Figured out what I want to do with my life!

I’ve been taking care of dogs for twenty years. As a 26 year old, that’s quite an accomplishment. I’ve owned 4 dogs (at once, no less!) and cared for cats and dogs since the age of six. I started simple, letting my neighbor’s dog’s out for a few dollars a week. Now I (and my mother when I’m at work) care for a number of animals in the neighborhood, cats and dogs alike, as well as house sitting.

And there are people running Dog Day Care professionally? Where the hell do I sign up?

I love dogs. My perfect day is going to a dog-park and playing with EVERYBODY. I miss having a dog (my last passed last year), but I have a cat for the first time in over 15 years who I love. She gets along with the occasional pooches who crash at my place, so no worries there.

Seriously, do I have to take a class to work at a place like this? I can take a class.

Three of my dogs were quite old when they died, so I’m no stranger to dealing with elderly animals. We also bred two of my dalmatians together, so I’ve been around all stages of puppyhood too. One of them was abused, as were some of the dogs I pet-sit, so I can handle those as well.

Really, where’s the application? I’ll scoop poo and clean vomit if that’s where I’ve gotta start.

There’s Camp Bow-Wow pretty near my place, and it seems to do pretty well. Do they need a well educated dog-exerciser? 20 years experience, no waiting!

Huh, that sounds off.

Maybe I should operate out of my home. Drop your pooch off, pick ‘em up at the end of the day. All day they can play in the yard, the house, with me, get fed, get medicated, take a nap--whatever they want. If I could make a job of that, I’d be one happy person.

I’m gonna look into the licensing thing. I’d love nothing more than to be around animals. Forever.

And it only took me 26 years to figure out my ideal job. Too bad I finished school first.

Learning to Draw

I’m trying to become an artist.

Oh, not in a big way: just scribbles and doodles for Deviantart, really. I’ve got a few Sherlock and Watson sketches of various quality online. Generally it’s just something I do while on hold at work: pull up a pic and try and copy it down.

I’ve wanted to draw for years. I attended art club after school in high school, but it was more about making ashtrays for bake sales than actually being taught anything, much to my dissapointment. I doodled fairies and freakish hands with chipped nails, none looking any better than something a child would produce. After years of frustration, I just gave up.

Now, it’s actually a little better.

Oh, it’s not good: I don’t hold any illusions to that. But it’s not terrible. It actually looks a bit like what it’s supposed to. So, why now, after years of struggle and angst, can I suddenly do...well, slightly better?

The only difference is I’m trying to copy photos. Copying drawings still results in dismal failure, and drawing from my mind is out of the question. But I can reproduce a face if I’m looking right at it: you can almost tell who it is, even. Sometimes.

I bought a book called ‘anyone can draw’. Haven’t cracked it yet. Still doodling Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman as much as I can (usually one quick drawing a day). Ultimately, I’d like to draw some illustrations for my fan-fiction. It’s an old vice, but a poor whetstone is better than none at all. Sometimes I don’t have the time or inspiration to work on my manuscripts. Fanfiction is a nice stopgap.

What is most surprising is that my drawings are viewed and in a few special instances, FAVORITED. I mean, wow. That means a lot, perplexing as it is.

The Fly vs. Puppetmaster 5

No sooner do I finish watching 1986 masterpiece The Fly do I pop Puppetmaster 5 the Final Chapter (yes another grievous misnaming)  into my DVD player. From the top dog to the bottom of the heap in one fell swoop: possilby the greatest Sci-Fi remake of all time and one of the worst direct-to-video crapfests ever put on celluloid.

It's...it's...

Hmm.

Sorry for the pause, Pinhead and Jester were killing a henchman with a meat cleaver.

My love of bad horror movies is almost as great as my love of good ones. Troll 2 stands on my self next to the original Nightmare on Elm street (as well as all the sequels. And ONLY the sequels, not this piece of shit) Poltergeist and Poltergeist 3 both give me screams, some of terror, some of laughter. And frankly, Poltergeist 2 is a bit underrated. I'll riff bad flix and sit in quiet reverence for the good ones.

