Horray for minimal effort!

So, I saw Out of the Shadows last night.

But wait, there's more!

Let's get the good stuff out of the way, and yes, there will be spoilers. It was a significant improvement over the last movie. Bebop and Rocksteady were fun. Krang was fun. There was a lot less Megan O'Neil and a lot more Turtles. It was fun.

HOWEVER.

The plot was indescribably dumb. Once again, we have the turtles failing to mesh as a team. Haven't seen that before, except in every Turtle movie aside from #3. Not that there weren't other issues there. That is still the worst film.

While they fail to mesh, Shredder escapes jail (while being guarded by Casey Jones), only to meet Krang and agree to help the alien warlord take over earth, with almost no explanation or urging.

A return to classic dumb Shredder form.

After that, it's a misma of confusion and puns. Donatello's computer tells the turtles everything they'd ever need to know about Krang, Shredder, Bebop, Rocksteady, and everything else that comes their way. Never is there any questioning, or explanations. It's got plenty of fanservice, though, so original fans will get minimal enjoyment.

Quick sum up: Vern has taken credit for capturing Shredder in the last film, AKA bringing down a huge building in the middle of NYC. The turtles are mad that he's not sharing credit, even though Leo points out that he can't. April finds out uber-scientist Madea is working with Shredder. Shredder escapes from prison, meets Krang, immediately is like, 'yeah bruh, we'll take over the world, just help me destroy those blasted turtles.' Mikey wants to go outside, everyone else points out that they're basically monsters. Shredder turns Bebop and Rocksteady into mutants, and they're TOTALLY COOL with it. They LOVE it. Then it's a race across the globe to collect all the pieces of the yadda blah to bring the Technodrome here.

Yes, it's cool.

Shredder betrays Madea. April does nothing. Casey is there, does minimal sport-related stuff. Then Leo leans to use his brothers unique points of view, they save the world, and Krang betrays Shredder. The police give the turtles keys to the city in front of the Statue of liberty. Oh, and they all decide it's fine being turtles for no reason, after whining about it most of the film.

It's not good. But it's an improvement. At this rate we'll get a good turtles movie in 3 more films or so.

A week without internet. Sort of. Not really.

So, Bahamute and I got fiber optic internet installed last Saturday!

Except there's an outage and it won't actually work until this upcoming Saturday. But it's okay.

I have a small portable internet thing thanks to my cousins (message me if you're interested, it's a great deal), so we have limited access. Bahamute and I have caught up on some DVDs, and I've read  a lot more. Overall, a win.

We're going to see TMNT 2 tonight, and we've got plans with friends for the rest of the week. I can still blog at work. I even have some Rifftrax pre-downloaded on my Chromebooks. Life is good.

 Want to see Bones fight a giant rabbit?

I'll just have to work harder to get the blogs out every day. But I CAN DO IT!

Heartbeat

So, we've had a little more time to process the Pulse shooting. Not that any amount of processing is going to make this easier, better, or make any more sense.

"Everyone get out of pulse and keep running." That's what the club posted to it's Facebook page to help the patrons escape.  They may have saved lives. I use Facebook to crush candy.

33 of the 50 victims have been identified at the time I'm writing this.  Maybe more will be when it's actually posted. 'They' say the only sounds in the club are now the shuffling of the police and the phones of the dead. People trying to reach through a barrier no one may cross.

Thanks, Mr. Takei

There are plenty of reactions besides my stunned ramblings.  Trump wants to ban Muslim immigration, even though the shooter was born in America. Just in case this wasn't horrible enough. More are tweeting their congrats to death and murder. I'm not even shocked. Just sad.

Support happens, though. Go fund mes and blood donations.  If I can use a new take on an old phrase: We are here, Straight and Queer. There isn't any difference.

My best friend has summed things up better than I ever could:

"The first Pride was the Stonewall Riot. We remember a history of violence, conversion, rape, murder and the struggle to be seen simply a variation on a theme of love. A different way of walking through the world. 

We remember the kind of strength it takes to live authentically.

Be louder this Pride. Be bolder. Celebrate. Don't stay home.

As the lesbian feminists say "we are the daughters of the witches you failed to burn" "

One down, four to go

So, I've finished the first of my five books: Akira volume 2. And no, I haven't bought volume 3 yet. I have 4 more books to read before I get to do that. I'm still in the middle of The Fireman.

My issue now is I like to read something comic-y in the morning before work; something light and easy on the eyes. Maybe I'll finally re-read Sailor Moon. I own all of those, no need to worry about getting to my last book and having to buy more, like with Yu-Gi-Oh or Dragon Ball Z.

I'm also in the middle of Sailor Moon Crystal season 3. That won't get confusing!

It would be so easy to preorder Akira volume 3, have it ready for when I'm done with my five. But this isn't about easy.

Maybe it'll be nice to savor something for a bit. I get a lot of instant gratification these days. The pleasure of anticipation isn't uncommon, but it's not something I embrace. I wait years for movies or books when they're unpublished; waiting a few months for this won't be any different.

