Happy Friday!
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Friday, May 16, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Five lunches I've eaten as an adult
Being a married adult who manages a place routinely host to dead people, you'd assume I had my life together.
Here's a list of my dietetic woes for your amusement.
5. Pizza (ordered in)
Some days you just want something hot and fresh, but you can't go anywhere. Delivery pizza to the rescue! Even better when your boss is in and you HAVE to split because she can't eat everything and that smell is fantastic...
Four stars out of five. It's pizza.
4. Two day old shrimp in lobster sauce with fried rice
Chinese dinner combos make idea work lunches. The eggroll and most of the meat are gone, but there's still a ton of fried rice to soak up the sauce. Maybe even a fortune cookie to go with it. Mm-mm!
Three and a half stars out of five. The faded glory from the previous days shows, and that stuff takes forever to heat.
3. Applesauce cup, cheese sandwich crackers, string cheese, and a lemon meringue pudding cup.
Also known as 'Damnit, I though there was another frozen chicken sandwich' lunch. No main course is no problem, if done sparingly. I eat this about once a week, or whenever the groceries run low.
Rating: Two and a half stars out of five. It's so average.
2. Baloney sandwich on white bread, Simply Lemonade with Raspberry, and half a chocolate muffin.
Otherwise known as the 'There was a seminar at work and I got the leftovers' lunch. Since I'm alone most of the day, there isn't a handy person to foist leftovers on. There's a bunch of frozen danishes in the freezer, along with some juice and the other half of that muffin. I'm sitting pretty!
Rating: Four and a half out of five. Tasty! But rare.
1. Nothing
Sometimes there's nothing I like, but mostly I'm just not as hungry working a 6 hour shift. So, some days I don't eat until I get home? Healthy? Hell no. But it's the truth.
Rating: Zero stars out of five. By default.
5. Pizza (ordered in)
Some days you just want something hot and fresh, but you can't go anywhere. Delivery pizza to the rescue! Even better when your boss is in and you HAVE to split because she can't eat everything and that smell is fantastic...
Four stars out of five. It's pizza.
4. Two day old shrimp in lobster sauce with fried rice
Three and a half stars out of five. The faded glory from the previous days shows, and that stuff takes forever to heat.
3. Applesauce cup, cheese sandwich crackers, string cheese, and a lemon meringue pudding cup.
Rating: Two and a half stars out of five. It's so average.
2. Baloney sandwich on white bread, Simply Lemonade with Raspberry, and half a chocolate muffin.
Otherwise known as the 'There was a seminar at work and I got the leftovers' lunch. Since I'm alone most of the day, there isn't a handy person to foist leftovers on. There's a bunch of frozen danishes in the freezer, along with some juice and the other half of that muffin. I'm sitting pretty!
Rating: Four and a half out of five. Tasty! But rare.
1. Nothing
Sometimes there's nothing I like, but mostly I'm just not as hungry working a 6 hour shift. So, some days I don't eat until I get home? Healthy? Hell no. But it's the truth.
Rating: Zero stars out of five. By default.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Five favorite Eugene Levy characters
Eugene Levy is a comedic genius. Granted, I haven't seen all of his fine work, but what I have seen is always great. Here are five of my favorites.
5. The Car Salesman in National Lampoon's Vacation
A small, but vital role. This is the first of many screw yous Clark Griswold (aka Chevy Chase) will get over the course of the National Lampoon's vacation movies.
4. Gil Bender, Greg the Bunny
Gil, the director of Sweet Knuckle Junction, father to Jimmy, and all around control freak. A hilarious addition to any scene.
3. Plug Gard, Dilbert
A one-scene guys star (alongside Jerry Seinfeld of all people), in episode 'The Return'. It's on youtube and netflix if your curious. I love the whole show, and this episode is worth a watch or ten.
