Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Hotel Hell, the Applegate River Lodge

I'm watching Gordon Ramsay's Hotel Hell for the first time. I'm a big fan of Kitchen Nightmares (British and American versions), and this is more of the same. Right now Ramsay is dealing with a hotel run by a hippie, his fighting sons, and his beleaguered ex-wife. It's in Oregon, so they're openly smoking pot. Giant mason jars FULL of pot.

So this is a damn entertaining episode.

I'm just waiting for the moment when Ramsay snaps and yells at the father (nickname "Pa Butt") to "be a man for fuck's sake!" I know it's coming, as is the inevitable 'black-light in the bedroom revealing the filth' scene. So far it's been just dillying around, watching the family fight. Interesting, but not the seared earth screaming I expect from Ramsay.

Ah, the guests are arriving. AND this hotel has a big restaurant! The sons run the restaurant, and one of them is "scared" of dealing with Ramsay in there. As he should be.

No TV in the rooms, but there is a big-ass bear rug. Fantastic.



And now there's a jam session with Pa Butt and a HUGE hippie coven right next to check in. One of the sons is in the band, of course. A MAN IS WEARING A DOG. There are giant mushroom costumes hopping around around the room.

To quote Ramsay "These people are weird...Is this a dream? Is this really happening?"

Ahh, the black light. Stains all over everything. "It's like a mosaic of semen." Poor Ramsay. He's sleeping over an ongoing jam session, inside a giant sleeping bag so as to not touch anything.

I feel bad for the poor cameraman standing in the dark, watching Gordon sleep in pitch-black dark. Oooh, he's going to yell at Pa Butt!


So far, no yelling. He called the whole family together. It's 'I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed' sort of speech at first. C'mon Ramsay, don't leave me hanging.

Oh, Pa Butt's trying to argue with Ramsay. The pain is coming. This place is a million in debt, and Pa Butt refuses to acknowledge there's an issue with money. This guy is a jackass.

Lots of shots of the family dog. He's a cutie.

Ramsay's shaming the sons while Pa Butt has a smoke. Seems to be working. One son is crying. At least, his eyes are red...


Guests are registering complaints with the mom, who knows there are tons of problems. It's like Fawlty Towers in here, without the comedy. Some of the guests were offered pot and got offended.That's a strong reaction. Just say 'no', end of story.

"Don't be a cheeeee-kin..."

More crying family. This is more Dr. Phil and less Chef Ramsay. I think yelling at Pa Butt is coming because he's an asshole that Ramsay's written off. It's gotta happen.

Few shots of Ramsay swimming in the river. He's got a good body for a man his age.

Ramsay's STILL not yelling at Pa Butt. "I would ask you to disappear." He wants the man to step aside so the rest of the family can function. Pa Butt agrees. I have been left hanging. I can't be too mad, this is healthier than screaming. Pointless drama isn't going to do any good. Besides, I can see Ramsay yell at cooks all day.


The end of the episode is guests coming, happy with the new lodge, yadda-yadda. The interesting stuff has already happened (or not). My takeways? I like it, but it's not what I expected. Namely, not so much yelling, more touchy-feeley. It's tonally similar to the British version of Kitchen Nightmares.

Will I watch again? Yes, but maybe not for a while. Kitchen Nightmares I can binge on. This is more like a full meal. Satisfying in one go.


I give it thee and a half screaming chefs out of five.


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