Yesterday was Sunday night. I've been on my new meds for a week. And as has become customary, I had a Sunday night anxiety attack.
It's like a constrictor is wrapped around me, from calves to the top of my head. Not so tight that I can't breathe, but there. And every loud noise, every startling sight, everything that sets of my flight-or-fight response makes it get a little tighter. If I played it cool, it would go much slower, but still there. Squeezing.
I took my pill and the constrictor loosened. My stomach hurt, but that was also due to drinking a cup of coffee that morning: a mistake I will not make any time soon. I was able to enjoy my Sunday night with my family.
On the ride home I felt sick. I don't know if it was the lateness of the hour, the constrictor, or the coffee. I do know that when I came home Bahamute snuggled me until I felt better. I slept well. No stress dreams, no waking at 7 and thinking about work. It was nice.
In twenty minutes I'll take my before work half-dose (I only ever take a half dose) and get through this day. I can't feel the constrictor yet. But I know it's there.
It's like a constrictor is wrapped around me, from calves to the top of my head. Not so tight that I can't breathe, but there. And every loud noise, every startling sight, everything that sets of my flight-or-fight response makes it get a little tighter. If I played it cool, it would go much slower, but still there. Squeezing.
I took my pill and the constrictor loosened. My stomach hurt, but that was also due to drinking a cup of coffee that morning: a mistake I will not make any time soon. I was able to enjoy my Sunday night with my family.
On the ride home I felt sick. I don't know if it was the lateness of the hour, the constrictor, or the coffee. I do know that when I came home Bahamute snuggled me until I felt better. I slept well. No stress dreams, no waking at 7 and thinking about work. It was nice.
In twenty minutes I'll take my before work half-dose (I only ever take a half dose) and get through this day. I can't feel the constrictor yet. But I know it's there.
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