Five Personal Paranormal Experiences

I'm no stranger to weird happenings.  These are five of the weirdest. Make of them what you will.

5. Footsteps/Voices, Pixley Funeral Home

My former job was that of a funeral home office manager. One of the two locations I worked was the Pixley Funeral Home. Most days I was by myself for 6 hours. And on these days I would hear an almost-constant murmur of voices from downstairs, and phantom footsteps rushing up and down.

But with sneakers.

I checked downstairs many times, but 90% of the time there was nothing. Occasionally there was a delivery guy, so I know it wasn't just my imagination. I always got the sense that when I was tricked downstairs after hearing a shout something was enjoying a joke.

Whatever. As long as they didn't bother my upstairs, I didn't mind. Now I work at an animal hospital, so farewell voices and thumps of Pixley.

4. Face, Friend's Cabin

A friend of mine (who will recognize himself from this story, IF he reads this rag) has a cabin in the woods.

Try again.

My first time at the cabin I was with several friends, some of who had little kids. We piled out of the cars and vans long after dark, the small cabin the only thing dotting the slight hill. As people unpacked I edged closer, wanting to get some light.

Under a tiny flight of stairs was a face.

But with pupils.

My first thought wasn't 'ghost' it was 'Oh, one of the kids got under the stairs.'

But the kids were still in their car seats. And the face was glowing. And there was NO light.

"H-hello?" I stammered.

The face vanished, and I heard a small pop. I raced over, but there was nothing under the stairs for any light to reflect off, no kid running away, nothing.

The rest of the stay was incident-free.

3. Future dreams (lifelong)

All my life I've had dreams that show the future. Oh, it's never anything like lotto numbers or a Challenger explosion, but little things like places I've never been, or information I'd have no way of knowing. More a bit of trivia than a degree in something.

My earliest memory of this was as a child driving somewhere I'd never been before with my parents and insisting I'd been there. They denied it over and over until I said "Yes I have! See, there's the man with the balloons!"

No, not him.

We then drove by a random guy with balloons. My parents didn't ask me about it again. It wasn't until years later I realized what had actually happened. I still get snippets of conversations, and I've avoided biting my tongue or spraining my ankle more times than I can count. Small, but useful talent!

2. Ghost Animals

At least, I think that's what it was. Many's the time I felt a dog or cat crawl into my waterbed (when I had no such pets, due to them dying), making the bed ripple and rock. If it's not the ghost of Haylee that was getting into my bed, I DON'T want to know what it was...

1. The Bruise

Rather than re-type this story, please enjoy my *cough* cinematic rendition of my weirdest paranormal encounter.

Five things nobody tells you about the paranormal

    I’ve had many experiences in my life, from seeing a phantom face, hearing voices and footsteps, and being grabbed so hard by something that it left a bruise. But for all the ghost hunters and mediums on TV, there are still a lot of things nobody’s ever brought up. For instance...

5. Not everything is a ghost.

    I don’t mean in the ‘Oh, it was just a creaking door’ or ‘you were drunk’ kind of way. But not everything is a ghost. There are less definable things out there, from ‘spirits’ to ‘shadow people’ or just plain creepiness.

    Do I believe in lizard folk and world wide conspiracy? Not at all. I’m just saying the label of ‘ghost’ is used a bit more than necessary. We understand the concept of a ghost, even if we don’t believe. But a shadow person? There’s a lot of theories, but it comes down to ‘living shadows that come from nowhere, and we have no idea why, or what they’re doing.’ Brr. Give me great aunt Ethel any day.

4. Most women are psychic

    Call it Mother’s intuition, precognitive abilities, or latent PMS, but most women are to some degree psychic. When I’ve brought up my abilities (limited to an occasional precognitive dream) in a group of women EVERYONE will have a story to tell. Often a lifetime worth.

    I’ve met one man who has a similar ability, and again, only brought it up when a group of women were with him and already discussing it. If men also have this ability, they’re being tight lipped for fear of ridicule.

    Try it, ladies (and open minded men). Even if you’ve never had an experience that you remember, start the conversation. You’ll be surprised.

