Cooties

My friends know that I'm not a fan of romantic comedies, romantic dramas, or anything were romance takes center stage.

So why do I find myself watching clips from Company?

No, that's not right. Company is incidental. I'm watching clips of Raul Esparza.

Once again, I'm late to the pop culture party. The guy I know as DA Barba from Law and Order SVU is a long established Broadway and TV star, with a big-deal role on Hannibal (another program on my ever-growing eventual watch list).

This dude MUST be a bigger deal than I realized. He sang with Lin-Manuel after all! And a song traditionally sung by women! From one of the two iterations of Romeo and Juliet I actually like!

 The other is Warm Bodies, btw.

And...if he isn't a huge mega-star...and I'm not twenty years late on my pop-culture as usual...then I'm just enjoying an actor in a genera I usually despise.

Why am I willing to stretch my interests for actors I like? It's not without limits. I love Chris Evans, but I'm not seeing that sad little girl movie he's got coming out. Same for Sam Rockwell and the Poltergeist reboot. As much as I love crappy horror, that one is too close to my heart (and the top of my favorites list).

Maybe it's the magic of youtube. I can watch bite-sized chunks of familiar media, without investing the 2+ hours in a show I'm medium on. I love Sondheim, but it isn't as fun as Sweeny Todd, or as wild as Into the Woods. I like Company as well as I can like something about relationships.

I'm just past this stage when it comes to romance stuff.

Maybe its because, regardless of my deeply unromantic soul, if the story is good enough I can still enjoy things. I'm not inflexible. While that doesn't mean I'm going to run out and rent Love Story, it's good to bear in mind.

Ecch, feelings blog. Blech, I enjoy reposting memes and anime reviews more than this. At least I can end this by watching Esparza sing Willkommen from Cabaret, one of the least romantic things I know of.  Enjoy!

Though this will make it harder to see him as a credible DA.

Evil Dead: The Musical

Since I’m in Evil Dead: The Musical (premiering Friday October 24th at The Starlight Theater in Michigan) I thought I’d take some time and spoil everything about it, from the music to the plot to the intricate details and nuances.

Then I realized that was a TERRIBLE idea. I want you guys to come see the show, not listen to me critique it. In that spirit, here’s five things you’ll experience if you come to Evil Dead the Musical (running October 24th, 25th, 30th,31st and November 1st)

5. Blood

This show is RIDDLED with practical effects. If you sit in the first few rows, you WILL get wet. Wear a white tee-shirt and bring home a souvenir! Or get a poncho and protect yourself. Whatever floats your boat.
4. Chainsaws

No Evil Dead associated property is complete without the chainsaw. Even the less-than-stellar reboot/sequel got that part right. And our show is no exception. There is a chainsaw, among other weapons of Deadite destruction. Never fear, S-Mart shoppers!
3. Humor

This is FUNNY. Not only are classic lines from the movies featured, but we poke fun at the whole genera of horror, musicals, and everything in between. You’ll be laughing your head off. I know I will be. :D
2. A well-deserved R rating.

DO NOT BRING SMALL CHILDREN TO THIS SHOW. There is blood, gore, swearing, and implied sex. No nudity, but that’s about it. If your seventeen year old has already seen the movies, they’re probably fine. Just leave little Bobby and Suzie at home, or explain to them wha that tree just did to the nice lady.
1. Great music

This show has a lot of fun numbers celebrating everything from stupid protagonists, to love, to demonic evil about to slaughter the living. It’s got classic romantic ballads, pop, country, even a tango! What’s not to like?!

Be there. Or we’ll swallow your soul!

Five things that shouldn't have been musicals

5. 'Tarzan' based on the Disney movie 'Tarzan'.

     With musical adaptations of Disney's 'The Lion King' and 'Beauty and the Beast' raking in dough, it's no wonder the mouse has tried others. 'Aladdin' is on Broadway right now, with 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' hot on it's heels. But who thought this was a good idea?

          Mixing traditional Broadway structure with Cirque du Soleil style high-flying effects was a recipe for disaster. The original movie wasn't even a box-office smash, and the play's regional US tour was canceled. A major issue was the lyrics were derided by critics as weak and bland. One example: "My heart is beating faster, I must know more about her. ... She makes me feel so alive." Well, Tarzan only just learned English. Give him some time, maybe it'll perk up.

4. 'Spiderman: Turn off the Dark' based on the comic book 'Spiderman.'

     This is a pretty famous example. Combine the crazy high-flying effects of Tarzan with a terrifying amount of accidents, and you get a train wreck people pay through the nose to see. It's one of those 'You have to see this, it's so bad' experiences.  I know several people who have returned just to see the accidents.

Basically this for the music lover.

     

     The reviews have been mixed, but most critics weren't impressed with Bono's score. Yes, that Bono. One reviewer said "...if I knew a less-than-precocious child of 10 or so, and had several hundred dollars to throw away, I would consider taking him or her to...Spider-Man." Yikes. Glad that hero won't be saving us anytime soon.

Yes, I like Nickleback. Do your worst, internet.

