There are comic book movies at all levels of quality. That's understandable, translation from a static medium to a fluid one isn't easy. There are plenty of fine movies with crappy parts, and a few vice versas. It happens.
But these are unforgivably bad.
5. Dragonball Evolution
Oh, this was a heartbreaker. The epic saga of the monkey prince of China was already filled with space aliens, androids, and magic slug people. How much more off base could the plot get?
They got things intentionally wrong. A major plot point is Goku going to high school. 90% of the first jokes about Goku in the manga are predicated on the fact that he hasn't been to school and doesn't know what basic things like coffee are. And that's just the tip of the iceburg
NO Goku is not Piccolo's (that green guy) slave. NO Yamcha is not comic relief. NO Goku doesn't have any sort of crush on his future wife!
Okay, out of context, that last one doesn't sound so hot. But these points are ESSENTIAL to the plot, and they messed up even more. This is a shoddy slapdash excuse to hold onto the rights of something they had no real interest in making. For shame, Hollywood.
4. Catwoman
Halle Berry in a cut-up Catsuit. This had to be a success, at least from the male demograph--wait, what's that? A huge financial flop since people can see free porn on the internet? Huh.
The writers went out of their way to make sure this movie wasn't related to the Batman franchise. It has as much to do with Catwoman as this movie does:
Unlike Cat-Women of the moon, there isn't a Rifftrax for the Halle Berry mess to soften the pain. Awful, awful movie.
3. X-Men: The Last Stand
This one is a hard one to add to the list. On one hand, I applaud Kelsey Grammer's casting as Beast, the arc of Magneto's character, and the death of Cyclops, because screw Cyclops.
The problem is all the other stuff. I'm a big fan of the X-Men comics, and I've read the entirety of the original Phoenix saga this was SUPPOSED to cover. Not only did they change the origin from awesome outer-space force to Jean having a split personality, they changed...well, everything else. Jean was literally a dead-eyed lackey. The Phoenix re-shapes the universe to her mighty will, sometimes good, usually evil. This...THIS...
And as much as I hate Cyclops, his death was rushed, unnecessary, and unsatisfying. At least let him die fighting, guys. ONSCREEN.
Thankfully, a lot of these issues have been rendered moot.
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
For the uninitiated, this movie was from a time when we didn't have no fancy motion-capture CGI. Just incredibly simple CGI.
Sadly, the non-Muppet studio made Turtles costumes were the least of this movie's issues. Instead of fighting any one of the Turtles other villains besides Shredder, they're sent back in time to ancient Japan. Where Casey Jones' incredibly white identical ancestor just happens to be.
It goes downhill from there.
1. Fantastic Four
This one doesn't even have a good comic to smear. Frankly, I feel worst for Michael Chiklis. He does GREAT as The Thing. Far better than this poor movie deserved.
And its getting rebooted. Yaaay.
But these are unforgivably bad.
5. Dragonball Evolution
Oh, this was a heartbreaker. The epic saga of the monkey prince of China was already filled with space aliens, androids, and magic slug people. How much more off base could the plot get?
On a scale of Super Mario Bros. to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
They got things intentionally wrong. A major plot point is Goku going to high school. 90% of the first jokes about Goku in the manga are predicated on the fact that he hasn't been to school and doesn't know what basic things like coffee are. And that's just the tip of the iceburg
The shitty green iceburg.
NO Goku is not Piccolo's (that green guy) slave. NO Yamcha is not comic relief. NO Goku doesn't have any sort of crush on his future wife!
Okay, out of context, that last one doesn't sound so hot. But these points are ESSENTIAL to the plot, and they messed up even more. This is a shoddy slapdash excuse to hold onto the rights of something they had no real interest in making. For shame, Hollywood.
This video is 22 minutes long. They're usually about 8. Take from that what you will.
4. Catwoman
Halle Berry in a cut-up Catsuit. This had to be a success, at least from the male demograph--wait, what's that? A huge financial flop since people can see free porn on the internet? Huh.
THIS image could not save the movie.
The writers went out of their way to make sure this movie wasn't related to the Batman franchise. It has as much to do with Catwoman as this movie does:
Unlike Cat-Women of the moon, there isn't a Rifftrax for the Halle Berry mess to soften the pain. Awful, awful movie.
3. X-Men: The Last Stand
This one is a hard one to add to the list. On one hand, I applaud Kelsey Grammer's casting as Beast, the arc of Magneto's character, and the death of Cyclops, because screw Cyclops.
I hate you.
The problem is all the other stuff. I'm a big fan of the X-Men comics, and I've read the entirety of the original Phoenix saga this was SUPPOSED to cover. Not only did they change the origin from awesome outer-space force to Jean having a split personality, they changed...well, everything else. Jean was literally a dead-eyed lackey. The Phoenix re-shapes the universe to her mighty will, sometimes good, usually evil. This...THIS...
I also hate you.
And as much as I hate Cyclops, his death was rushed, unnecessary, and unsatisfying. At least let him die fighting, guys. ONSCREEN.
Thankfully, a lot of these issues have been rendered moot.
Awww yissss.
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
For the uninitiated, this movie was from a time when we didn't have no fancy motion-capture CGI. Just incredibly simple CGI.
In my day owls were made of David Bowie and we liked it!
Sadly, the non-Muppet studio made Turtles costumes were the least of this movie's issues. Instead of fighting any one of the Turtles other villains besides Shredder, they're sent back in time to ancient Japan. Where Casey Jones' incredibly white identical ancestor just happens to be.
At least we still have the same April.
It goes downhill from there.
1. Fantastic Four
This one doesn't even have a good comic to smear. Frankly, I feel worst for Michael Chiklis. He does GREAT as The Thing. Far better than this poor movie deserved.
And its getting rebooted. Yaaay.
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