saw the owner cuddling this cat right before we took it into the back. I feel a lot worse for him than I do for the cat.


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Happy Cthulhu-mas

Happy Cthulhu-mas! Here's a list of handy tips and tricks to placate the elder gods this happy holiday season.

1. Serve your guests sushi: it's both an homage to the dark one, and a healthy treat!
Or he'll be horribly offended. Whatever.


2. Don't forget to include the children!


3. Dress for success at work!


4. Always ask yourself...


5. Don't forget the festive attire!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Things I want to do on my Florida Vacation

As many of you know, my father in law lives in Florida. His extremely generous Christmas present for Bahamute and myself is a pair of round trip tickets to Florida. So, the last week of January, we're heading down!


At my husband's request, I'm putting together a list of things I'd like to see/do while there. Frankly, just seeing the FiL and getting out of the cold will be great. But it doesn't hurt to have plans!

Food

Attractions

  • ...Wow, every park costs $100 a day, even for residents. Hm. Nevermind.

Whelp, I'm out of ideas.




Monday, December 15, 2014

Five Quick Scary Stories


I had went into the supposedly “haunted” house as a dare. I didn’t believe in these things, and it was a sweet fifty dollars. All I had to do was to make it to the top and flash my torch.

So in I went.

The instant I entered, I wanted out. It was as though the house was sensitive to touch, its floorboards protesting my presence. But I swallowed my fear and continued.

I wish I hadn’t.

I made it to the third floor. A great crash echoed from behind, and I turned to see a shaggy beast with long black fur dash out from the dark. Its red eyes were terrifyingly vivid admist the night, like laser points. I remember screaming.

I ran, faster than I did in my entire life. I remember running into a junction and hesitating for a second on which way to turn. I remember it catching up. I remember running left.

I remember it howling “DON’T RUN THAT WAY!” as it fled towards the right, and another set of footsteps starting picking up pace from behind.

Wrong way out by dev9x

---------------------------------------------------------------

Recently, my five-year-old daughter hasn’t been sleeping well. Tonight, while I was putting her to bed, I asked her about it.

"Jenny, you’ve been sleepy lately. Have I been leaving your nightlight on too bright? Do I need to turn it down?"

"No, Mommy." she answered. "It’s just that sometimes the man in the corner keeps me awake sometimes because he watches me."

I was shocked.

"What does the man in the corner look like?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

"He doesn’t have any skin." she responded, unperturbed.

Needless to say, she will be sleeping in my bed tonight.

Source
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My dog bit a kid in the face so we had to kill it…

Because if we didn’t, we were pretty sure he was going to tell his parents.

Source
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She’s a monster before she has her morning coffee, so every day he prepares it for her: strong espresso, with two spoonfuls of powdered blood.

Source
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I get home and the TV is on one of those stupid found footage shows with a creepy little girl swaying back and forth in the dark so I hit the power. The TV turns on.

Source

Friday, December 12, 2014

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Five things I wanna eat RIGHT NOW

It's 1pm, and I am staaaaarving. Metaphorically. I'm still a fat, well fed American.

5. Chili Fries
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww man

4. Chocolate Chip Cookies
WANT

3. Pita Bread
Om nom nom

2. A Cheese and Tomato Panini
OHHHHHHHHH

1. Lobster
Drool

Whelp...I'm gonna go eat some Boo Berry. Yaaaaay.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Late to the party

Spoilers for season 2 of The Walking Dead.

Dale died.


I've read very far into the comics (Omnibus 1 and 2), and Dale was alive for most of it. Hell, Sophia was still alive where I left off, and she died earlier than he did. And as sad as I am to see Dale go, I understand why the writers did it: shake things up, can't follow the story line too closely or it gets dull, etc.

For those of you wondering why I'm complaining about this a whole two years after the fact, it's very simple: like many of the things I enjoy (Game of Thrones, Dragon Ball Z, Avatar the Last Airbender), I got into the series years after everyone else did. Many of my interests are already concluded!

Spoiler avoidance is usually the hardest part of getting into something post-popularity boom. Who hasn't heard the true identity of Kaiser Soyse, or what the Island really turned out to be? I know a lot of people don't care about spoilers, but I take them seriously. I've made an informal pact not to watch The Usual Suspects due to aforementioned Kaiser spoiler coming up repeatedly.


If I don't care about a show and intend never to watch it (Dr. Who, Firefly, ANY soap opera), please, spoil away. As for me? I'll always ask before I start talking about new media to avoid spoiling someone who isn't in the know. Old media too, usually. Unless it's a HUGE cultural touchstone that was spoiled long before my birth.

NOT MY FAULT.

Now, back to binge watching.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Five great satirical pieces of art by Pawel Kuczynski

Pawel Kuczynski is a Polish artist. I'll let his work do the rest of the talking.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.


Monday, December 8, 2014

Tails from the Vet: Snips and Tips

Here are 10 tips to endear yourself to your vet. I will not include tips like 'Be on time' because c'mon.

1. Bring your pet's records.

Your dog or cat needs yearly shots. If you switch vets or even if you keep the same vet, you'll need copies of your records on hand. What shots are they due for? What procedures have they had in the past? These are important factors that are much easier to discern if your bring your records. Best case scenario, you won't need them.

2. If your pet has an accident...

DO pick up poo, if you can. DON'T use a billion paper towels if you're squeamish or it pees. Just let us handle it. It happens.

3. Put your dog on a leash.

Oh, he's friendly? Other dogs may not be. Oh, he won't run out the door? He might, if he's spooked. It's common courtesy.

4. Call, please.

 Yes, we take walk in. But most days our doctor is in surgery for 2+ hours. If you come in during that time, you'l have to wait. Just call first to make sure he's free.

5. If you can't afford an e collar (cone) and pain management, you can't afford surgery. 

Together its $35 more (at our clinic) and they're VITAL to your animal's health. Save up until you can get these things.

6. Skittish animal? TELL US.

If you know your dog snarls or growls (or bites), we will still treat. If we know, we can muzzle or take it into the back to hold it down, and keep us, you and the animal safe.

7. Animal on meds? TELL US.

Just like with people, medications can interact negatively and cancel out. Even if we prescribed it, remind us. We won't be mad or think you're nagging or obsessed.

8. Don't expect us to diagnose over the phone.

Please, tell us your animal's symptoms. We'll tell you to come in, 99% of the time. But usually we CANNOT for sure tell you what's wrong. We need to see your pet to find out.

9. Don't steal our pens/flea combs/thermometers/nail clippers.

We need those things.

10. Tell a friend!

Like us? Tell your friends! Word of mouth is our primary advertising.