3. 'Carrie', based on Stephen King's novel 'Carrie.'

      Often regarded as one of the worst musicals of all time, this show was so bad it had a book written about it. I'm a big fan of Stephen King, but whatever possessed him to let them do this is beyond me.

Damnit Pennywise, wasn't killing and eating children evil enough?!

     It does have one good song. That is literally the only positive thing I've ever heard about this show. The writing is bad, the other music is bad, and the actors cannot save it. Even King fans have shunned it, yours truly included. Horror and musicals don't mix very well.

Except this time.

2. 'High Spirits', based on the straight show 'Blithe Spirit.'

     Blithe Spirit is one of my all-time favorite straight (or non-musical) plays. A man's dead wife comes back to him after a seance and wreaks havoc with his life, including his new wife. It's a stitch, and has become a classic comedy show.

     High Spirits takes that joy and rams it where the sun doesn't shine. 

     

     I did this show at the behest of a friend of mine when one actress had to drop out. I didn't sing, thank God. The show, unlike EVERY OTHER MUSICAL ADAPTATION EVER, does not turn dialogue into songs that moves the plot, or replaces scenes. It takes the straight show and crams in bad songs that don't move the show forward, and takes out none of the dialogue. It makes the show an HOUR LONGER and less funny. By A LOT. There's two songs devoted to objects (a bike and an ouija board respectively). Both sung by one character. Both utterly pointless.

I cannot express my dislike of this show strongly enough. But it doesn't hold a candle to my number one spot.

1. 'Lil' Abner', based on the comic strip 'Lil' Abner.'

     This is known as 'The Show that Must Not be Named' among my few friends that did it with me. Again, I was only in this production at the behest of the director. And I sang. Dear God, did I sing.

     Lil Abner was a comic strip back in 1909, and is still re-run occasionally today. But in the early 2000's, nobody knew what it was, or why anyone would do a musical based on it that premiered in 1956. But do it we did. And boy, did it suck.

     The 'plot' is that Abner is big and strong. And that's about it. There's some stuff about the town he lives in being a nuclear test site as it's useless, an arranged marriage, and some guys losing interest in sex due to fruit from a tree. There's also an assassin named "Appassionata Von Climax" and the main character is ordered to commit suicide. 

     I wish I was kidding. If you ever hear about this play, STAY AWAY. You have been warned. This isn't even so bad it's good. It's just bad.

Five things nobody tells you about acting.

5. Good local theater exists.

I’m in several community theaters, and at least 75 of my nearly 100 shows have been good. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of crappy theater, local and professional. Sometimes it’s a bad cast, sometimes the show itself is faulty. But most theaters are good. A community theater will implode on itself if they can’t get butts in seats, so you’ll usually be safe.

Shameless plug is shameless. Yes, that is me as Morticia.

4. You will do shit and not even know.

I was in a small (indie) film a few years ago. Elder Growth. The best thing I can say about it is I tried hard. Three people, found footage, evil trees, and some of the most pretentious writing of all time.

But at the time, I thought it wasn’t bad. I knew it wasn’t shakespeare, but it wasn’t that bad. Then I watched it a month ago. It’s baaaaad. See it here, if you’re interested.

3. What goes around stays around.

Fiddler on the Roof. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The Producers. The Wizard of Oz. Even people who have never seen a show will know at least a couple of these from the movie versions.

What you don’t know is that local theaters LOVE these shows. Why? They’re big names, and guarenteed to get butts in seats. Most of them have large kid choruses, which means grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everybody coming to see lil’ Suzie on stage.

I know people who are sick of these shows, they’ve done them so much. I like all of ‘em, but I’ve only done these at the most twice. I’ve played my favorite parts already in Joseph and Fiddler. Looks like it’s all downhill from here!

2. People get hurt.

You all know the stories of Hollywood stars dying because of a role (or at least the urban legends). What you don’t hear about is the small things. For instance: guess which one of these things happened to me on stage, during a show:

A. Thumb in the eye during a musical number.

B. Falling on my foot and breaking it.

C. Getting burned by embers from an explosion.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a little.

That’s right, ALL OF THEM. The burnination was just last Sunday. To be fair, the explosion was a planned effect, but it still hurt. I’ve had people burned on dry ice, fall and break their noses, fall down stairs, faint in the light booth, and a dozen other things. Theater is HARD CORE.

I’m not saying it’s a vast wasteland of injured and dying actors.

All I’m saying is that accidents can and do happen. But the show must go on. Even if you’re blind in one eye and limping. Ow.

1. There’s a LOT of illegality.

It’s common practice to tape a night or two of a show and sell it to cast members so they can have a keepsake. It’s also incredibly illegal. But most rights companies look the other way, as long as you don’t sell to the public. It’s not worth their time to come after literally EVERY theater in existence.

What about plagiarized shows? It does happen. I was in a production of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory YEARS before the rights were issued. How? They literally took the script from the movie, and tossed in a few lines from the book. Voila. It was Standing Room Only. I still have no idea how we got away with it.