Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Why isn't Hocus Pocus a Broadway Show?

Hocus Pocus is a very special movie. It was the first movie I saw Bette Middler in, as well as Kathy Nijimy and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Pictured together here.

It’s also the first movie I played a drinking game to an actually got drunk, the first ‘adult’ costume I ever wanted for Halloween (adult like dressing as an adult, not a sexy witch you pedophiles. I was TEN), and the first I ever bootlegged into a show.

Back in the seventh grade, my friend Mitchel and I performed the infamous ‘what a pretty spider’ and ‘I put a spell on you’ number from the movie for theater class. I was Winifred Sanderson, he was Mary and Sarah. Good times. But since then, I’ve wondered: why isn’t Hocus Pocus a show?

I’m not the first person to ask the question or demand that it be made into a show, preferably on Broadway. But what are the best arguments for moving the project forwards?

First, the assortment of characters are perfect for the stage. Three older women as the witches, two teenagers for Max and Alison, one pre-teen girl for Danny, and a male puppeteer for Binx. You can fill out the chorus with the usual assortment, and there’s room for lots of little kinds in a few trick or treating scenes (or maybe a new musical number!) Those kinds of stats are great for shows: not a lot of men needed, but the few who are get some fun stuff. Ernie and Ice could be played by people into their late twenties if the need arose. Billy Butcherson can be your man bass. An older couple for mom and dad. It’s perfect!

I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining how cool the characters are. You already know how awesome the Sanderson sisters are, let alone the rest.

As for the plot, little needs to be changed from the basic structure. The act break should come just after it’s reveled the witches survived the burnination. Sort of an ‘Into the Woods’ the audience knows trouble is coming but the characters think it’s Ever After time thing. Maybe add a little more backstory to why Max hates his new home/Halloween so much, but that can be accomplished via song.

Speaking of songs, it’s gonna need some. We’ve already got ‘I put a spell on you’ for the sisters and ‘Come little children’ for Sarah. But we need a lament for Bix. A rock song for Max. A hooray for Halloween for Danny and the kids. A Sweeny Todd-esq ghost chorus of their past victims (the kids again, maybe?). A rallying cry against Winnifred for Billy (ala Evil Dead the Musical’s God Damn you Woman). A ‘dance with the devil’ ditty for when the witches meet their master. A song praising the book. A continuation of the spell that turns Binx into a cat. The possibilities are endless!

The only possible sticking point are the effects. A large portion of the movie relies on the fact
that the witches can fly. But even in-movie this issue is solved by their brooms being stolen. The flight could all be implied, if done correctly. Jumping onto the stage with brooms in hand, perhaps. Or, if you’ve got a flying rig, use the sucker!
The final scene with Winifred sucking the lift out of Max could be done atop a gravestone (Billy’s perhaps?). The explosions and stonification (heh) could be turned into melting away, especially if trap doors are present. Maybe invoke the other most famous witch’s demise. Or even better, have the same devil from before come and collect them and take them back to hell personally. Have it turn out the resemblance was more than just superficial!

The point is, not only is this a great concept for a stage show, it’s totally doable. If I, who has never adapted anything for stage in my life, can come up with these ideas on the fly, imagine what a Broadway producer could do.

I know I will be.

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