I don't want to start on Screwtape Letters until I'm done with The Fireman; I can do multiple novels at once, but it'll end up going slower overall. An old favorite like Sailor Moon or DBZ is my best bet.

Well, there's something to look forward to. More Sailor Moon!

Well, Sailor V, then Sailor Moon. I'm not an animal.

*Price is right loser music*

The Itch

I feel the itch. It’s creeping up my spine, down my arms, tingling along my fingers. It would be so easy to dial up Amazon, put in a pre-order for Akira volume 3: I’m almost done with the 2^nd volume. Just a few newspaper print pages stand between me and the end of every good story; a cardboard cover.

I made a promise. I’m being fiscally responsible. I’m still in the middle of 2 other books; one series of Midwestern ghost stories for my purse, one hefty apocalyptic Joe Hill novel for home. I have another manga on the way. Yu-Gi-Oh, my guilty pleasure. How do I explain that it’s more than stupid card games and censored sexuality?

The itch.

I’m not even done with Akira volume 2. We haven’t even seen Akira yet. Just the rebels and the military of post nuclear bomb (no not those two, another one) Neo-Toyko. But I have to know. The Movie won’t do. Will the movie cover the painful days Kaneda spent hidden with Kei, dodging cops and the military? The weeks Tetsuo spent in blinding pain building up a murderous gang, his induction into the facility, his numbering, his growing power and escape?

Probably. But not as slowly or delicately. Not with the black and white intensity on those tissue pages.

What about The Fireman? Harper and her burning dragonscale disease? The baby inside her, waiting to see if it can be born before its mother bursts into flames? The mysterious trick-or-treaters passing out hope and prenatal vitamins dressed as Tony the Tiger and Captain America? What about the rest of the world, charred and cindered? 

I don’t ache. I don’t burn. I itch. I dig into those pages, scratch the surface of another mind, balm myself in words. 

I’ll hold off. Maybe I can blaze through my Fireman, burn through two hells, and ride a dragon to fiery glory at the end. 

I will scratch that itch.

Pulse

I just saw the news.

There's a lot of information to process right now, and I don't have the time or fortitude to do it. I'm siting at a theater, about to watch my brother in law in Jesus Christ Superstar. His husband is on the way to join us. The family is coming from out of town.

I listen to Elton John on the radio while we drove here. Does that mean anything?

My husband says I seem distant. I feel like I'm a dimension over, separated from reality by a paper thin screen. Or a computer screen.

I'll have more to say later, when my banal blogs about words and books and my life pass. For now, there's a a stage and a show and glitz and glamour and death that ends with the bows.

God help us.

The IT Spot: Hocksetter

So, Patrick Hocksetter has been cast in the IT adaptation.

 The face of a psychopath...in the movie.

I have seen this kid in literally nothing, but he's also playing Jordan in Stephen King's CELL, which couldn't be more different. There, he's a scared prep school kid. Here, he'll be playing a murderous child psychopath. Spoiler alert: He dies in one of the most horrific ways I've ever read, even in a King book. Have fun with THAT film makers.

Most of the kid members of the losers club have been cast. They're all basically unknowns, which is great. Bev Marsh, the sole female loser, is the only one not cast. The adult casting for all the characters (all the human characters anyway) remains to be seen. I've already posted some of my ideal cast, but as a reminder:

Seth Green for Adult Ritchie Tozier (especially nice, since he played kid Tozier in the original miniseries)

Robert Sean Leonard for adult Bill Denbrough. I love him, and damnit, he needs more work. Plus, he and Seth Green are the same age.

 Other than that, it's wiiiiiiiide open. C'mon Hollywood. Don't let my cautious optimism go to waste.

Klown vs Clown

The two franchises responsible for my generation's fear of clowns are returning: The Return of the Killer Klowns From Outer Space in 3D in 2018 and Stephen King's IT in 2017.

So, why not sit down and compare these two disparate yet deliciously creepy franchises?

Outward appearance

Both Pennywise and the Klowns have colorful outward appearances. Gaudy neons and wild hair right out of the bigtop. The main difference between the two sets in their clown/klown form is that Pennywise looks like a person in clown makeup, and the Klowns have big thick lips, 'real' clown noses, etc.

One of the Klown's limiting factors is that they're not shape shifters; Pennywise can literally be anything in case you're not scared of clowns. Notable appearances include:

Old rotting lady/man.

Teenage werewolf

Big ol' spider.

I'd say the Klowns are ceepier in clown form, just based on looks alone. But when they open their mouths...

Vocals

 Pennywise is played by Tim Curry, and has his illustrious voice. It's not even fair!

The Killer Klowns don't say much (I think the only word is 'Pizza' and repeating a character's name with another character's voice), and they're randomly extra high or low pitched. It's a little unnerving, but these things don't rely on that at all.