2. Guy Fontenot, Almost Heroes
Of course he's French! Why else would he speak with that outrageous accent?! The larger than life counterpart to the team's Indian Guide, Levy isn't in much, but what he is in is comedy gold.
1. Mitch Cohen, A Mighty Wind
A drugged-out relic from times gone by, Mitch is both funny and sad. The kiss between him and Mickey still tears me up a little. He's not a bad singer, either.
5. The Car Salesman in National Lampoon's Vacation
A small, but vital role. This is the first of many screw yous Clark Griswold (aka Chevy Chase) will get over the course of the National Lampoon's vacation movies.
4. Gil Bender, Greg the Bunny
Gil, the director of Sweet Knuckle Junction, father to Jimmy, and all around control freak. A hilarious addition to any scene.
3. Plug Gard, Dilbert
A one-scene guys star (alongside Jerry Seinfeld of all people), in episode 'The Return'. It's on youtube and netflix if your curious. I love the whole show, and this episode is worth a watch or ten.
2. Guy Fontenot, Almost Heroes
Of course he's French! Why else would he speak with that outrageous accent?! The larger than life counterpart to the team's Indian Guide, Levy isn't in much, but what he is in is comedy gold.
1. Mitch Cohen, A Mighty Wind
A drugged-out relic from times gone by, Mitch is both funny and sad. The kiss between him and Mickey still tears me up a little. He's not a bad singer, either.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Five interesting facts about the number 13
Happy Tuesday the 13th! Here's some stuff you may not know about the number 13.
5. 13 letters in your name? Bad luck!
Just take a look at these winners: Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Theodore Bundy, just to name a few. But what about Scar the Lion? Or Colonel Kurtz? Or Nurse Ratched? Those movies/books knew what was up. Or it's a gigantic coincidence. But that wouldn't look good on my list.
4. JK Rowling used it well.
June 13th, 1943: Moaning Myrtle is murdered, and Tom Riddle frames Hagrid. Also, a giant spider is released into the forest. September 13th 1991: Harry and co discover Fluffy. October 13th 1996: Katie Bell touches the cursed necklace and goes to St. Mungos.
Not an overabundance, but just enough for the discerning/obsessive reader.
3. There's a musical called "13"
Musicals with numbers in the name are nothing new. Nine, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and countless others.
But in 2008 there was a new contender: "13". It's the story of a small town kid moving to NYC, dealing with his parents divorce, high school, and his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. It's played quite a lot, so it might be good. I don't know. It wasn't bad enough to go on my other list.
2. Season one of The Simpsons had 13 episodes.
The Simpsons is on episode five gazillion (roughly), but the first season paved the way. Known for rough animation, a strange Walter Mathau-esq Homer, and good-enough-to-get-a-second-season plots, it left it's mark on history. My favorite from these? "Krusty gets Busted." Gotta love Kelsey Grammar as Sideshow Bob.
1. Greg the Bunny ONLY had 13 episodes.
Ah, Greg the Bunny. How I love you. A proto avenue Q type show, Greg the Bunny lasted one glorious summer on Fox. It addressed the issues puppets (or fabricated Americans) faced in the real world (a loose term at best). Sadly, Fox dumped it along with The Lone Gunmen and a host of other shows. At least I'll always have the DVDs...somewhere...
Because Turtles are slow...Bahamute's favorite character, BTW.
5. 13 letters in your name? Bad luck!
Just take a look at these winners: Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Theodore Bundy, just to name a few. But what about Scar the Lion? Or Colonel Kurtz? Or Nurse Ratched? Those movies/books knew what was up. Or it's a gigantic coincidence. But that wouldn't look good on my list.
4. JK Rowling used it well.
June 13th, 1943: Moaning Myrtle is murdered, and Tom Riddle frames Hagrid. Also, a giant spider is released into the forest. September 13th 1991: Harry and co discover Fluffy. October 13th 1996: Katie Bell touches the cursed necklace and goes to St. Mungos.