3. Being psychic is useless

    TV psychics are Bullshit. Psychics you pay are Bullshit. I have had personal experiences, and I still know these people are bullshit. Psychic ability varies in strength and talent, but there is no way in hell Sylvia Brown could look at a person and tell them how their loved one died. A psychic impression from a personal item? Maybe, but that’s one hell of a maybe.

    Your garden-variety psychic will be limited to gut instinct that may be a little stronger than most peoples, and an occasional precognitive dream or vision. That’s it. And even those are useless little snippets from everyday life. The best I’ve had? I’ve avoided pointless arguments with my husband, and stopped myself from biting my tongue. Woo-hoo! America’s Got Talent here I come!

2. Research doesn’t fix everything.

    In a TV show or movie, even a ‘reality’ show, an investigator will dig up something to explain what’s happening. In real life, this isn’t the case. My house has weird stuff going on the whole time I’ve lived there (AKA my whole life), but I have no idea why. There’s no deaths that I can find, no satanists, nothing. The place was built in the fifties, changed hands two or three times, and now my family owns it. End of story.

    Which doesn’t come close to explaining my last issue...

1. You can get used to anything.

    My bedroom is shaped like a shoebox. My bed was positioned lengthwise inside. I slept on the left side since I got out of the crib. 29 days out of 30 I had a nightmare that would keep me awake for at least an hour.

    It wasn’t until I mentioned this offhand to my brother in law that it struck me as odd. I never considered that other people didn’t get terrible nightmares every night of their lives.

    Why do I say this is paranormal and not just my wounded psyche? The nightmares abruptly stopped at age fifteen, when I switched sides of the bed. I didn’t notice they were gone, aside from vague relief. I figured it had to do with growing up.

    Then a friend mentioned whenever she slept over (on the left side, of course), she had the most awful nightmares.

    When I rolled to that side in my sleep? Nightmares. When other friends stayed over? Nightmares.

    I have no explanation for this. My bed is situated differently now, and when I sleep on the left I have no issues. Something about that corner of my room, not the bed itself, is the problem.

    The dreams were scary enough. The idea that I never knew anything was wrong for fifteen years is infinitely more terrifying.

Achievement Unlocked: First Week at New Job Completed!

So, it's official: I work at several local funeral homes.

And it is kinda awesome.

For those of you who regularly read my blog, you'll know I was out of work for about two months prior to this, so even a part time job is a step up. Now, I find myself an office Manager for a small funeral home literally TWO MINUTES from my house (and a fill in for two others,slightly farther away).



As for the actual job, let me answer your big questions:

NO, I don't do anything with bodies. It takes years of training to do anything with them. The closest I've come to a body was going down to the supply room, which is next to where they store/work on bodies. Perhaps slightly creepy, but it doesn't bother me.

YES, part of my job is working funeral services, if they need me. This will involve showing people where to hang up coats, and answering simple questions. More like being a hostess than anything yes.

NO, it's not creepy. My office is upstairs, and used to be a house. It has PLUS PINK CARPET for Pete's sake!

Pictured: Office Cuteness Level

So, what do I actually do, you ask. Well, A LOT. I take payments, enter payments, enter bills, put in contract info/change contract info, take checks to the banks, do the mail, and about a hundred other things for which I'm training on the computer. So, general office manager stuff, with a VERY sharp learning curve. My supervisor says I'm doing really well, but at the end of some days I can't even think straight. I feel kinda dumb.

But not this dumb.

The people are all really nice, and very upbeat. No dour old undertakes in my offices. One of the Funeral Directors, let's call him Art, is about my age, and pretty much the least serious individual I've ever met. It took me aback, but they're all dead professional (ha ha, pun) with the families.

A few little oddities have abounded. I'm apparently the only one with an English degree (not surprising, it's not field related), but have not become known for using big words that have to be explained. Words like 'Preemptive' and 'Jubilant'.  I'm also the comma and apostrophe editor, and have been asked about minor wording issues on service materials, like obituaries and programs.

All in all, I like the job, but I wish I could go six months into the future and pluck all the knowledge and experience out of my head, and bring it back here. I understand how to do things: now just comes memorization.

On an unrelated topic, pretty sure the house ghost/presence is acting up again, as a music box that quite literally hasn't been touched in years went off while Bahamute and I played Minecraft last night (among other things). Cheers!

And sweet dreams.