You want bad mamma-jammas? These babies are atrocious.
5. Communion: A True Story by Whitley Striber
You may remember the 1989 film adaptation, starring Christopher Walken. Striber probably wishes he didn't. He told Walken that he might be portraying him as a little too crazy. Reportedly Walken replied, "If the shoe fits."
The book doesn't make much more sense. The SENSATIONAL TRUE STORY of Whitley Striber and his alien abductions. If you're curious, the movie at least has Walken, and is good for a laugh. The book is boring, weird, and near incomprehensible. Just skip it.
4. The Polar Express: Trip to the North by Ellen Weiss
I refuse to explain why the novelization of a movie already based on a book made this list.
3. Congo by Michael Crichton.
This, like Communion, was turned into a movie. Like Communion, both the movie and the source material were bad. I'm a fan of Michael Crichton, but the plot was pointless, the characters wooden, and it lacked the usual flair found in Jurassic Park, or even Sphere (also fine movie adaptations).
Even if you're a fan, skip it.
2.Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame-Smith
Want to read someone's tedious self-insert fanfic, except the self is zombies? Then this is the book for you. Readable only to the most die-hard Austin/zombie aficionados, which is a bigger market than I anticipated: the book sold quite well.
1. MEG by Steve Alten
This was the first book I ever read where realized I could/was doing better. I don't mean that in a prose way: I mean basic grammar and description skills. There are exclamation points all over the place. "Then the shark jumped out of the water! Then the T-rex got eaten!" Things like that.
As for prose, I don't care for it. It gets beyond silly. There's a part when a man in a sinking sub see the Megalodon swimming at him, jaws open, and frantically breathes in the water to try and drown himself before the shark eats him. The level of stupid there is beyond comprehension. The fact that he thinks this is possible, let alone making that poor character try and kill himself by drowning in under ten seconds...urg.
This may be a movie, someday. It can't be much worse...Right?
5. Communion: A True Story by Whitley Striber
You may remember the 1989 film adaptation, starring Christopher Walken. Striber probably wishes he didn't. He told Walken that he might be portraying him as a little too crazy. Reportedly Walken replied, "If the shoe fits."
The book doesn't make much more sense. The SENSATIONAL TRUE STORY of Whitley Striber and his alien abductions. If you're curious, the movie at least has Walken, and is good for a laugh. The book is boring, weird, and near incomprehensible. Just skip it.
4. The Polar Express: Trip to the North by Ellen Weiss
I refuse to explain why the novelization of a movie already based on a book made this list.
3. Congo by Michael Crichton.
This, like Communion, was turned into a movie. Like Communion, both the movie and the source material were bad. I'm a fan of Michael Crichton, but the plot was pointless, the characters wooden, and it lacked the usual flair found in Jurassic Park, or even Sphere (also fine movie adaptations).
Even if you're a fan, skip it.
2.Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame-Smith
"Meanwhile, Kustophenia sits on the shelf!"
1. MEG by Steve Alten
This was the first book I ever read where realized I could/was doing better. I don't mean that in a prose way: I mean basic grammar and description skills. There are exclamation points all over the place. "Then the shark jumped out of the water! Then the T-rex got eaten!" Things like that.
As for prose, I don't care for it. It gets beyond silly. There's a part when a man in a sinking sub see the Megalodon swimming at him, jaws open, and frantically breathes in the water to try and drown himself before the shark eats him. The level of stupid there is beyond comprehension. The fact that he thinks this is possible, let alone making that poor character try and kill himself by drowning in under ten seconds...urg.
This may be a movie, someday. It can't be much worse...Right?
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