Not an overabundance, but just enough for the discerning/obsessive reader.
3. There's a musical called "13"
Musicals with numbers in the name are nothing new. Nine, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and countless others.
But in 2008 there was a new contender: "13". It's the story of a small town kid moving to NYC, dealing with his parents divorce, high school, and his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. It's played quite a lot, so it might be good. I don't know. It wasn't bad enough to go on my other list.
2. Season one of The Simpsons had 13 episodes.
The Simpsons is on episode five gazillion (roughly), but the first season paved the way. Known for rough animation, a strange Walter Mathau-esq Homer, and good-enough-to-get-a-second-season plots, it left it's mark on history. My favorite from these? "Krusty gets Busted." Gotta love Kelsey Grammar as Sideshow Bob.
1. Greg the Bunny ONLY had 13 episodes.
Ah, Greg the Bunny. How I love you. A proto avenue Q type show, Greg the Bunny lasted one glorious summer on Fox. It addressed the issues puppets (or fabricated Americans) faced in the real world (a loose term at best). Sadly, Fox dumped it along with The Lone Gunmen and a host of other shows. At least I'll always have the DVDs...somewhere...
Because Turtles are slow...Bahamute's favorite character, BTW.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Four Things I'm counting down to
The best things in life are worth waiting for. Still, it's nice to know the exact dates. Not in any order, because that's now how I do things, if you haven't noticed.
4. The Ant Man movie, July 17th, 2015
To my great surprise, the internet has proven, I'm not the only fan of Ant Man. I'm just as shocked as you are. Literally dozens of fans were delighted when the movie finally got a release date. More importantly, this movie is starring the likes of Patrick Wilson, Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, and Michael Douglas. Count me in!
3. Rifftrax riffs Sharknado LIVE! July 10th (Encore July 15th)
Remember MST3K? Think no puppets and modern movies. That's Rifftrax. Once in a while, the crew does a live riff, broadcast across theaters. I haven't been able to go to one before, but I should be able to make one of these babies. And Sharknado? That's the modern B-Movie in a nutshell. Very excited for this!
2. New Nostalgia Critic episodes, every tuesday
Today it'll be The Lorax. Next week, an editorial on God knows what, but it'll be funny! These make my tuesday exciting (Well, that and episodes of Face Off and Jim Henson's Creature Workshop with friends. But that's another story).
1. Halloween, October 31st
This one needs no explanations.
4. The Ant Man movie, July 17th, 2015
To my great surprise, the internet has proven, I'm not the only fan of Ant Man. I'm just as shocked as you are. Literally dozens of fans were delighted when the movie finally got a release date. More importantly, this movie is starring the likes of Patrick Wilson, Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, and Michael Douglas. Count me in!
3. Rifftrax riffs Sharknado LIVE! July 10th (Encore July 15th)
Remember MST3K? Think no puppets and modern movies. That's Rifftrax. Once in a while, the crew does a live riff, broadcast across theaters. I haven't been able to go to one before, but I should be able to make one of these babies. And Sharknado? That's the modern B-Movie in a nutshell. Very excited for this!
2. New Nostalgia Critic episodes, every tuesday
Today it'll be The Lorax. Next week, an editorial on God knows what, but it'll be funny! These make my tuesday exciting (Well, that and episodes of Face Off and Jim Henson's Creature Workshop with friends. But that's another story).
1. Halloween, October 31st
This one needs no explanations.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Five funny parodies in song
Happy Friday!
5. Just Don't go
I'm sick of Frozen, but this still song makes me laugh. And that guy can siiiiiiing!
4. Dumb Ways to Die (in videogames)
If you missed the original Dumb Ways to Die, you need to see it. But this parody is great for the video game nerd in all of us.
3. Glove and Boot's history of Television.
Glove and Boots take you from TVs earliest shows to the latest in entertainment: all with new lyrics!
2. After Ever After
What happens when the credits roll on your favorite Disney princesses? Let Jon Cozart tell you.
