Friday, December 5, 2014

Five Nontraditional Christmas Classics

As much as I love Rudolph, there's a lot more to the season than claymation and The Santa Clause. Here are my top five classics from off the snowy path. Happy Friday!

5. Road to the North Pole (Family Guy)

Family Guy's general quality is a solid mediocre, but the 'Road to ____' episodes starring Brian and Stewie are usually the best. This special is no exception: it is a dark, nihilistic take on the holiday, criticizing the greed and general corruption that has overtaken Christmas. Also usual for Family Guy, there's nary a mention of religion. This is purely a secular satire. So if you're in the mood for something brooding and gory, this is the special for you.

4. Pinocchio's Christmas

From the people who brought us Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, we get this train wreck of a special. The songs are terrible, the plot makes no sense, and it adds nothing to the Pinocchio mythos. This first aired in 1980, and until I spotted it on Youtube, I thought I imagined its existence.  Just try and get through all 49 minutes. I dare you.

3. Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (The Simpsons)

This special is on this list, as opposed to the first episode of the series 'Simpson's Roasting on an Open Fire', because it's not your classic story of redemption. Bart burns down the tree, ruins the gifts, and covers it up. In any other special when he confesses (and he does, in surprisingly heartfelt moment) the family and town would forgive him. Instead he's violent choked and the family is ostracized by the whole town. Merry Christmas!

2. Die Hard

Do I even need to explain why this movie, often called the perfect action movie (by me) is on this list?

A perfect storm of acting, story, violence, and Christmas joy. HO-HO-HO indeed.

1. Gremlins

A story about a man getting his son a pet for Christmas, and things get out of hand. That could be any one of a dozen classics. But how many of them have murder and a small town getting razed to the ground? Not to mention the WORST Santa story of all time. Fa la la la la, la la la DEATH!

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