Powers and abilities

The Killer Klowns have ray guys that turn you into a cotton candy slurpee, different ray guns that stick you inside a balloon (for later), a vacuum truck to suck up the cotton candy cocoons, a huge space ship shaped like a circus tent (and filled with zany rooms and mazes), mallets, puppets, acid cream pies, and 'magic bags' for holding tricks. They're aliens and clowns; if you can name something one of those villains has, these guys have it.

Even the puppets are packin'.

They're also gifted ventriloquists.

Pennywise can lure in young kids, tell a half-decent joke, and, oh yeah, SEE THE APPEARANCE NOTE ABOVE. Also, it can possess people, plague you with dead kids, and hide itself from grownups. So...yeah, gonna give it to Pennywise again.

Plus whatever the hell this balloon attack is.

Who are they after?

One of the few similarities between fanchises is who they're after; both Klown and clown are sucking the life out of an entire town. Pennywise just gets more time to do it.

What the Killer Klowns lack in Stephen King endorsement, they make up for with Titus killing.

Where are they from?

Actually, both sets of red-nosed ravishers originally come from outer space. Pennywise is from OUTER outer space, actually. Like, outside our dimension. And now he lives in a sewer.

They all have renters insurance down here, Georgie.

Weaknesses

The Killer Klowns can only be stopped by exploding their noses, and even then, you can only take 1 Klown at a time. Even their ship exploding didn't stop 'em, so humanity is doomed.

The Dickies say so.


Movie-verse Pennyswise is beaten with silver earrings and getting it's heart ripped out. So...yeah, giving it to the Klowns. I'd bring up the book, but you don't have an extra four hours for me to explain it.

So, what's my ultimate opinion on Pennywise vs the Killer Klowns? I like 'em both! Go watch them both!

5 Books I'm reading next.

With 500+ books in my personal library, and almost a hundred unread, I've got to get moving. I've made a vow not to buy any more books until I read some of the ones I already have. Now, to be fair, I basically immediately broke that promise since the last Temeraire book is coming out, and Joe Hill's newest book was just published, but hey, at least I thought about it.

\

I wish I could, JonTron.

With that in mind, I'm officially declaring my next five books. No more buying until these are read! Maybe public knowledge will help stem my literary urges. I've already purchased them, so no loopholes there either.

1. The Fireman: A Novel by Joe Hill

I have all of Joe Hill's other books, and I'm real excited about this one. I haven't read much about it, just that people are getting scales and bursting into flames. Intriguing!

Wasn't this a department in the ministry of magic?

2. Akira, Vol. 2 by Katsuhiro Otomo

No, I haven't seen the movie. No, I want to wait to see the movie until I've read it all. Yes, I read volume one. Yes, I know about Bartkira.

And now so do you.

3. The History of Hell by Alice K. Turner

A random find at 2nd and Charles, it purports to detail the history of negative afterlife locations through several cultures. No word on if Phil the Prince of Insufficient Light is involved.

Aww man.

4. The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis

I'm a big Narnia fan. Time to read more of C.S. Lewis's fine work...also about hell. Sorta.

No word on Phil's involvement here either.

5. League of Dragons by Naomi Novik
Epic series about talking, soldier dragons. The final book in the series. I'm happy, but also dreading it, since that means no more. I don't wanna talk about it any more.
 

 More awsome, accurate art by Daniel Govar here.

Ecto-Pathetic

So, several months after my initial Ghostbusters post, things haven't gotten much better. Dan Akroyd watched an early cut of the new film, pronounced it great, and the 'fans' have derided him for it. That's right, the man responsible for bringing us Ghostbusters is ALSO getting hate from the 'fans.'

Do I even need to say anything?

I'm pulling rank here, guys. I have the Ghostbusters comics, both movies, The Real Ghostbusters box set, and a semi-updated Ghostbusters Tumblr. I know more about the whole franchise than the average 'fan.' Aside from the new movie not possibly being worse than the worst parts of the existing franchise,  nobody has seen it yet. Trailers often misrepresent their films, and even if the trailers are totally accurate, the newest trailer looks FINE.

ALL the things I've said about the effects being undone, the best jokes not being farted out at a first glance, and the characters not being one-off copies of the originals has been validated. And even IF this movie was a Paul Blart-esc misma of lazy fart jokes and crummy effects (and I'm not saying it is) there's one thing everyone's forgetting:

IT WILL NOT RUIN YOUR CHILDHOOD.

Your childhood is over. It is unchangeable without benefit of a time turner, Terminaor, or DeLorean.

Also, this.

I've complained often enough about crummy entries in my favorite franchises to know that nothing can make me love the original incarnation less; Not a voodoo shark, not jump scares,  not midichlorians, not Rob Zombie (though I actually liked that one), not Rachel Berry, not an X-Rating, not censorship, not bad practical effects, not genera jumping, not even a shot for shot remake.

By all means, complain about bad movies, books, games, shows, and everything else you see that is sub par entertainment. There's no other way to make changes to the industry. BUT GIVE IT A CHANCE FIRST. Give it a chance. And remember, you still have access to the good.