Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, and a couple of WTFs

Yet another out of genera Oz adaptaion is on its way! Maybe! Better start holding your breath!

 I'm not going to get excited, upset, or anything about the Oz adaptation. If it ever sees the light (no producer is even attached yet). There have been dozens, if not hundreds of Oz adaptations. It's even been given the horror treatment before, in short stories, an RPG game, and a comic.

If it's good, we'll get another movie to put with Tin Man or the newest Wiz. If it's bad it can go with Dorothy and the Witches of Oz, and Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return.

The best line in the film is a shitty gay joke.

Oz is like Wonderland; there are countless adaptations, there will be countless adaptations, and throwing a dark spin on it will always be trendy. The MGM adaptation is my favorite movie, and direct all remake attempts on that have failed.

So why am I blogging about it now? So that in the years to come when casting comes out and trailers, and even the movie, I can look back and say: "Huh, I'm way too involved in this stuff."

I need to use my time better.

And finish my DHMIS post...

Five Things that piss me off about ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ Franchise

I’m a big fan of The Chronicles of Narnia, be it the amazing books by C.S. Lewis, the BBC movies, or the modern movies. Each has something to offer, and its high points. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t issues with the franchise.

5. So, they’re kids with the minds of adults?

    For those of you who have only seen the newer Prince Caspian movie, you won’t even know this is a problem. But until that movie, the fact that the four Pevensive children grew into adults and ruled a country, only to be thrust back into mundane childhood, was never really addressed.

Like this, but they were Kings and Queens, not the star of a crappy sitcom.

    C.S. Lewis had them take it in stride, along with everyone they ever knew from their reign (except Aslan) being dead. It’s just a fact that’s noted, but not addressed. Frankly, the new movie having some angst over it was pretty appropriate. But for the many years we only had the original books and BBC movies, this was a pain in the ass.

4. Change for change’s sake in the new movies.

    The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe added a LOT of material to the movie. Some is good (Tumnus and Edmund in the witch’s ice-dungeon was especially nice), but much of it was unnecessary. Like the chase over the ice-floes. Ugh.

At least unnecessary car chases are fast.

    The movies got better with this as time went by, or perhaps I just got used to it. A quest for magic swords when you’re already questing for lost lords? Sure, why not. The magic nightmare island is taking sacrifices and kind of the White Witch? Who gives a crap. Just give me Aslan ripping of Eustace’s scales and I’m with you.

3. Not changing enough in the BBC version.

    The BBC Chronicles of Narnia series is...special. It’s a near word-for-word telling of the story. Sadly, what works so well in the books comes across a little dull. A lottle dull. Mostly dull. Frankly, the series only picks up when Eustace, easily the best child actor, comes in.

We can't all be as appealing as  these snappy bastards.

    The best of these is ‘The Silver Chair’, which is the most like a traditional quest movie of the original books. This one needed little change. But trimming a bit in the first two movies would been nice.

2. The racism.

    So, Narnia isn’t the name of the whole world. It’s just one country among many. And the main antagonish country is Carmalorn: a very thin expy of the middle east. Everyone is brown, wears turbans, smells of garlic, carries scimitars, and are, with the exception of one girl and one boy, evil slavers.

    C.S. Lewis’s racism is casual and understandable for the time he lived in. That doesn’t make it okay, and it’s pretty distracting. Especially when the evil vulture-headed god Tash (Aslan’s opposite) shows up, smelling like garbage and eating his followers. 

Yeah. Not okay.

1. The Nightmare Fuel

    Imagine how horrible you’d feel if you were told you’d eaten a baby. That is the literal feeling one character has after find out they’ve eaten a talking stag. Just one of the many moments, implied or realized, of sheer terror. Here’s a small checklist of things in the books:

• Slavery.

• Being turned to stone, then smashed or frozen forever.

• Violent sacrifice.

• The fact that literally every human character in Narnia in the last book died in a violent railway crash, leaving Susan alone.

Enjoy your fairytale, kids.