It's not isolated to just me. Mystery Science Theater 3000  wouldn't exist if it was. Evil Bong 2 is a self-aware tribute to the bad movie altar (and worth a look. And you actually kind of have to see Evil Bong to follow along).

What is it about so bad they're good movies that draw so many of us in? Yes, some are intentional (just look at Full Moon studios or Asylum Pictures) but many are completely accidental: those are often the best. The humor is always funnier when it's done with a straight face.

So, does that mean every bad movie is a comedy gold mine? No, sadly not. Some are simply bad. But there are enough funny little messes in the bargain bins of Target and the one-stars on Net-flicks to keep me in stitches until the next Insidious-level horror film comes along.

To the girl sitting next to me at Insidious Two

So I attended a showing of Insidious 2 with my future brother in law Grizz last night. We went to a 6:40 show since Grizz had to be up at 6:00 for work at a place that rhymes with Lowgers.

That was our mistake.

What we failed to realize is that a 6:40 showing for a PG-13 flick is going to be PACKED with teenage girls. Now, when I was a teenage girl, I never screamed at a horror movie. Frankly, I’ve never screamed at a movie. Jerked, sure. Clutched Bahamute’s arm, maybe. But screamed? Nope.

The usher was walking the aisles regularly, so talking was kept at a minimum, as was cellphone use. Not completely gone, mind you, but tolerable.

Then, the girl next to me (no older than 14 surely) started talking to me.

“Oh my God, it’s so scary!”

I raised one hand. “It’s fine.”

“But they’re gonna dieeeeeee!” She trembled, blond hair jittering.

“It’s fine. It’s a movie.”

The next thing I knew, her head was in my lap.

I looked across to Grizz.  “I don’t--how do I--what do I--Nothing in life has prepped me to deal with this situation!”

Grizz just grinned. Eventually, the girl left the safety of my lap. The screaming continued unabated.

I turned back to Grizz. “Can I dissociate myself from the gender right now?”

But it’s not a gender thing. Plenty of boys were hollering during the jump scares (which sadly, are ramped up from Insidious One’s total of one to about a dozen. Forgivable, but noticeable).  

I have to assume it’s a maturity thing. Even when I was thirteen I never squealed at scary movies. I might clap my hands over my mouth, but I never once screamed out, even if I was terrified. I was too conscious of breaking the mood and drawing attention to myself.

But even in my day, there were plenty of girls who were squealers. And I guess there always will be.

Futruama: the end (for reals!)

The series that brought together the living memebers of Star Trek TOS (Except Scotty)

The series that gave us such hilarious (yet completely inapplicable to humans) catchphrases like 

and

is ending. And unlike the last two times, this one looks like it'll stick. Moreover, I'm...not really that broken up. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have more Futurama, but after the 4 movies and resurgance on Comedy Central, most of the big series questions have been answered. The #9 man is the leader of a mind reading cult who saves the world. Fry and Leela finally got it on. And...well, that's really about it. Leela was once called 'The Other' by Nibbler, but that's pretty much fallen to the wayside.

So, if Futurama really IS over, I'll be a little sad, but not destroyed. Not like if it ended after it's Fox run with NOTHING answered. Still, I'll be watching these last few episodes with a LOT of interest.

A Storm of Swords and other weather (Spoilers PAST the Red Wedding)

I finished 'A Storm of Swords' this morning. 

Fuck. Me.

The more I read this series, the more I love it. And despite all the complaints, my three favorite characters are still up and kicking. Arya, Bran, and Tyrion are all alive, if not safe and unscathed.

Cat coming back from the dead? HOLY CRAP. Tyrion going to the Free Cities? He better freaking meet Daenerys (whom I also love). Arya getting Needle back? WOOTNESS!

So yeah, I'm loving it. I LOVE an author who's unafraid to murder his darlings, no matter how pissed the fanbase gets.

Mind you, if Tyrion dies, I'll hold a wake. Seriously. I love that guy. But that's nothing different from everybody else. 