1. College Musical!
Get hit with some hard truths about college life. In song!
5. Just Don't go
I'm sick of Frozen, but this still song makes me laugh. And that guy can siiiiiiing!
4. Dumb Ways to Die (in videogames)
If you missed the original Dumb Ways to Die, you need to see it. But this parody is great for the video game nerd in all of us.
3. Glove and Boot's history of Television.
Glove and Boots take you from TVs earliest shows to the latest in entertainment: all with new lyrics!
2. After Ever After
What happens when the credits roll on your favorite Disney princesses? Let Jon Cozart tell you.
1. College Musical!
Get hit with some hard truths about college life. In song!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Five basic pieces of anime/manga knowlage for non-fans
As someone who only reads and watches super-popular animes and mangas (or their parody counterparts), I understand how confusing the world is. So, here's a super basic rundown of the most prominent anime/manga related things you'll see on the interwebs, and why they're funny/sad/horrifying. SPOILERS. Lots of them.
5. Yugioh Abridged
Yugioh is a show about a kid playing card games to save the universe. Normal anime stuff. And while I'm a fan of the manga, the american cartoon show leaves a lot to be desired.
Enter LittleKuriboh and the abridged series.
If you see any ridiculous screencaps from the series (like the above example), chances are they came from this guy. Several catchphrases have spawned as well, such as "BROOKLYN RAGE", "Screw the rules I have money!" and "Super special awesome!"
If confronted with overwhelming in-jokes, just smile and nod. We'll let it go eventually.
Alright, onto legit shows.
4. Who are all these screaming people? Dragon Ball Z
Dragon Ball Z is the story of Son Goku and his sons fighting evil aliens with kung-fu and magic. Also, Goku is an amnesiac alien. That's it. Very simple at the core. How do you deal with this if you catch a rerun? Frankly, if you see someone with weird colored hair or skin, they're a bad guy.
BOOM! You're a Dragon Ball Z expert! Enjoy the screaming and energy balls. There are a lot of 'em.
3. Who are all these screaming people? Sailor Moon.
For anyone confused by my previous Sailor Moon post, here's a handy guide to the cast: If they're in a 'scout' uniform, they're they good guys.
There are some exceptions, but they're not til later seasons/volumes, so no worries. If they're dressed like those girls, they're good guys. Root for 'em. Planets and colors don't matter. Just name a planet, and the fan you're talking to will be happy. Example: "I like Sailor...Mars!" "Yeah, Rei-Chan is so kickass!" "Yep."
2. Why is that guy in a suit of armor? Fullmetal Alchemist
These are the Elric brothers. They're genius alchemists (science-y magic, can turn things into other things). And he's not IN the armor: he IS the armor.
The reasons are unimportant for the non-fan, but they did wrong, and now they're looking for a way to get Al's body back. Simple. But not as bad as...
1. Who is Nina Tucker? Fullmetal Alchemist
This is Nina Tucker and her dog Alexander. She is cute, sweet, and wonderful.
Then her father uses alchemy to fuse them into an abomination hell-beast.
AND IT TALKS.
It's the most depressing moment of the series. Naturally, the internet has taken this and run with it.
So, when you see this pop up, it's NOT FUNNY. Well okay, it is funny, but also super sad. T_T "Big brother Edward...can we play now?" Bwaaaaaaaaaa...Makes me upset EVERY FREAKING TIME.
5. Yugioh Abridged
Yugioh is a show about a kid playing card games to save the universe. Normal anime stuff. And while I'm a fan of the manga, the american cartoon show leaves a lot to be desired.
Enter LittleKuriboh and the abridged series.
If you see any ridiculous screencaps from the series (like the above example), chances are they came from this guy. Several catchphrases have spawned as well, such as "BROOKLYN RAGE", "Screw the rules I have money!" and "Super special awesome!"
