Scary or Die is one of the many low to no budget horror flicks accessible on Netflix. It's about a man attacked by a flesh-eating clown that then transforms into a clown monster himself, according to the summary. Points for originality? Hardly.
We open on racist rednecks driving through the desert and drinking moonshine out of peanut butter jars. Sex and poop jokes abound less than two minutes in. I'm not going to enjoy this.
The rednecks stop for traditional redneck junk food (beef jerky, Marlboro cigs, etc) and annoy the Mexican clerk (wearing an honest to god Sombrero) and two have sex in the bathroom. These guys better not be the protagonists. They're all awful. And the clerk dies somehow off screen. He might have been murdered by redneck #3, but I can't tell. It's not edited very well.
The point of the drive is finally announced: killing Mexicans as they cross the border. The girl thinks they're there for the 'scare' factor.There are literal graves everywhere. Plus there are two live men in the bed of the truck. They were there the whole time. The older man is about to get killed, no doubt. The younger will swear revenge and...I don't know.
Ooh, turns out the younger guy is a citizen. Whelp, that makes this soooo much more evil. The rednecks were only right about old dude! By the way, he fled and got shot. Young citizen begs for his life, but Redneck #3 slaughters him anyway.
So far this is not scary or about clowns. I'm very disappointed.
Desert shots, in case you weren't sure where we were from all the other establishing shots. IT'S FILMMAKING 101! Unless they're contrasting the peace of the desert with the violence that just happened. And I am not giving this movie that kinda credit.
AAAAANNNNNND Netflixs just stopped working because we got a phone call. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I should stop now.
Nah.
Okay, got things working again. Blood on the sand. The two male rednecks jabber about the corpses and getting them buried and idly wondering where the girl went. Maybe to get the cops since you never told her you were coming to kill people and she freaked when you shot the old guy?
And then #3 pisses on the grave. I won't miss you when girl redneck comes back and shoots you. Hey, she's back with a gun!
Aaaannnd a hand comes out of the grave and grabs #3 and the girl. Also, the piss is smoking. Also #3's eye got gouged out. What the hell movie?! Slow down a bit!
Okay, dead young guy is a zombie. Fair enough, that's how Freddy Krueger was brought back in Nightmare on Elm Street #4. And now the girl, who was unaware of what was happening and tired to help, is getting attacked first. That's fair.
#3 Is screaming about being blind even though one of his eyes is obviously fine.
Okay, they're all getting eaten now. Even the gore looks shitty. WHERE THE HELL IS MY KILLER CLOWN?!
Mexican zombies, far more than there were graves, lurch for the american border. Oooooh, scary. A few hapless guards see the girl, declare 'another goddamn zombie' and shoot her. WaIt, they knew about zombies? Who else knows? The Government? Why aren't they more worried, or more staffed? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?
What...a computer screen? YouTube videos? What am I...
Oh. OH.
THIS IS A GODDAMN ANTHOLOGY MOVIE. WHAT THE HELL. NOBODY SAID THIS WAS AN ANTHOLOGY FILM. ARGH!
I'm out. That first film was really shitty, even by my standards. Screw you, misleading Netflix summary. I might come back to this some other time...
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