Puzzled

Tonight I'm having some friends over to watch Troll 2. Last night it was Jaws. I'm re-reading IT for the umpteenth time.

I love horror. Good horror, bad horror, horror books, horror drawings, cons, props: ALL of it. Most of my friends don't share this interest: Really, only my future brother in law Grizz feels the same way about it that I do. We'll sit and discuss Stephen King, H.P. Lovecraft, Insidious, anything for hours on end: in that way he and I are closer than my fiancee, his brother.

But not in this way.

For a long time, it was just something that I did. It never occurred to me that my interest in horror wasn't shared by everyone around me. They were misguided, I thought. They just needed to be shown how cool it was.

After a few years with my fiancee, I got over that. He doesn't care about horror one way or the other. It's fine. It's good that we have different interests.  It's healthy, etc.

So here I sit, counting down the hours until Troll 2 and Halloween when I can force everyone into participating in my interests. Selfish? Yeah. But it's one of the few times I push what I want to do. I usually try to make everyone else happy and never consider my own wants first (I fail a lot, but at least I try). 

Also, no qualms about them grabbing my ass or my tits. Like, zero.

Tonight is about doing what I want. I feel a little bad about my selfishness, a bit worse about NOT feeling worse, and mostly happy that I'm going to watch bad movies with friends. Anyone else ever get that?

Chun-Chun!

So, here I sit, watching Back to the Future at my soon-to-be Brother’s in law’s house (Bahamute and I are house/snake sitting). I’ve been watching a lot of 80s and 90s movies lately: mostly the Puppet Master series (I’m in the middle of #5 presently). I’ve come to a realization: Law and Order SVU has ruined bad eighties horror for me.

These fuckers.

Let me explain.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Puppet Master flicks (no great surprise there) it’s basically this: Puppets kill things. People. Demons. Other puppets. In the case of #4 it’s demons while protecting a good Master. Some people are killed by the demons, puppets win, end of flick.

Yeah, it's just as good as it looks

Number #5 starts with the protagonist of #4 in a police offce. He’s being charge with the murders. Okay, I can see that, he was the caretaker of the hotel where one dude died. Any other evidence?

Well...He has a creppy looking puppet! And he was the last person to call two murdered scientist he worked with.

He called them FROM the remote hotel, which the phone logs would show. He had NO motive to kill his co workers. The video of one co worker shows her looking at the floor: clearly the suspect programmed his puppet to MURDER these innocent people!

Ha ha.....ooooh.

With no opportunity, motive, and the barest excuse of a mean. These cops would have been tossed out on their asses if they tried this under Captain Cragen.

Get out of my office before I transfer you to the 'partnered with a comic foil' department.

Impotant RAAAAAAGE

What is the word for experiencing rage over something that happened 20 some years ago? Not something serious, like a murder or a war, mind you: something cultural, like an event in a book, movie, play or T.V. show.

Because the crap in Star Trek TNG is starting to REALLY get my dander up.

90% of the episodes are about Picard negotiating treaties. A nice idea, but I though your mission was to BOLDLY go where NO ONE HAS GONE BEFORE, not boldly go to the next neutral meeting site!

Another thing that sucks? Kids. So far Troi, Worf, Data, and Riker have all had a kid (not always a real one, mind you). Two have died by the end of the episode, one was shunted off to live with grandparents, and one was an alien impostor that was ditched at a starbase, presumably. Emotional manipulation go!

Wesley. Nuff said

Don't get me wrong, I still love TNG, mostly for it's complex characters. But I sure do miss the Holy Trinity of Trek beaming down to planets and finding adventures. 

Do do do do doooo....

New toys

Here I sit, blogging from my new Acer Chromebook. So far I'm getting used to the smaller keyboard: It's not teeny tiny or anything, but it's smaller than I'm used to. So I'm sitting in my living room, watching Puppetmaster 2, and trying out new apps.

Yep, just like this.

So far, so good. It's got a webcam and mic: more videos on the go, perhaps. I'm trying to figure out how to rename it in my Wi-Fi system. TYRION, Motha Effers!

Yep.

So far, so good: $200 well spent!