If confronted with overwhelming in-jokes, just smile and nod. We'll let it go eventually.
Alright, onto legit shows.
4. Who are all these screaming people? Dragon Ball Z
Dragon Ball Z is the story of Son Goku and his sons fighting evil aliens with kung-fu and magic. Also, Goku is an amnesiac alien. That's it. Very simple at the core. How do you deal with this if you catch a rerun? Frankly, if you see someone with weird colored hair or skin, they're a bad guy.
(Except Piccolo Jr, Chaotzu, Nail, and Bulma, but you don't care, do you?)
3. Who are all these screaming people? Sailor Moon.
For anyone confused by my previous Sailor Moon post, here's a handy guide to the cast: If they're in a 'scout' uniform, they're they good guys.
There are some exceptions, but they're not til later seasons/volumes, so no worries. If they're dressed like those girls, they're good guys. Root for 'em. Planets and colors don't matter. Just name a planet, and the fan you're talking to will be happy. Example: "I like Sailor...Mars!" "Yeah, Rei-Chan is so kickass!" "Yep."
2. Why is that guy in a suit of armor? Fullmetal Alchemist
These are the Elric brothers. They're genius alchemists (science-y magic, can turn things into other things). And he's not IN the armor: he IS the armor.
The reasons are unimportant for the non-fan, but they did wrong, and now they're looking for a way to get Al's body back. Simple. But not as bad as...
1. Who is Nina Tucker? Fullmetal Alchemist
This is Nina Tucker and her dog Alexander. She is cute, sweet, and wonderful.
Then her father uses alchemy to fuse them into an abomination hell-beast.
AND IT TALKS.
It's the most depressing moment of the series. Naturally, the internet has taken this and run with it.
(Yes, more Dragon Ball Z. They are about to fuse. That's the joke)
So, when you see this pop up, it's NOT FUNNY. Well okay, it is funny, but also super sad. T_T "Big brother Edward...can we play now?" Bwaaaaaaaaaa...Makes me upset EVERY FREAKING TIME.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Four fan theories I made up.
Fan theories are the viewers/readers way of filling in little plot gaps left by the creators. Or just ways to make shows seem a bit more appropriate to a certain demographic. So, here's some of mine. All my own invention (with a little help from my friends :) )
4. Season Nine of The X-Files was all a nightmare.
The last moment of the last episode of season eight was Mulder and Scully reunited, holding their precious baby, and everything was wonderful.
Then season nine happened. I won't spoil it for you, because Chris Carter already did that. It's bad. But is it real? I don't think so. Consider the following:
It all points to a dream. Mulder is feeling residual guilt from his abduction in season eight and not being there for Scully. He imagines all the terrible things that could have happened while he was gone: losing William, friends dying, all while mixed with increasingly nonsensical X-Files and plot elements. This culminates in him getting 'The Truth' and his arch nemesis dying in an over the top manner. He'll wake up to know his ultimate pursuit of the truth isn't worth it: life with Scully and their son is.
3. Pennywise is about to make a big comeback.
You may remember Tim Curry played a clown that killed children back in the nineties. What you may not know is that in the book It's destruction wasn't ever totally assured. It laid eggs and the characters specifically think they may not have squashed them all. But what other evidence do I have?
2. Scott Lang will be the third Science Bro.
Brief history of Ant Man: Hank Pym invented the tech, but was a giant douche. Scott Lang was the next Ant-man. He was dead for a while, but now he's back. The Marvel cinematic universe will have both, with Pym being like Howard Stark in Captain America, or so we've been led to believe.
Where does this leave us for Avengers 2/Ant Man/ Avengers 3?
We saw how Tony and Bruce became besties in The Avengers and Iron Man 3. Tony thinks The Hulk is neat, and loves having someone of his level to converse with.
So Why the hell SHOULDN'T he love Scott Lang?
"Shrinking is a lame power!" You say. Imagine the espionage capabilities. Shrinking diodes, microchips, ANYTHING to make tech, say super suits, lighter, faster, stronger, BETTER. Tony is gonna be all over this guy.
So, Scott may not be as smart as Bruce or Tony. He didn't discover Pym Particles. Then they have the doofy younger brother: Tony and Bruce can mess with him, but if anybody else steps in, GET BACK. It'd be a nice addition to the dynamic.
1. Blues Clues is a mental hospital.
I actually have a lot for this one. For anyone out of the loop, blues clues is a show that follows Blue, a dog, and her owner (yes, Blue is a chick), Steve, or later Joe. Blue leaves pawprints on three objects and the owner figures out what she's trying to clue them in on. Simple deductive reasoning skills.
But something isn't right. Why do I think Steve/Joe are in a mental hospital?
4. Season Nine of The X-Files was all a nightmare.
The last moment of the last episode of season eight was Mulder and Scully reunited, holding their precious baby, and everything was wonderful.
Then season nine happened. I won't spoil it for you, because Chris Carter already did that. It's bad. But is it real? I don't think so. Consider the following:
- Mulder is in almost none of the season, with little in-universe explanation.
- His friends keep dying for no good reason.
- There is an episode with the Brady Bunch.
- The last episode consists of Mulder's dead friends giving him advice about life and not explaining why they're not dead.
It all points to a dream. Mulder is feeling residual guilt from his abduction in season eight and not being there for Scully. He imagines all the terrible things that could have happened while he was gone: losing William, friends dying, all while mixed with increasingly nonsensical X-Files and plot elements. This culminates in him getting 'The Truth' and his arch nemesis dying in an over the top manner. He'll wake up to know his ultimate pursuit of the truth isn't worth it: life with Scully and their son is.
3. Pennywise is about to make a big comeback.
You may remember Tim Curry played a clown that killed children back in the nineties. What you may not know is that in the book It's destruction wasn't ever totally assured. It laid eggs and the characters specifically think they may not have squashed them all. But what other evidence do I have?
- More books have It like creatures that may be It's children: Dandelo in The Dark Tower series, Ardelia Lorz in The Library Policeman, even the bear in The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon could be a relative.
- "Pennywise Lives" is spray painted graffiti in a book set LONG after It's demise. Nobody old enough to have met Pennywise in the 80s is still pulling that penny-ante vandalism.
- The last time It struck was in 1985: the year the losers club supposedly killed it. It comes back every 28 years, give or take a year or two. Next year will be the 30th anniversary of It's death and the publication of the book: pretty close to the 28 year mark, especially given the terrible injuries It suffered.
Either It is still alive, or one of It's children is going to make its debut in one of Sai King's 2015 books. Either way, I'm glad I don't live in Derry.
2. Scott Lang will be the third Science Bro.
Brief history of Ant Man: Hank Pym invented the tech, but was a giant douche. Scott Lang was the next Ant-man. He was dead for a while, but now he's back. The Marvel cinematic universe will have both, with Pym being like Howard Stark in Captain America, or so we've been led to believe.
Where does this leave us for Avengers 2/Ant Man/ Avengers 3?
We saw how Tony and Bruce became besties in The Avengers and Iron Man 3. Tony thinks The Hulk is neat, and loves having someone of his level to converse with.
So Why the hell SHOULDN'T he love Scott Lang?
"Shrinking is a lame power!" You say. Imagine the espionage capabilities. Shrinking diodes, microchips, ANYTHING to make tech, say super suits, lighter, faster, stronger, BETTER. Tony is gonna be all over this guy.
So, Scott may not be as smart as Bruce or Tony. He didn't discover Pym Particles. Then they have the doofy younger brother: Tony and Bruce can mess with him, but if anybody else steps in, GET BACK. It'd be a nice addition to the dynamic.
1. Blues Clues is a mental hospital.
I actually have a lot for this one. For anyone out of the loop, blues clues is a show that follows Blue, a dog, and her owner (yes, Blue is a chick), Steve, or later Joe. Blue leaves pawprints on three objects and the owner figures out what she's trying to clue them in on. Simple deductive reasoning skills.
But something isn't right. Why do I think Steve/Joe are in a mental hospital?
- They are the only live action beings(or "real" in their own minds, as many psycho/sociopaths are).
- The puzzles are too simple for a grown man without impairment.
- They NEVER LEAVE.
Blue is Steve/Joe's doctor. Magenta is a consulting physician. Blue plays simple deduction games with her charges to encourage rational thinking and bring them out of their delusions. Her methods work. Steve "Graduates" to college (AKA life outside. Maybe actually going back to school). Joe may be his real brother: mental illness runs in their family. Any talking object stands for a real person, mailbox=mailman, etc. Skidooing into a painting is a daytrip. The kids/the audience are figments of his madness.
You're the figment of an insane man's delusion. And Mom said you'd never achieve anything!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Five online writing tools
These are excellent things I either use, or intend to start using immediately. Some are good for fiction and non-fiction, some only one or the other. Take a look, see what you like!
5. Rainy Mood
Okay, this isn't a writing website, per say. It's a site that plays the sound of falling rain. And for those of us who can't work when it's too quiet, or with rock music blasting, it's perfect. There are a lot of sites and you tube clips like this, but Rainy mood is my personal favorite.
4. Fix Your Writing Habits (blog)
This is geared towards the fiction writer, but there are resources for everyone. Several times a day these helpful folks publish lists of resources and a host of other things. Like this translation guide:
There's also a list of insomnia resources, citation and style guides, and answers to submitted questions like how to make your zombie romance not cliche. Give 'em a look! You'll be surprised what you find.
3. Write a Haiku
Perfect for those pesky high-school writing assignment, or just a fun way to be creative on the fly. I'll kill time on here with the writing equivalent of doodles. Here's a masterpiece now:
almost time for work. / i wish i had the day off. / hooray, pizza lunch
2. Query Shark
Need to prefect your query letter? Then the literal hundreds of blog entries here are for you. This is the most comprehensive guide to do and don't EVER: real life examples ripped apart by the shark until they're brilliant. Several of the writers are now published thanks to the shark.
Not trying to query something? Have a look and see how incredibly insane some of these are. It's a real eye opener.
1. Edit Minion
This website is my go-to before I post things now. You pick what you want it to scan for, it highlights the offenders, and give you a color coded grade from green to red. Simple! And check the perfect checklist: Adverbinator, Weak Words, 'Said' replacements, Passive Voice, Ending with Preposition, Tricky Homonyms, Clichés, Common Misspellings, Frequently Used Words.
I don't give a fig about sentences with preposition endings. So I just uncheck that box! Simple. Perfect for any type of writing. Enjoy.
5. Rainy Mood
Okay, this isn't a writing website, per say. It's a site that plays the sound of falling rain. And for those of us who can't work when it's too quiet, or with rock music blasting, it's perfect. There are a lot of sites and you tube clips like this, but Rainy mood is my personal favorite.
Another fine choice.
4. Fix Your Writing Habits (blog)
This is geared towards the fiction writer, but there are resources for everyone. Several times a day these helpful folks publish lists of resources and a host of other things. Like this translation guide:
3. Write a Haiku
Perfect for those pesky high-school writing assignment, or just a fun way to be creative on the fly. I'll kill time on here with the writing equivalent of doodles. Here's a masterpiece now:
almost time for work. / i wish i had the day off. / hooray, pizza lunch
And it's true to boot!
2. Query Shark
Need to prefect your query letter? Then the literal hundreds of blog entries here are for you. This is the most comprehensive guide to do and don't EVER: real life examples ripped apart by the shark until they're brilliant. Several of the writers are now published thanks to the shark.
Not trying to query something? Have a look and see how incredibly insane some of these are. It's a real eye opener.
Lets all be chums!
1. Edit Minion
No, sadly not.
This website is my go-to before I post things now. You pick what you want it to scan for, it highlights the offenders, and give you a color coded grade from green to red. Simple! And check the perfect checklist: Adverbinator, Weak Words, 'Said' replacements, Passive Voice, Ending with Preposition, Tricky Homonyms, Clichés, Common Misspellings, Frequently Used Words.
I don't give a fig about sentences with preposition endings. So I just uncheck that box! Simple. Perfect for any type of writing. Enjoy.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Five Creepy Villains
Five villains that creeped the heck outta me. Not necessarily from horror movies!
5. Francis Dolarhyde, Red Dragon
I'm a big fan of the three Hannibal Lector books (aside from the ending of Hannibal, but we'll discuss that later). The villain of The Silence of the Lamps prequel, Red Dragon, is played by the brilliant Ralph Fiennes. Him saying the following quote is one of my favorite cinematic moments of all time.
"I am the Dragon. And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. To me, you are a slug in the sun. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But, fear is not what you owe me. You owe me awe."
Brr
4. John Doe, Se7en
If you haven't seen Se7en, you need to see Se7en. In order not to spoil it, I'll just say Mr. Doe is like a sophisticated Billy. And no less disturbing.
3. Ursula, The Little Mermaid.
Her scheme to use a young girl to kill the king of the sea is bad enough. This gets creepy when you realize that in the original scrip and the Broadway show, she is Ariel's aunt. Even Petunia Dudley treated her nephew better than this.
2. Pinhead, Hellraiser
The short version? Once a man, Pinhead was condemned to a realm of 'pleasure and pain' after opening the Lament Configuration to seek the ultimate experience.
Aside from killing people who open the box, or taking them to hell, Pinhead creeps me out because he's got a bit of a split personality. The 'good' (at least 10% less evil) half is trapped with the bad half. The idea of witnessing evil you preform and ca't stop...ugh. Creepy.
1. The Other Mother/The Beldam, Coraline
5. Francis Dolarhyde, Red Dragon
I'm a big fan of the three Hannibal Lector books (aside from the ending of Hannibal, but we'll discuss that later). The villain of The Silence of the Lamps prequel, Red Dragon, is played by the brilliant Ralph Fiennes. Him saying the following quote is one of my favorite cinematic moments of all time.
"I am the Dragon. And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. To me, you are a slug in the sun. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But, fear is not what you owe me. You owe me awe."
Brr
4. John Doe, Se7en
If you haven't seen Se7en, you need to see Se7en. In order not to spoil it, I'll just say Mr. Doe is like a sophisticated Billy. And no less disturbing.
3. Ursula, The Little Mermaid.
Her scheme to use a young girl to kill the king of the sea is bad enough. This gets creepy when you realize that in the original scrip and the Broadway show, she is Ariel's aunt. Even Petunia Dudley treated her nephew better than this.
Bad touch!
We need an adult!!
2. Pinhead, Hellraiser
The short version? Once a man, Pinhead was condemned to a realm of 'pleasure and pain' after opening the Lament Configuration to seek the ultimate experience.
Aside from killing people who open the box, or taking them to hell, Pinhead creeps me out because he's got a bit of a split personality. The 'good' (at least 10% less evil) half is trapped with the bad half. The idea of witnessing evil you preform and ca't stop...ugh. Creepy.
1. The Other Mother/The Beldam, Coraline
She may seem like the perfect Mother, but deny her what she wants and ^^^ this turns into
THIS.
A spider-like creature that feeds on the lives of children after luring them into her web, leaving them as restless spirits. Also, she'll sew buttons on your eyes, because F*** YOU, THAT'S WHY. I'm 100% sure this chick is related to Pennywise. A spider-like shape shifter that feeds on kids? C'mon.
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